


Marionette

by delirious_melon



Category: Hunter X Hunter
Genre: Assassination, Blood and Gore, Childhood Trauma, Dissociation, Eventual Smut, Falling In Love, Flashbacks, Graphic Description, M/M, Needles, Non-Consensual Kissing, Past Brainwashing, Past Child Abuse, Past Torture, Psychopathology & Sociopathy, Slow Romance, Violence
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-10-31
Updated: 2020-12-23
Packaged: 2021-03-09 06:02:25
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 10
Words: 53,486
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27309622
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/delirious_melon/pseuds/delirious_melon
Summary: Illumi had never been one to question his fate. He always assumed he would become one of the finest assassins the world had ever seen. But his view of the world and everyone in it was shattered upon the realization that he was little more than a brainwashed puppet, a marionette that did whatever his parents told him to without fail. Despite all that, he would never be enough for them. Feeling lost and in need of answers, he turns to the one person he knows who is just as messed up as he is: Hisoka Morrow. However, Illumi's family does not take kindly to his sudden disappearance, and they will stop at nothing to get him back under their control.This story contains a strong HisoIllu pairing. Check notes/additional tags for trigger warnings.
Relationships: Hisoka/Illumi Zoldyck
Comments: 128
Kudos: 384





	1. A Perfect Imperfection

**Author's Note:**

> Hello! This is my first story on this site! You have no idea how excited I was when I first got my AO3 invite in my email. Anyway, this chapter is pretty mild in terms of triggers and what not, but please keep in mind that I will be using these beginning notes for trigger warnings. If you are sensitive to certain content, please pay attention to the notes. I hope you enjoy this story!!

Illumi was an assassin. 

It was that simple, and he couldn’t think of any other words to describe himself because it was his entire purpose. In a way, it had consumed him. He was merely an assassin. One might elaborate further on that and go so far as to call him a brainwashed killing machine. A sadistic sociopath that took pleasure in the art of death, which he so frequently practiced. He supposed he might be all those things as well, but he didn’t care. His parents had always told him he would never be beautiful in the eyes of others, that the entire world would frown upon him because he was nothing. Nothing but an assassin. And that was good enough for him. 

Sometimes his parents would call him weak, tell him he would never be worth anything in his entire life. He didn’t really mind. He knew they were only saying that to motivate him to do better, to be better, so that’s exactly what he did. As the eldest Zoldyck son, Illumi knew he’d have to meet outrageously high standards to even consider himself a part of the family. And he was alright with that, because he was certain that was how families worked. 

Assassins were not allowed to love anyone outside their own family, who they were expected to be undyingly loyal to. So, that’s exactly what Illumi did. 

However, he had also begun to wonder when it would stop. When would he be good enough for them? When would he meet their standards and win their approval? When would he find himself the perfect son in their eyes? 

It seemed like nothing he ever did brought him any closer to achieving that. He tried and tried until he was so tired he could hardly support his own weight. He allowed his body to be beaten, broken, poisoned, whipped, electrocuted, cut and burned until his porcelain-pale skin was mottled with scars just two or three shades lighter than his natural complexion. He mastered every assassination technique he could think of, allowing no room for error and refusing to quit until he had all of them absolutely perfect. He dislocated his joints and tore his ligaments over and over again until he had achieved a level of flexibility only people who practiced contortionism could reach. 

But it was never enough. _He_ was never enough. 

It confused him greatly. He didn’t think it was possible to refine himself any more than he already had, because he’d done everything. He was completely immune to pain, he could kill even the most dangerous of targets with smooth, fluid grace, he could bend his body in all sorts of terrifying ways, and he had a seemingly infinite amount of stamina. He was, in essence, the perfect assassin. 

So why didn’t his parents think so? 

Kikyo and Silva Zoldyck were not kind, gentle people by any means. They only cared about one thing and one thing alone: turning their children into the finest assassins the world had ever seen for the sake of their business. 

Despite being the weakest, frailest and perhaps most pathetic person in the Zoldyck family, Kikyo really did make for a talented assassin. She was capable of reading her targets like nobody else, and her thin, spidery body was perfect for squeezing into tight spaces when it was required. However, a vicious attack from one of her sons had left her wearing a black visor over her eyes with a big red sensor in the middle that glowed ominously, giving her the appearance of a cyclops. Because her sight was somewhat impaired, she was no longer allowed to take on missions because Silva was afraid it would damage his family’s reputation. 

Speaking of Silva, he was like a god to other assassins. A god amongst men he deemed unworthy of his presence, for he treated almost everyone with a cold sort of contempt that implied he wanted nothing to do with any of them. He was almost like a lion in a sense, for he protected and provided for his family, all the while leading them toward a successful life. He was one of the most feared people on the continent, known for his inhuman speed and agility. But he didn’t actually love his family. He didn’t even love his own wife. She was just a means of producing valuable heirs to him. 

Illumi wished he had realized it sooner. 

It wasn’t until after Killua stabbed their mother and one of their brothers, Milluki, and ran away that Illumi took a moment to seriously think about what his family was, what he meant to them. 

_Maybe they’d love me if I tried a little harder..._ Illumi thought to himself, crossing and uncrossing his legs at the ankles, staring down into the depths below him. 

He was sitting on the roof of Heaven’s Arena (a popular skyscraper that was not only the tallest building in the world, but also the place where the strongest people came to fight and make a name for themselves), allowing his feet to dangle over the edge. He had been watching as the sky changed from fiery shades of scarlet, orange, yellow and pink to obsidian black. Only a moment ago, the stars had begun to peep out of their various hiding places in the seemingly infinite blackness above, glittering like diamonds set into a smooth surface. 

A nameless, uncharted city was spread out below him, so far down that the warm-looking orange lights shining out of the windows of various buildings made him feel a little dizzy. 

_But... I’ve already tried everything. I’ve done everything. Why don’t they love me?_

Illumi’s thoughts had been playing on a seemingly endless loop ever since he’d come up here, like a broken record. 

He didn’t know what to do with himself, because he’d already done everything humanely possible. He bit his lip unconsciously, twirling a large needle with a rounded golden head between his fingers. The thin, razor-sharp point made entirely of pure, stainless steel pricked the soft flesh of his palm every so often, but he payed it no mind, nor did he register the minute stinging it caused each time it nicked his skin. 

_What do I do now? I can’t go back to them until I’ve found a way to improve myself somehow. If I return the same way I was when I left, I doubt my father would ever forgive me._

A soft sigh escaped the ravenet’s lips. Unruly strands of waist-length, shimmering black hair had begun to wave and dance about on the chilly breeze that wafted through the city. If Illumi hadn’t been trained to stay perfectly still regardless of the circumstance, he probably would have shivered. It was cold. But he liked it that way. He reached behind him to tuck those strands of hair behind his ears. 

_Will it ever be enough? Will I ever be enough?_

He quickly shook those thoughts out of his head, internally scolding himself for thinking such preposterous things. His parents were pushing him so hard because they loved him. That was how families worked, right? 

_Right...?_

A soft, unfamiliar sound jolted the assassin out of his thoughts. He gripped his needle tightly, allowing himself to give off no indication that he’d heard the newcomer come up onto the roof with him. He could already see how he would kill them should they seek out any trouble. He would whirl around faster than the eye could follow, and the second he spotted his new target in his peripheral vision, he would allow his needle to fly from his hand. It would embed itself in the target’s skull, right between their eyes. A smooth, perfectly executed kill. 

“What are you doing up here? It's cold!” Hisoka’s overzealous voice reached Illumi’s attentive ears a half second later. “Are you assassin people immune to temperature, too? Ooh, how exciting!” 

Illumi set his jaw in a grimly determined line, returning to his previous action: playing with his needle. “One might be able to ask you the former question.” his voice was smooth and crystalline, carrying to the redheaded magician’s ears in fluid, beautiful tones. “What are _you_ doing up here? Don’t you have a match scheduled later this evening?” 

“I do, and that’s also why I’m here. I wanted you to come watch.” Hisoka smirked, plopping down beside Illumi and tilting his head to one side, regarding the assassin with sharply slanted, narrow amber eyes that seemed to catch the starlight above and glitter with an eerie, murderous light. “I know how much you enjoy seeing me mercilessly rip my challengers to shreds. Death is something you find pleasure in, is it not?” 

“Eh? Don’t flatter yourself. Your Nen is mediocre at best and your fighting style is languid. Sloppy.” Illumi replied, refusing to spare even a single glance at the other. 

He knew deep down that he was lying. Hisoka was one of the most talented, dangerous people in the world. His Nen was superior to most people’s, and his fighting style was smooth and abnormally elegant, like a dance. He was also perhaps the only person Illumi looked up to. Hisoka always radiated a sort of smug confidence, as if he knew he could easily defeat anyone who dared challenge him. And he was the type of person so powerful and terrifying that he’d probably impress Illumi’s parents. 

“Do you just always have a collection of insults waiting for me?” Hisoka wondered, grinning like a Cheshire cat. He always looked devious, as if he were constantly planning to do something troublesome. “Or does being a brat come naturally to you?” 

“Hmm.” Illumi hummed noncommittally, wiggling his feet around like he always did when he was thinking about something. It didn’t bother him that his legs were currently hanging over the edge of the tallest building in the world. In fact, he liked feeling absolutely nothing beneath his feet. It was the closest he’d ever come to knowing what floating felt like. “I’m up here because I wanted a quiet space to think, as a response to your first question.” he said, after a long moment of silence. 

Naturally, Hisoka’s next question was, “What’re you thinking about?” 

“Things I can do to impress my parents once I return to them. The only reason I’m staying with you for the time being is because I can’t show up empty-handed.” Illumi replied, mechanically. 

“That’s terrible, darling.” Hisoka actually looked sympathetic for a moment, but it was quickly swallowed up by his usual smugness. “You’ll figure it out someday. After all, you can’t stay away forever. Your family isn’t exactly friendly, and I can totally see them literally hunting you down just to get you back within their... possession.” 

“You’re right, you know. It’s bad enough that I’ve already stayed away for much longer than I was supposed to.” Illumi thought about it for a moment before withdrawing his feet from the edge of the roof. He drew his knees up to his chest and propped his chin up on them, staring down at the silhouetted city so far below. “Maybe I should just go back. It’s not like I can do anything else with myself. I’ve already done absolutely everything that fits their requirements for a perfect assassin.” 

“What a shame. I was hoping you’d stay a little longer than just a day.” Hisoka snickered, his eyes wandering over the ravenet’s slender, absolutely perfect body. Illumi was narrow in the shoulders, with soft curves in all the right places. It quickly became obvious he had inherited his mother’s beauty, he looked like a pretty little porcelain doll. But Hisoka knew better than to let that fool him. Lithe and beautiful though Illumi was, he was also undoubtedly hiding well-toned, corded muscles beneath his pale skin. Hisoka couldn’t help licking his lips and adding, “I would have liked to get to know you better.” 

Illumi ignored the obvious lust in the magician’s eyes, looking Hisoka dead in the face and asking, “What more is there to know about me? I’m an assassin. It’s fairly straightforward.” 

“Assassination is not a personality trait, Illu-dear. It’s a career.” the magician reached up and carded his fingers through his obnoxiously bright red hair, which was slicked back like it always was. He scarcely wore it down; he didn’t like how it could get in the way of his fights. 

“Personality traits? I don’t think I have any of those. I don’t even know what they are.” Illumi blinked a couple times, with obvious curiosity in those abysmal, snake-like black eyes of his. 

“Everyone has a personality, darling. It’s hardly rocket science.” 

“Well, I’m not really sure what mine is, if that’s the case.” 

“Oh.” Hisoka shrugged in an unconcerned matter, studying Illumi with his eyes like a child would a butterfly. “So, your odd, quirky behavior isn’t just a façade? You’re actually as cold and distant as you act?” 

“I suppose. What’s it to you?” Illumi asked back. 

“How interesting.” Hisoka said, intentionally avoiding answering Illumi’s question. “I’ve got to get back down there in just a couple minutes, unless I want to miss my match. Are you coming or not?” 

Illumi considered it for a moment before nodding. “Alright.” 

Hisoka grinned. “I knew you’d come around. Let’s go, then.” he stood up and offered Illumi a hand, but the assassin ignored it, standing up and dusting himself off modestly. 

“Who are you going up against this time?” 

“Some old man who’s been running around bragging that he’s a Nen master. He did make it far enough up Heaven’s Arena to challenge a Floor Master such as myself, but I highly doubt he can beat me.” 

Hisoka turned around and started toward the door, his pace relaxed and his head high. He was the picture of confidence, radiating a powerful energy that communicated nothing short of the fact he was death walking and he was proud of it. Illumi found himself wondering how someone so dangerous could possibly have such high self-esteem as he followed the magician down a long, narrow flight of concrete stairs. 

The air inside Heaven’s Arena was significantly warmer than outside, though it was still pleasantly cool. The walls were composed of solid white cement, at least seven inches thick, splattered with dried, browned blood in some places near the floor. Illumi knew those stains were from personal disputes between fighters who had decided to settle things with their fists outside the arena. But why they chose to fight on the stairs leading up to the roof was beyond him. He found fighting on a slope remarkably inconvenient because it required a lot more focus and balance. If your opponent ended up on higher ground than you at any point in time, they would most likely win. 

SIlva had once said that he who has the high ground has the victory. Illumi didn’t fully understand that statement until he met Hisoka. 

Perhaps the only reason Hisoka had managed to stay alive this long was because he was so confident, so proud, so sure of himself. In a way, that placed him higher than his opponents in terms of mental fortitude rather than strength. Even if his opponents were able to brutally outmatch him physically, he would still find a way to win because he was stubborn. Unyieldingly so. And mental strength outweighs physical strength. 

_He who has the high ground has the victory._

Hisoka could feel Illumi’s cold, calculating black eyes burning into his back and smiled. “One of these days, you ought to fight here. I would love to see something like that.” 

“What’s the point?” Illumi asked, clasping his hands neatly behind his back as they reached the bottom of the stairs. 

“There is no point. It’s just fun. A means of honing your skills and allowing others to challenge you. To push your limits. It also allows an opportunity to make a name for yourself and show exactly what you’re made of.” Hisoka explained, turning right and starting down a long corridor. His high-heeled boots clicked against the polished, grey stone floor. “If impressing your parents is something you want to do, fighting your way up to the top of Heaven’s Arena might just be the way to do exactly that.” 

“I doubt they’d take pride in something as trivial as their eldest son participating in admittedly pointless fights.” Illumi replied, dryly. 

“Well, that’s a shame. You’re missing out on a chance to enjoy yourself, you know. You and I are similar in the sense that we both crave the rush that comes with killing another human being, so this place is perfect for you. I promise you’ll fit right in.” Hisoka reasoned, glancing over his shoulder at the ravenet. 

Illumi turned up his chin ever so slightly. “Fitting in is not something I worry about. I’m an assassin, in case you’ve forgotten. Assassins don’t belong anywhere.” 

“That’s because normal people don’t understand the art and beauty of death, Illumi. People fear and cast out that which they do not understand. That’s why people like you and I find solace and belonging in places like these.” Hisoka spread his hands to indicate the room around him. There were a few beefy, tough-looking guys passing by with ugly, deep-set scowls on their hardened, scarred faces. They shot Hisoka a wary glance as they passed, muttering to each other. The magician had quite the reputation, it seemed. “Everyone who comes to fight within Heaven’s Arena is as crazy and bloodthirsty as we are.” 

Illumi thought it wisest to remain silent, so that’s exactly what he did. He briefly wondered if he would find Heaven’s Arena as entertaining and satisfying as Hisoka did, but he refused to stoop so low as to participate in something so petty and ridiculous. 

They continued walking down the long, well-lit hall for a couple more seconds before Hisoka suddenly stopped to indicate a little glass box down a corridor to their left. “You can buy a ticket for the match there. Try and grab a seat close to the arena itself, I wanna see your face while I’m fighting.” with a sly wink and a low, velvety chuckle, the magician pivoted sharply and hurried back the way they’d come, making his way toward the arena. 

Illumi stood there for a moment in silence, blinking a couple times in confusion. He would not ask me to sit close for the sake of seeing my face without good reason. But why? He could see no reason why Hisoka would want to impress him. After all, Illumi was an assassin, and assassins weren’t particularly impressed by anything at all. 

Hisoka did not make any sense. 

Once Illumi had come to terms with that fact, he turned and made his way over to the ticket booth. He was capable of pretending to be nice enough when situations prompted him to communicate with other human beings. Otherwise, he just avoided people as much as possible, because his parents had only ever taught him how to smile and make small talk for the sake of remaining inconspicuous during missions that required blending in with a crowd. Beyond small talk, he knew absolutely nothing about social interaction. 

The brown-haired woman selling off tickets within the booth was nice enough. Illumi could tell right away that she was one of those extroverted, permanently joyful people that just loved talking to others. She kept trying to make idle talk with him as she typed in the transaction on the little machine in front of her, and Illumi did his best to keep up with her bubbly energy. 

“Lovely night, isn’t it? I heard word that there’s a massive storm rolling in, though. Probably best if you hold off on any travelling plans you’ve got for the next couple weeks.” the brunette chattered, completely oblivious to the fact Illumi’s pleasant smile never reached his cold, dead eyes. 

“Mm. Very lovely. I was considering just staying out on the rooftop, but one of the contenders fighting tonight is a friend of mine. I figured I’d watch the match instead.” Illumi replied. The lies which usually came so easily to him tasted bitter in his mouth, making him want to gag. 

“Oh? You’re friends with one of them?” the young woman immediately perked up a bit, jumping the opportunity to make even more conversation. 

Illumi didn’t understand how she could be so unconcerned. So happy. “I suppose.” he said, slowly. 

“You look like you’d make a pretty good competitor yourself, you know.” the woman smiled, handing Illumi his ticket and propping her chin up on the heel of her hand. 

“Ah, okay. I’ll consider it. Enjoy the rest of your evening.” Illumi was lying again, he’d already clearly expressed that he had no desire to fight anyone in such a sloppy, ragtag sport, if it could even be called that. He found it impossible to exchange pleasantries with another human without lying through his teeth at least twice. It was the only way he could make himself look like one of them. 

“You too!” was the woman’s response, but he barely registered it because he was already several paces away. 

Illumi would be lying if he said he wasn’t in a huge hurry to escape the situation. He hated pretending to be a normal human being with feelings and a personality for the sake of small talk, it always left him feeling unsettled, like there were thousands of tiny snakes writhing under his skin. 

Although he had absolutely no idea where the arena was, his uncanny sense of direction and ability to analyze building structure (yet another abnormal talent his parents had drilled into him) ensured that he didn’t take longer than ten minutes to find it. The arena itself was an extremely large, dome-shaped room with a big square in the middle. The circular part of the room was lined with thousands upon thousands of chairs, each one reserved for anyone who was willing to pay for a ticket to watch. The chairs were lined up similarly to the way they would be in a movie theatre, each row on a higher slope than the one directly in front of it. In the center of the square, there was a white, rectangular chunk of concrete where the competitors were expected to fight. The walls of the massive room were black, and several bright white spotlights shone down on the arena, making it possible for the spectators to see every single thing that was going on. 

Illumi took note of the noisy crowd of people that was already gathered there and made a point to sit as far away from them as possible. That was the one thing he hated about these kinds of events. They were too loud. He also found himself making sure he found a seat as close to the arena itself as possible, though he did his best to convince himself it was so he could see the match better. He would never admit he was just doing what Hisoka asked him to do. 

He sat down in the chair he’d selected, silently prayed nobody would decide to sit next to him for whatever reason, and patiently waited for the match to begin.


	2. Of Bloodshed and Crushed Hope

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> TRIGGER WARNING FOR: Violence, graphic description of death, intense sadism and cruelty. Read at your own discretion.

Illumi sensed Hisoka’s unfettered, excessive amount of bloodlust long before the magician stepped into the arena. It was a pulsating, intimidating feeling that spread through the room like wildfire, devouring everyone present and overwhelming every sight, sound and smell with its ominous presence. Fortunately, Illumi was trained to resist such things, so he didn’t visibly react to it at all. He did notice a few people in the crowd cringing and shrinking back into their seats, though. Not many people who came to watch matches in Heaven’s Arena could use Nen or sense the presence of aura, so only a select few of them were actually bothered by Hisoka’s overwhelming bloodlust. 

The assassin almost scoffed out loud. Hisoka was such a show-off, he was known to intentionally refrain from concealing his aura before and during fights for the sake of flaunting his power. However, at this rate, he was more likely to completely suffocate his Nen-sensitive audience than to impress them. Illumi was clearly the only person present who could withstand the sheer, unrelenting force of the magician’s bloodlust-filled aura. 

_It’s probably a good thing almost everyone here can’t utilize or sense aura, because if they could, they’d probably lose their sanity._ Illumi thought to himself, albeit a bit disdainfully. _I think that’s why he so openly reveals his power to others. He’s trying to break down his opponent’s will and get inside their head before the real fight begins. What a smart idea!_ He almost wished he hadn’t been trained to keep his own aura masked at all times, otherwise he would try it himself. 

He took note of the fact that most of the Nen-users in the audience had gotten so uncomfortable that they had decided to get up and leave right then and there, choosing to spare their sanity rather than watch the match. It was definitely a smart move on their parts. 

An excruciatingly loud cheer rippled through the audience when Hisoka stepped into view and took his place at one end of the rectangular arena. He was wearing his usual smug smirk that implied he was up to no good, and his glittering amber eyes were fixated on the space directly in front of him, waiting ever-so-patiently for his opponent to arrive. His hourglass body was outlined perfectly in a halo of bright white light from the spotlights above, complimenting his fair complexion and making his presence seem even more ominous if that were even possible at this point. 

Almost immediately, those sharply slanted eyes of his began wandering over the crowd, searching those numerous, meaningless faces for the only one that he actually wanted to see. When his eyes landed on Illumi after a long moment of searching, he grinned and waved a cheerful greeting. 

Illumi did not respond in kind, choosing instead to dip his head respectfully, just far enough that Hisoka would see it but not far enough to alert the crowd of the fact he was the main focus of the magician’s attention. 

_I still don’t understand why he wanted me to sit so close,_ the assassin thought to himself as he watched Hisoka blow overexaggerated kisses to the crowd. _He seems to love all the attention he’s getting as it is, and he has no real reason to want to impress me. That man just makes no sense._

Hisoka’s opponent arrived about two minutes later. His name was Fuji Haruto, and he was an elderly gentleman with a surprisingly well-toned body and steely green eyes that glimmered with a strange sort of youthful energy. His skin was well-tanned and mottled with pale scars and dark spots, each one indicating his strength in terms of experience as well as physique. But there was something about the slight stoop in his shoulders that told Illumi the old man already knew he was going to lose. 

_I’m not sure what he was thinking when he thought it prudent to challenge Hisoka. Haruto clearly knows he is about to die._ Illumi leaned forward ever so slightly, taking interest in this strange old man who had so obviously accepted his fate but was still prepared to fight to the bitter end. 

The referee standing in the center of the arena signaled for the battle to begin after announcing the rules. Naturally, killing your opponent was not off-limits by any means. Bloodshed resulting in death was what made Heaven’s Arena such an exciting place. 

The moment the match began, Haruto sprang at Hisoka with inhuman speed, his stocky legs a blur of motion. He tried to catch the magician off-guard with a quick, well-placed right hook punch to the jaw, but Hisoka was unfazed and sidestepped the abrupt attack with ease, as if he had seen it coming all along. Illumi could sense the milky white Nen surrounding Haruto’s fist from the moment he swung his arm, revealing the fact his primary Nen type was most likely Enhancement (increased physical strength.) 

_Sloppy. Quite the mistake on his part, actually. He failed to realize the fact his first move gave away his Nen type right off the bat. Unfortunately for him, Transmuters like Hisoka are bad news for Enhancers._ Illumi thought, running his fingers over the dangerously sharp tip of a Nen-infused needle hidden in his pocket. 

Hisoka flicked his wrist, and suddenly, three cards came flying from his hand and buried themselves in the old man’s chest. With a low grunt of pain, Haruto stumbled back, clutching his new injuries as blood trickled around the cards and dripped over his wrinkled fingers. He recovered quickly, seeing as the wounds weren’t very deep at all. He ran at the magician again, this time leading with a high axe-kick to the head followed immediately by a roundhouse kick to the ribs. Hisoka blocked both with his forearms, shoving the other man aside and flinging a couple more cards in his general direction. Both cards missed their mark entirely, and Haruto’s eyes lit up with a newfound sense of hope. 

_Hisoka’s toying with him by making him think he actually has a chance of winning,_ Illumi realized. _...what a cruel idea._

The ravenet had never been one to toy with his assassination targets for the sake of prolonging the fight, getting more enjoyment out of it, humiliating them, or all of the above. He was trained to be efficient, and intentionally delaying the inevitable was anything but efficient. However, he understood in a weird sort of way why Hisoka seemed to like it so much. Hisoka liked to fight because it was like a game to him. As such, torturing his opponents by dragging out their demise for as long as possible was a tactic he practiced on a regular basis. 

Illumi watched with a cold, unfeeling expression as Haruto launched a series of intensely powerful punches, kicks and other martial-arts-based techniques, putting so much of his Nen into it that it probably would’ve dealt some serious damage if it weren’t for the fact Hisoka was easily dodging each and every blow with ease. His movements were elegant and perfectly balanced, and there were several openings for retaliation, but he chose instead to keep dodging and blocking the old man’s attacks. There came the unpleasant sound of skin meeting skin as Haruto’s clenched fist connected with Hisoka’s criss-crossed forearms, hard enough to crack the bone and leave unsightly bruises in its wake. Illumi could clearly see the thin, protective layer of film spread over Hisoka’s arms, and knew the brutal blow had done the magician absolutely no damage whatsoever. 

With a cruel, sadistic smirk, Hisoka batted the elderly man’s fist aside as though the power behind it was no more significant than that of a fruit fly’s. Once Haruto’s hand was out of the way, Hisoka lashed out with his right hand, a card clenched between his index and middle finger. The sharp, Nen-infused edge of the card sliced neatly across Haruto’s clavicle, opening a narrow, lengthy cut that bled down his chest and soaked his white kimono in flowery crimson patterns. He staggered a bit, but recovered quickly, managing to catch Hisoka’s side with a quick, sharp kick. 

_Hisoka’s letting him land hits like that. That kick would have been so very easy to dodge._ Illumi thought, as he watched Hisoka pretend to stumble a couple steps to the side as if in pain, earning a stunned silence from the crowd and very few supportive cheers from Haruto’s fans. 

The moment Hisoka recovered from his little act, Haruto was charging at him again, confident enough to try and strike as blatantly and conspicuously as he had in the beginning. He was faster this time, but that didn’t mean anything to someone as skilled as Hisoka. The magician waited until Haruto was almost upon him before flicking his index finger in a come-hither gesture. This tiny motion, insignificant though it seemed, sent the old man flying over Hisoka’s shoulder and landing flat on his back several feet behind him. 

“Did you know that Bungee Gum has the properties of both rubber and gum?” Hisoka’s voice was almost drowned out by the enthusiastically cheering crowd, but Illumi could still hear it, thanks to his close proximity to the actual arena. 

The assassin couldn’t help but roll his eyes. Hisoka would never stop flexing on his special Nen ability: Bungee Gum. It was a sticky substance that could only be removed by him. He tended to attach it to his opponents and use it to fling them around like ragdolls, and the only catch was that he had to actually touch someone to attach his Nen to them. He had probably attached it to Haruto while blocking his near-constant punching attacks a few moments ago. Because the old man had gotten so sure of himself, he had completely forgotten to watch out for Hisoka’s Nen. 

Haruto was a bit slower to recover this time, remaining on the ground for a solid three seconds before scrambling to his feet. He looked surprised, surprised that Hisoka hadn’t attacked him while he was down. 

_Because kicking a downed opponent is no fun._ Illumi tilted his head to one side, indicating his interest in the fight. 

The two men in the arena continued to exchange blows until Hisoka grew tired of playing around and decided it was time to end the fight before it got boring. He flung a card right into Haruto’s skull, knocking him to the ground and finishing him off with a positively brutal punch to the torso that caused his bones to give out and his chest to collapse, leaving nothing but a sunken, bleeding mess of torn skin, fragmented bone, and mangled lung matter. The old man was dead before he even had time to register the blow. 

Hisoka’s high-pitched, almost maniacal laugh rang throughout the massive room a moment later, after the referee proclaimed Haruto dead. 

“This match has been decided! The winner is Hisoka Morrow!” 

The crowd went absolutely insane, screaming various praises and jumping up and down as if they’d been possessed by some overzealous spirit. 

Hisoka’s hands were splattered with crimson, but he didn’t seem to mind. He turned and bowed to the crowd before exiting the arena. From that point on, everyone else was allowed to leave. Illumi didn’t hesitate to slip out of the room as quickly as possible, being careful to avoid the large crowds. He didn’t understand how so many people could enjoy watching such pointless bloodshed and still have the heart to smile afterward. To him, it made no sense. What joy did all these seemingly normal people find in watching others die? 

Illumi made his way up a long flight of stairs to Hisoka’s designated floor that he had so graciously offered to share for the time being. The ravenet didn’t know what to make of all the things he’d just seen. He’d witnessed Hisoka killing people thousands of times, so that didn’t bother him in the slightest. But he couldn’t stop thinking about the crowd. 

_Those were normal people. People who couldn’t even use Nen, let alone sense another’s aura. I highly doubt any of them have ever killed a fellow human being before. So why do they enjoy this type of sport so much? To the normal people, it should look like pointless violence because that’s exactly what it is._

Hisoka’s floor was extremely lavishly decorated, and surprisingly well-organized for someone as chaotic in personality as he. The walls were whitewashed, and the floor was made of an expensive, polished wood that gleamed in the dim light cast over the darkened room by a tall lamp in the corner of the room, alongside a glass door that led out to a large balcony. There was a white couch along the left wall, and a small kitchen and the hall leading down to the bedrooms on the right. Illumi didn’t bother turning on any more lights as he made his way to the couch, he didn’t mind the dark. He perched neatly on the edge of the couch and stared off into space, as still and silent as a statue. 

Something about the fight he’d just watched did not sit well with him, though he wasn’t sure why. Between Hisoka asking the young assassin to sit closer to the arena and the oddly bloodthirsty crowd, Illumi wasn’t sure what to make of it. 

He wasn’t sure how long he had sat there contemplating all these things before he heard the front door opening and closing off to his right. 

“Well? What did you think?” Hisoka padded into the room, looking as smug and troublesome as ever. 

“I’m not sure.” Illumi clasped his hands neatly in his lap, choosing to ignore the magician’s seemingly incessant staring. “It confused me, in all honesty. I didn’t think so many people of average stature could enjoy such a ridiculous, gruesome sport.” 

“That’s all?” Hisoka raised one eyebrow, sitting down beside the assassin and making a point to lick Haruto’s dried blood off his thumb. His hands were still covered in crimson fluid, though most of it had dried and crusted at this point. “Only you could be bothered by such trivial things. You forget, most of the spectators that come to watch battles here enjoy bloodshed because they’re messed up. Someone must have hurt them in some way, because they take delight in watching others be torn apart.” 

Illumi was silent for a moment, staring down at his own hands with what appeared to be vast interest. “Why’d you want me to sit so close?” he finally asked. 

“Because you’re the only person in the audience I wanted to see clearly.” Hisoka replied, without skipping a beat. “You’re so very interesting, Illumi.” 

This statement only succeeded in confusing the ravenet even further. He shot the magician a suspicious stare, but this was only met by a devious smile. “How am I even remotely interesting? I’m just an assassin, nothing more.” 

“If you were only an assassin, I wouldn’t follow you around so much. Assassins themselves are boring. All they ever do is kill whoever they’re told to kill with mechanical precision. But you, on the other hand... I could tell from the moment our eyes met that there was something special about you, and I’m determined to find it.” Hisoka explained, examining his nails with fake modesty. “I must admit, I am a very curious person by nature, so I can’t help wanting to know what secrets you hold.” 

“I don’t have any secrets.” Illumi declared, turning up his chin and making a huge show of ignoring Hisoka. “And there’s nothing special about assassins, so I’m afraid you’ll find yourself very disappointed. Your crazy notions about people aren’t always right, you know.” 

“I’m never wrong, darling.” Hisoka grinned from ear to ear, completely oblivious to the fact he was getting blood all over his white pants from the stuff on his hands. 

Illumi gave him a thoroughly disgusted look and said, “You should probably go wash up. You’re gonna wind up staining your clothes if you aren’t careful.” 

Hisoka looked down and noticed the crimson smears all over the front of his pants for the first time. “Oh,” he gasped, as if surprised. “I suppose you’re right. I’ll go get a shower, then. I don’t care where you sleep tonight, but it can’t be on top of shelves or anything like that. If one of them decides to tip over and fall, you could wind up hurting yourself.” he stood up, dusted himself off (which only succeeded in getting more blood on his clothes,) and disappeared down the hall. 

Illumi began absentmindedly rocking back and forth as he processed everything that had just happened. _He thinks there’s something special about me. He thinks I’m interesting. But why?_

The young assassin had never considered himself likable by any means. He had always assumed that he would go through life completely separated from the rest of society, destined to live and die completely and utterly alone. Strangely enough, he thought he was okay with that until he met Hisoka. 

Hisoka was such a strange, vocal man who tended to speak his mind regardless of the circumstance, which was both admirable and annoying at the same time. He only ever took interest in those who were either stronger than him or possessed something that he wanted. Illumi was neither of those things. In a one-on-one fight, he was certain Hisoka would win. That, and Illumi had absolutely nothing Hisoka would want from him. There must be some other reason behind his interest. 

But what could that reason be? It made absolutely no sense, and made Illumi’s head hurt just thinking about it. For the first time, he found himself wondering if he had made a mistake by seeking the magician out. 

The sound of the shower starting in the bathroom jolted Illumi out of his thoughts. Grateful for the distraction, he stood up and silently wandered down the darkened hallway, seeking out a comfortable place to sleep. He simply refused to sleep in a bed, they were too big and soft and honestly made him feel insecure. He much preferred a dark, tight space in which he was thoroughly hidden from view. A bed was simply too predictable and too obvious. 

He settled on a towel closet at the end of the hallway, right outside the entrance to Hisoka’s bedroom. Illumi determined that the large, broad shelves lined with soft, fluffy towels of varying colors were big enough to accommodate him. Despite how tall he was, he was also exceptionally good at fitting into small, tight spaces thanks to his freakish flexibility. 

Once he had figured that out, he returned to the main room and rummaged around in the small kitchen for something to eat. He selected a pomegranate from the basket of fruit atop one of the black marble counters and set about cutting it open with expert coordination. Before long, he was back on the edge of the couch, sitting up perfectly straight like a cat, munching on a bowl of pomegranate seeds. The dark reddish-purple juice staining his porcelain-pale fingertips reminded him of blood. Blood and the other bodily fluids that tended to stick to his hands after particularly sloppy kills. 

He didn’t usually think of his victims. Didn’t care enough about who his targets were to look back on them. But sometimes, he could still see their faces and hear their voices, as if they’d come back from the grave in the form of ghastly apparitions to haunt him. Their wide, beady eyes and silent, gaping expressions always clearly communicated the same question: _Why?_

Illumi shook those thoughts out of his head. Now was not the time to stress over the dead. 

Instead, he chose to think about what he would do about his parents. He still couldn’t go back to them; he was too ashamed of the fact he was no better than he was when he left. He knew that the fact he had stayed away for too long would result in harsh punishment upon his return, but he could handle whatever torturous hell they could possibly throw at him. He was more worried about what the repercussions would be if he showed up without having made some sort of improvement to himself. What if they decided they didn’t want him anymore and cast him out? 

A slight tremor ran through his body at the very thought of being shunned by his own family. He didn’t know what to do. 

_But... even if I do find a way to better myself... would it finally be enough for them? Or would they just act like I don’t even exist like they always do? Is there even a point in going back?_

Illumi grimaced. He hated himself for thinking such preposterous things. He couldn’t run away from them. He had to go back. But... for the first time ever, he was surprised to find that he did not want to. He’d much rather just stay away. 

_Hisoka doesn’t expect me to constantly improve myself like my parents do. He doesn’t have all these crazy, unobtainable expectations for me. Maybe I am better off just staying here..._

He sighed and popped another pomegranate seed into his mouth, focusing on the tangy, slightly sour taste on his tongue rather than all the unwanted thoughts circling in his brain. He was tired and frazzled from such a long day, now was not the best time to think about any big life decisions. He’d consider it more in the morning, but he was going to put it on hold for the night so he could get some sleep. 

He had completely lost track of time, and wound up lost in thought until Hisoka emerged from the bathroom. Naturally, though not surprisingly, the magician wandered into the front room without any clothes on. His vibrant red hair was messy and strewn across his face, giving him a more rugged appearance. That, and he was no longer wearing his ridiculous makeup. 

Illumi kept his eyes focused on the wall directly across from him for modesty’s sake. Hisoka chuckled as he made his way across the room and stole a couple seeds from Illumi’s bowl. 

“You haven’t moved a muscle since I last saw you. Are you really that good at staying still?” 

“I can remain completely and utterly unmoving for three hours straight when absolutely necessary. This is nothing.” Illumi replied, mechanically. He considered asking Hisoka why he was not dressed, but decided against it. The magician would probably find a question like that immensely amusing. 

Hisoka grinned. “Are you gonna finish those, or can I have some, too?” 

“Take them.” Illumi sighed, handing the redhead the bowl of seeds without looking at him. “What did you think of Haruto? He seemed... strong.” 

“Who, that old man? Strong? Don’t make me laugh, he was a pathetic excuse for an Enhancer. How he managed to fight his way so far up Heaven’s Arena is beyond me. I’m guessing he cut deals with his opponents.” Hisoka waved his hand dismissively, popping a couple seeds into his mouth. 

“Cut deals?” Illumi raised one eyebrow curiously. “As in paying his opponents to forfeit or intentionally lose the match? Or perhaps to not show up at all?” 

“Precisely. There are also those who sneak around here at night, looking to kill their opponents before the match has a chance to start. It’s like assassination, but for extremely petty reasons. It’s a popular way to find yourself near the top of this skyscraper, but killing off a Floor Master such as myself is impossible. It’s also sloppy and generally frowned upon by the community.” Hisoka replied, giving Illumi a quick once-over before returning his attention to the nearly empty bowl of seeds in his lap. 

“Hmm. I can see why. Killing someone in that context is comparable to cheating in a professional sport.” only the assassin’s meticulous training prevented him from cringing under Hisoka’s perverted stare. He hesitated before adding, “I still don’t understand why you toy with your opponents so much, though. If you know they’re going to die, why not just kill them? Why drag it out for longer?” 

Hisoka’s soft smile quickly became a cruel one. “Ah, the answer to that is quite simple, darling. I like to see the look on their faces when they realize I’ve only been toying with them and they never really had a chance to beat me, despite what all their pathetic little hopes and dreams might have been telling them. It’s almost as addicting as watching the light leave a person’s eyes upon slaughtering them. For me, that’s what makes these matches worth my time.” he explained, standing up and marching into the kitchen to rinse the bowl off and put it away. 

“Oh.” Illumi still didn’t understand, but that was most likely because Hisoka made no sense. 

Illumi had never seen the appeal in delaying the inevitable. That was a level of brutality he wasn’t interested in practicing. He liked to make it perfectly clear from the get-go that his targets had absolutely no chance of escaping their encounter with him alive. After all, to die with no hope is better than to die with crushed hope. 

“Have you found a suitable place to sleep, darling?” Hisoka asked, from where he stood in the kitchen, pouring himself a glass of red wine. 

“Yes, I think I have. I’ll soon be retiring for the night.” Illumi replied, looking down at his hands, which were folded neatly in his lap. “Tomorrow I need to start thinking about making arrangements to return home. Whether I’ve bettered myself or not, it’s unacceptable of me to have stayed out this long.” 

“What a shame. I really wish you would stay for longer.” 

“You know as well as I do that I can’t.” 

“And why is that, hmm? You’re a grown man now, Illumi. Your parents don’t have any control over your actions anymore. Legally speaking, you’re free to do whatever you want and they don’t have a say in it.” 

“Assassins must be loyal to their family.” was Illumi’s mechanical response. “Undyingly so. What kind of son would I be if I threw away the life they worked so hard to give me?” 

“Killua did it. He was smart enough to run while he had the chance. Probably because he didn’t want to end up like you.” Hisoka shrugged noncommittally, taking a sip of his wine and eyeing Illumi with what appeared to be pity in those amber eyes of his. 

Illumi’s head snapped up and he glared at the magician with enough venom to kill four grown men. “Do not mention my brother again.” 

“Sorry, sorry...” 

The ravenet sighed, taking a moment to regain his composure before standing up. “I think I’m gonna go to sleep now. Goodnight.” he said, tersely. 

“Goodnight, Illumi.” the magician chuckled as Illumi hurried past, disappearing down the hallway. 

The assassin took a deep breath as he made his way over to the closet he’d found earlier. Perhaps tomorrow would be a better day. Maybe he’d find an answer to his predicament then.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter came out quite a bit sooner than I intended, actually. I'm terrible at writing fight scenes, so I'm really hoping this turned out okay! I apologize if the ending seemed a little sloppy, I wasn't really sure how to break it off while lining it up for the next chapter. As always, thank you so much for reading! Any comments/kudos would be appreciated! Please take care of yourselves, I hope y'all have a wonderful day!


	3. Bad Business

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> No trigger warnings for this chapter, unless you count Hisoka being Hisoka lol. Enjoy!!!

Hisoka had always known that Illumi was a very strange character. He had extremely abnormal tendencies, like blatantly refusing to sleep in the perfectly good guest bedroom Hisoka had offered him a day earlier, when he had arrived at Heaven’s Arena. It wasn’t that big of a deal. Hisoka figured the assassin would just crash on the couch or something. But he was completely and utterly wrong. 

The next morning, when Hisoka woke up, he was surprised to find that Illumi was nowhere to be seen. He had vanished without a trace. The only indication that he’d been there in the first place was a single golden-headed needle sitting on the glass coffee table in front of the couch, undisturbed. The cold metal glimmered in the morning sunlight filtering in through the full-length window set into the right wall, which also succeeded in giving the thin, razor-sharp point of the needle a wicked gleam. 

Why Illumi had left that there was entirely beyond Hisoka. He made a mental note to ask about it later, and set about gathering up a fresh pair of clothes so he could take a quick shower. 

When he moved to his little towel closet near his room, he was startled to find a pair of beady black eyes staring back at him the moment he opened the door. 

Hisoka barked a laugh. “Seriously? How the hell did you manage to fit in here?” 

“It’s not hard.” Illumi blinked a couple times. The raven-haired assassin had somehow managed to wedge himself in one of the shelves about halfway between the floor and the ceiling, using the couple towels that were there as a thin cushion between him and the hard, white wood of the shelf itself. His knees were drawn up so far they covered the lower portion of his face, making it obvious he had curled himself into an extremely tight little ball for the sake of sleeping on the shelf. “I could probably fit in an even smaller space if I tried hard enough. This is nothing.” 

“If you say so, but what I wanna know is why you decided to sleep here, of all places. Wouldn’t a bed be so much more comfortable than whatever you wanna call what you’re doing right now?” Hisoka asked, placing one hand on his hip and giving the assassin an amused look. 

“I like it in here. It’s comfortable. But, because this is your living space, if my current placement is inconvenient for you, I’ll be sure to find a better spot to sleep.” Illumi replied, without skipping a beat. 

“Awww, I knew you cared. You’re fine, darling, you can sleep there if you really want to.” the redheaded magician offered Illumi a playful smile, his pointed features giving him an almost fox-like appearance as he did. “Are you sure you won’t hurt your back sleeping like that? It does look awfully uncomfortable to me, like your pretty little spine might snap at any second.” Hisoka couldn’t help but lick his lips at the deliciously gruesome thought of Illumi’s spine snapping. 

Illumi just stared at him incredulously for a moment before saying, “Not possible. I’m not some delicate flower, y’know...” 

Hisoka snickered under his breath and grabbed a towel off the shelf directly beneath the one Illumi had inhabited, lingering just a moment longer for the sake of eyeing the assassin with an insatiable curiosity. “You’re so silly sometimes, Illu-chan. It’s endearing, really.” he said, running his fingertips along the edge of the shelf Illumi was occupying. 

“You mean to tell me you don’t sleep on shelves and things every so often?” Illumi asked, raising one eyebrow curiously. “It’s not normal around here?” 

“Nope, I’ve never done anything like that before. It’s not exactly socially acceptable anywhere on the continent that I know of. Not because there’s anything wrong with it, though. It’s just strange.” 

“Oh. I wasn’t aware of that.” 

Hisoka shook his head, turning and making his way over to the large bathroom so he could take a shower. He was still marveling at Illumi’s rare ability to cram himself in such tight spaces despite being fairly tall. He was slender in build, his lithe body capable of bending in horrible ways that were painful just to look at, but that still didn’t make his flexibility any less entertaining for someone as sick and twisted as Hisoka. 

Illumi remained curled up in his cabinet before eventually deciding it was time to get up. With practiced, inhuman elegance, he unfolded his legs and pulled himself out of the cabinet in one swift, fluid motion. He smoothed down the wrinkles that had formed in his shirt from the rather odd way he’d spent the night and dusted himself off modestly, doing his best to tidy up his appearance a bit before stepping out of the closet (Hisoka had been kind enough to leave the door to the closet open for Illumi before he left.) 

Illumi had gotten up earlier for the sake of showering, and his waist-length, perfectly straight black hair was still slightly damp because of it. That was the one thing he hated about having such long hair. It took forever to dry upon getting it wet, and it could be quite challenging to brush out at times. 

He sighed and ran his fingers through his hair, feeling the silky strands slide between his digits. Satisfied to find there were no tangles, he wandered into the living room, as silent as a spirit haunting a graveyard. He made himself some tea before settling down on the couch, crisscrossing his legs and sitting up perfectly straight. 

A few wisps of steam rising from the porcelain cup in his hand flitted past his face, briefly catching his attention. He watched those thin tendrils of steam until they dissipated into thin air, contemplating his current predicament. He knew he had to go home, but he was surprised to find that he really didn’t want to. He found himself longing for the freedom Killua had found when he ran away from home. 

_Was Killua really intelligent enough to realize that he’d wind up just like me if he didn’t make a break for it as quickly as possible?_

_But what’s wrong with me? Have I been setting a bad example as his older brother? No, that can’t be right, I’ve always been so careful with him. And I’ve only ever done what Mother and Father asked me to do. I don’t like that they made me train him myself, but... I suppose it was necessary..._

Illumi sighed softly, almost imperceptibly. He hated not knowing what he was doing wrong. Clearly something wasn’t right here, and he had no idea what it was or how to fix it. Hell, he couldn’t even tell if it was a problem with him or with his parents. He was tired of wondering, tired of having to spend so much time contemplating these things. 

The Zoldycks are supposed to be cold. Impassive. Distant. One might even say they are a species entirely separate from society. 

_This is the way I was meant to be. So why does it feel so wrong? It shouldn’t feel wrong. It should be normal._

The young assassin was so lost in thought that he didn’t register Hisoka’s footsteps entering the room. He startled when Hisoka called out, “Hello again, Illumi-chan!” 

“That was fast.” Illumi mumbled, drawing his knees up to his chest and taking a small sip of his tea. It scalded his tongue, but he didn’t particularly care. “You were only gone for about seven minutes.” 

“I wanted to spend some more time with you before heading out for the day. I’ve got some things I want to get done around town before the day’s over, but I figured I wouldn’t have to leave right away if I took a fast shower.” Hisoka replied, his usual smug grin spreading across his face. He sniffed the air thoughtfully, eyes zeroing in on the little cup in Illumi’s hand. “Peppermint tea, I’m assuming? You have good tastes.” 

“Thank you.” Illumi dipped his head politely in response, though he barely registered the magician’s words because he was still contemplating his current predicament. 

“Hmm.” Hisoka tilted his head to one side, noticing that the ravenet looked a lot more blank and detached than usual. “You look like you’ve been thinking hard. Do you mind if I ask what about?” 

Illumi was silent for a moment before looking the magician dead in the face and saying, “I think I was born wrong.” 

Hisoka blinked a couple times. “That isn’t at all what I thought you were going to say. How interesting.” he took a couple steps forward and dropped into the seat beside Illumi, propping his chin up on his fist as he did. “What makes you say that?” 

“Well, I’m not supposed to be unhappy. I’m not supposed to want anything more than the life I’ve been given. And, most importantly, I’m not supposed to have questions. I should be used to being a Zoldyck by now. Should be used to the somewhat unorthodox, isolated manner of living. But... I’m not, so... maybe that means I was born the wrong way. Something must be wrong with me.” Illumi explained, lightly tapping his fingertips against the warm glass in his hands. He didn’t mind discussing these things with Hisoka, seeing as the redheaded magician was just as messed up as he was. 

“I don’t think there’s a single thing wrong with you, darling. In fact, I’m glad you’re finally starting to realize what we’ve all known from the very beginning.” Hisoka reached over and began playing with a loose strand of Illumi’s hair, twirling it around his finger. Illumi didn’t seem to notice at first, so Hisoka repeated the action twice more. 

“What do you mean?” Illumi asked, giving Hisoka a deadpan look. 

“I mean that your parents don’t give two shits about you, darling. They’re just using you for your skill, which rivals no other in my opinion.” Hisoka explained, running the unbelievably soft, silky strand of jet-black hair between his index and middle finger before decidedly tucking it behind Illumi’s ear. The assassin visibly cringed and shrank away from the touch, swatting Hisoka’s hand away. “Oh, goodness, I almost don’t have the heart to tell you this, but... the only reason your parents are constantly invalidating you and telling you that you aren’t good enough because they know you’re loyal to them. Undyingly so. As such, they’re turning you into the most horrific monster they possibly can because that’ll benefit them and their business.” 

“Horrific?” Illumi raised one eyebrow curiously. “How is being an assassin horrific? And, more importantly, what reason would my parents have to use their own son like that?” 

“Lots of reasons, hun. They make a lot of money off you and the jobs you take on for them. Assassination may be a dirty, inhumane business, but it does pay extremely well. I know that for a fact because I used to dabble in it myself before I made it to the top of Heaven’s Arena.” Hisoka explained. He paused for a moment before adding, “Your hair is extremely soft, you know. You should let me touch it more often.” 

“Creep.” Illumi rolled his eyes and made a point to scoot as far away from the magician as the small couch would allow. “My parents love me, don’t they? Or at least, they should. Assassins should only ever love their family. If they really are just using me for money, that would heavily imply they don’t love me.” 

“That’s what I’m trying to tell you.” Hisoka nodded enthusiastically. “I know it might be a bit hard to wrap your head around, but there’s really no point in going back to them. They’ll just keep on using you.” 

“Well, what else do you propose I do? I can’t just run away.” Illumi sighed and pinched the bridge of his nose between his thumb and forefinger as a means to stop himself from facepalming. “If I did run away, they’d find me and I’d have no choice but to go back. If I don’t run away, I’ll return to them empty-handed and disappoint them. Neither are which are very good options.” 

“You know you can stay with me until you’ve got it figured out. Nobody’s forcing you to decide right now. All I’m saying is that you’d be a lot better off if you stayed away from them. They really don’t care about you like you think they do.” 

Illumi grimaced. Hisoka’s words struck a little too close to home. The young assassin had been raised to think that his parents loved him simply because they had told him that assassins were only allowed to love their family and no-one else. It had never really occurred to him that he was never good enough for them because they actually didn’t love him, that they were just trying to keep him under their control for their own benefit. It did make sense, but it was extremely difficult for him to wrap his head around. 

“What if you’re wrong?” he asked, after a long pause. “You don’t know my family like I do, so you might have it all wrong.” 

“We went over this just last night, darling. I’m never wrong. Would you like to come with me when I go out today?” Hisoka decided to change the subject, seeing as his efforts to help Illumi seemed to be doing more harm than good. 

“Come with you?” Illumi’s head shot up and he gave the magician a thoroughly confused stare. “Why would I do that?” 

“You just don’t seem to be in a good enough mindset to be left by yourself all day. I worry about you sometimes, you know.” Hisoka bent over and plucked the golden-headed needle off the coffee table, the one Illumi had left there for whatever reason. “Would you mind telling me why this is on the table and not stuck in your skin somewhere?” 

“Oh, I left it there so I could find my way back here. I’m not familiar with this city, and I don’t want to get lost, so I figured my own Nen could act as a sort of homing beacon. That way, I can always make it back to this building no matter how far away I manage to get." Illumi replied, without skipping a beat. 

Hisoka nodded his understanding and returned the needle to its original position, deciding he’d let it stay there since it served a very important purpose. He couldn’t imagine what it would be like, trying to find Illumi in such a huge city. Seeing as the Zoldyck was trained to conceal his presence at all times, not even Hisoka would be able to find him very easily in a place like this. The unnamed city Heaven’s Arena was built in was both massive and designed to confuse people. Most of the streets were constructed in such a way that they intersected each other at several different points, making it easy to take a wrong turn or end up wandering in circles without realizing. It certainly didn’t help that the vast majority of the buildings in the city were made of the same material, so there were little to no landmarks around that could be used to help someone navigate the place. 

It was almost like the creators of Heaven’s Arena intentionally based it in such a difficult, messy area as a means of testing potential competitors. If you wound up lost in the city and unable to find the arena, you were probably too weak and pathetic to fight competently. It was no wonder why absolutely no directionally challenged people showed up at the arena. You either found Heaven's Arena, or you gave up trying. There was no in-between. 

After a long pause, Illumi realized for the first time that Hisoka expected him to say something else and startled a little. “Sorry, I completely forgot about your first question. I wouldn’t mind coming with you, but only if I know where you’re going and why.” 

“Ah, perfect. I was hoping you’d say that. I’ve just got some unfinished business to handle around town, nothing too serious.” Hisoka clasped his hands together behind his head and leaned back into the couch, eyes half-lidded and wandering over Illumi’s still form with a keen sense of observance, taking in everything from the shimmering black hair flowing down his back to the pale stripe of smooth, soft-looking skin just barely visible between the hem of his shirt – which had ridden up slightly – and the waist of his pants. “There is one guy I have to meet up with who might be a little difficult, but he’s weaker than both of us on our own let alone grouped up, so we have nothing to worry about.” 

“I wouldn’t worry anyway. It is considered a high honor to die by the hand of someone stronger than you.” Illumi declared, and Hisoka scoffed. 

“You’re so strange sometimes, darling. Anyway, we should be back here before the day is over, so we shouldn’t be too terribly worn out by the time we return.” 

“Alright. I suppose I’ll come with you, then. You’ve got me curious now anyway, this difficult guy sounds interesting.” 

“I like the way you think.” 

Once Illumi finished his tea, the two unlikely companions made their way out of Heaven’s Arena and into the massive, maze-like city that had yet to be named. 

Hisoka stole another quick glance at Illumi as they walked side-by-side. The ravenet was walking with his hands clasped behind his back modestly, his head held high in a show of dignified, eerie calmness. Because the Zoldycks had been trained to express absolutely no emotion at any given time, they often appeared calm on an unsettling level, never reacting to anything they observed around them. Illumi was no exception to this rule. His dull, seemingly infinite black eyes scanned over his surroundings at a slow, almost languid pace, taking in and memorizing everything he saw within an instant. It was both fascinating and incredibly sad. 

_Even in a relaxed, carefree environment, he still feels the need to analyze everything he sees as if this were some sort of crucial survival mission. There’s always a hidden sense of urgency within him. He never relaxes, not even for a second._ Hisoka thought, returning his attention to the cluttered city around him before Illumi realized he was being watched. _He sees everything yet feels nothing. How empty and lonely his life must be._

Off to their right, a middle-aged woman dressed in expensive leather clothes began shouting furiously at the young man she’d been having a hushed conversation with mere moments ago. Illumi paused for a split second, regarding the dispute with curiosity in those abysmal eyes of his. He immediately started moving again before anyone could register the fact that he’d stopped in the first place, taking a couple large, rapid steps in order to keep pace with Hisoka. 

“They’re fighting because that woman there believes she is entitled to something the man owns. Sounded like a divorced couple to me, which is no surprise because of the age gap. My guess is that the man married her out of his desire for money, and when she refused to lend him her wealth, he started stealing from her.” Illumi explained, as the woman’s shrill, angry voice faded into the background. 

Hisoka’s eyes widened slightly. “How on earth did you figure all that out so fast?” 

“I was trained to analyze potentially dangerous situations in which aggression may become a problem as quickly and subtly as possible, then to pass on my analysis to anyone else I’m currently traveling with.” Illumi responded, flipping his hair over his shoulder and blinking at the magician as if absolutely nothing were wrong. “I was told that it might very well be valuable information, in the odd event that a situation turns hostile.” 

“Huh. That’s interesting.” Hisoka blinked a couple times, eyeing Illumi with newfound interest. “So, it’s basically passing along potentially crucial information to your team in case something goes wrong. Like an early warning system.” 

“Yes, exactly.” 

They continued walking along in companionable silence, Hisoka mulling over what he’d just learned and Illumi quietly observing the crowd impassively like he had been before. He had already reckoned from the fairly simple way the townspeople were dressed that this city, large though it was, was not rich by any means. There also seemed to be an ever-present tension in the air, as if everyone was ready for a fight. It certainly wasn’t a very friendly environment, so Illumi had to admit he was grateful to be travelling with someone else, even if that someone else happened to be Hisoka. 

This nameless city was not the kind of place Illumi cared to get lost in, though he was fully capable of handling himself. 

“The guy we’re about to meet up with is pretty questionable, just letting you know. I’m pretty sure he’s a suspect in at least three different first-degree murder cases, though I don’t think the local authorities have ever found cause to actually arrest and charge him.” Hisoka explained, glancing over his shoulder at the assassin, who had his hands clasped in of him rather than behind him like before. Hisoka took note of the subtle change in posture. 

“How on earth do you end up dealing business with these kinds of people? Classic murderers are the lowest of the low, seeing as they usually do it as a means of seeking out vengeance. It’s really quite petty.” Illumi scoffed, giving the magician a look that implied he was not amused. 

“He was interesting to me at the time we first started working together. Now, he thinks I owe him money which I obviously don’t because I hate borrowing money from people, so my intention is to find him and figure out why he thinks I’m indebted to him.” Hisoka explained, spreading his hands in a helpless gesture and shooting an apologetic look in Illumi’s general direction. “You don’t have to say anything if you don’t want to, darling. You can just let me do the talking and we’ll be out of there before you know it.” 

“You’re mistaking my disgust for uneasiness. I don’t like dealing with street rats like that, but not out of fear. It’s more of a general contempt for people who think killing is an adequate way to get revenge.” Illumi replied, evenly. He turned up his chin ever so slightly and added, “I will probably stay quiet because this is your business, not mine. You got yourself in this mess, and I believe you are more than capable of getting yourself out of it.” 

Hisoka snickered. “So bratty. But that’s fine with me. I wouldn’t encourage taking part in this discussion anyway. I neglected to mention that this guy’s a bit of a creep, too.” 

“Even more so than you?” Illumi raised one eyebrow and Hisoka rolled his eyes. 

“Yes, even more so than me. Damn brat.” 

Illumi flashed the magician what was most likely supposed to be a playful grin, but it never reached his cold, dead eyes. There was something about the insincerity of the smile that was particularly ominous, like a bad omen. Hisoka felt a shiver of excitement run down his spine and licked his lips. Really, he ought to kill Illumi one of these days. 

A few moments passed before Hisoka located the alleyway he was looking for. It was near the outskirts of town, where only a few poorly dressed people were clustered, obviously up to no good. They didn’t seem to care much when they noticed Hisoka and Illumi’s presence, though their beady, hazy eyes lingered on the glittering, golden-headed needles protruding from various spots on Illumi’s dark crimson vest. It quickly became obvious they were contemplating all the ways they could steal the precious, Nen-infused metal. Illumi walked past them without giving them so much as a second glance. 

The moment the two males ducked into the alleyway Hisoka had indicated, they were met with a low, gravelly voice. “Ah, Hisoka. I thought you’d never come.” 

From the shadows stepped a tall, beefy man with coffee-colored skin, slanted, almond-shaped green eyes, and greasy, short-cropped black hair. He was clad in a thin white tank top and cargo pants, his massive arms folded across his chest and his round, heavily scarred face twisted into a sneer of distaste. He was taller than Hisoka by at least three inches, and if it weren’t for the densely packed buildings rising up around them, he probably would’ve seemed intimidatingly large. 

“Good to see you again, Ryoko!” Hisoka waved a hand in the air, smiling charismatically. “I heard you’ve been stirring up some trouble around here these days.” 

“The same could be said about you. How you’ve managed to maintain your status as Floor Master is entirely beyond me.” Ryoko uncrossed his arms and tilted his head to one side as his eyes landed on Illumi. “That’s quite the beautiful young lady you’ve got there. Is she one of your goofy little friends from Meteor City?” 

Illumi couldn’t help but bristle a little. “I’m a male.” 

“Yes, he is very pretty, but I regret to inform you that he isn’t exactly a lady.” Hisoka said, at the exact same time. “And no, he isn’t from Meteor City.” 

“Oh, really?” Ryoko took a couple steps closer and leaned over, examining Illumi closely. The young assassin couldn’t help but lean back a little, completely repulsed by the man’s overpowering scent. Dead fish. He was obviously a fisherman or a butcher of some sort. Either that, or he just didn’t bother with personal hygiene. “You’re much too good-looking to be a male.” 

“He’s starting to remind me of you.” Illumi said to Hisoka, making a point to ignore the disgusting brute of a man standing in front of him. 

Hisoka barked a laugh and moved to stand between the two. “His name is Illumi and he’s tagging along because he had nothing better to do, obviously. Now, can we focus on the issue at hand?” 

Ryoko eyed Illumi for a moment longer before nodding and taking a step back. “What’s the problem?” 

“You’ve been starting rumors that I owe you money, Ryo. Ridiculously large sums of money, at that. Pray, tell me: why would a highly successful Floor Master such as myself stoop so low and borrow money from the likes of you?” Hisoka cocked his head like a bird, still grinning from ear to ear as if this were a perfectly normal, casual discussion. 

“I don’t know what you’re talking about.” Ryoko shook his head stubbornly. “People start and spread gossip all the time around these parts. It could be literally anybody. But I can tell you right now that I’m not the guy you’re looking for.” 

“Oh, really? That’s funny, because you’re the only person who could’ve done it. I’m used to being talked about in both negative and positive ways, but this kind of thing is something that could only come from someone who’s very jealous of my success and wants to bait me into sharing said success with him, preferably in the form of money.” Hisoka planted one fist on his hip, shifting his weight onto his right foot. He was obviously enjoying this. “You’re an envious and bitter man, of that I’m sure. I know you did this because you just so happen to be the guy I caught trying to steal from me a few months back.” 

Illumi blinked. He was honestly surprised there were people out there who were actually stupid enough to try and mess with Hisoka. 

Ryoko blanched, which immediately incriminated him as the perpetrator of these rumors. His body language was no longer lax and unconcerned. “I would not stoop so low as to start such petty rumors, you know. It’s highly offensive that you think I would.” 

“You’ve stooped lower than that before, don’t flatter yourself. If I were you, I’d think before opening my mouth. In fact, I probably wouldn’t open it at all because you’ve demonstrated time and time again that nothing good ever comes out of it.” 

“You’re the one who baited me into meeting with you! And let’s not forget you dragged your little boyfriend into this.” Ryoko snapped, gesturing wildly to Illumi, who was eyeing him with obvious disgust. 

“I’m not his boyfriend.” Illumi stated, calmly. “I’m afraid all your brash assumptions of me have been completely and utterly wrong thus far.” 

Hisoka shot the assassin an amused look before returning his attention to the massive brute of a man before him. “Yeah, what he said. This ties into my previous point that you really should keep your mouth shut, Ryoko. If you find yourself in a hole, stop digging. And, to put this in a simple way that you will understand, if I ever hear anything like this ever again, I’m going to kill you and feed your corpse to the pigs.” though Hisoka’s expression was calm and fun-loving, his glittering amber eyes told a different story. One of hatred and the promise of a slow, painful death. 

Ryoko’s face turned so pale he looked sickly. “U-Understood. You have my most sincere apologies.” 

“Good! Then I think we’re done here. Come on, darling, let’s go.” Hisoka took hold of Illumi’s arm and led him out of the alleyway. 

Illumi grimaced, his entire figure tensing up. For the sake of his own dignity, he waited until he and Hisoka were a safe distance away from other people before yanking his arm out of the magician's grasp, mumbling a soft, terse “Don’t touch me.” under his breath. 

“So? What did you think?” Hisoka asked, ignoring the spiteful look on the assassin’s face. 

“I think you should be more careful who you do business with. Although I don’t doubt your skill, if that man had gotten close enough, he probably would’ve ripped you to shreds. He was much bigger than you in more ways than one.” Illumi replied, folding his arms across his narrow chest and glaring at the magician indignantly. 

“Noted. I haven’t had to do business with... what was it you called him earlier? A street rat?” Hisoka waited for Illumi’s nod of agreement before continuing, “Well, I haven’t had anything to do with street rats since I first started out in Heaven’s Arena. Once I achieved Floor Master status, I was financially competent enough to advance by social standards as well. Now, I’m working with people like you.” 

“Hmm, interesting. So I take it that Ryoko is a very old business partner of yours, then? When we first met, you’d been a Floor Master for two years running.” Illumi tapped his chin thoughtfully as he and Hisoka made his way down one of the narrower, less crowded streets. 

“Yes, precisely. I’ve known Ryo for at least seven years. Unfortunately, I wouldn’t call us friends. Quite the opposite, in fact. Although he was a major help at first, he’s not the kind of person you’d want to have a positive relationship of any kind with.” Hisoka replied, voice adopting a bemused tone. He almost sounded exasperated, as if he’d been trying to get rid of Ryoko for years and years. Based off his facial expression, that was most likely the case. “He was good to me at first, but once I made it to the top of Heaven’s Arena, he got envious. He’s been trying to either kill me, steal from me, or damage my success in some way, shape or form ever since.” 

“Huh.” Illumi blinked a couple times, processing this new information. “But surely he isn’t stupid enough to try and kill you himself. Based on the fear he showed earlier, he’s seen how dangerous you are firsthand.” he added, after a brief pause. 

“Precisely. He’s a coward, he keeps hiring other people to do his dirty work for him. The victims of the three murder cases I told you about were weak. Pathetic. He’s really one of the lowest slugs in this city.” 

Illumi grimaced. “I never really thought of it that way, if I’m being completely honest. I don’t see some people as more righteous than others, or on a higher plane of existence. I mostly just categorize them as people I can do business with, and people I can’t.” he said, glancing around the quiet streets. There was nobody else present. He and Hisoka were completely and utterly alone. It was almost like the rest of humanity had vanished. 

“Social class plays an important role in how people function, darling. It would do you some good to learn how all that works.” 

Illumi considered that for a moment. “Well, maybe you could teach me.” the words were out of his mouth before he had a chance to think about them. 

He realized he’d most likely made a huge mistake when Hisoka grinned at him and said, “Gladly.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Mmmmmm this one was fun to write, tried to get it done as quickly as possible for my partner because he loves this fic and I wanted to give him something to look forward to! Just know that, in the next chapter after this one, things will start getting steamy. I hope you're enjoying this story so far! Any comments and kudos would be very much appreciated. Take care of yourselves and have a lovely day!


	4. Emotion Unbidden

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Trigger warning for: dissociation and vaguely hinted past trauma.

“So, what you’re saying is that people tend to categorize others based on their current social standing, like workplace, fashion sense and personal conduct?” Illumi asked, taking another slice of orange and nibbling on it thoughtfully. 

Once Hisoka had finished his business around the city, the two had returned to Heaven’s Arena and were now sitting on the floor together, discussing the intricacies of social class and how it affected people over a bowl of fruit. Illumi found it all extremely fascinating. He had no idea society functioned by categorizing people. It all seemed pointless to him, but it was still intriguing nonetheless. 

“Precisely. You see, darling, people like putting other people into boxes. Labeling them. Not being able to label someone because they don’t fit any one stereotype is unsettling to most, hence why people don’t seem to like you very much.” Hisoka explained, grinning playfully. He intentionally reached for another piece of fruit at the same time Illumi did, allowing his fingertips to graze the back of the assassin’s wrist for a split second. “You don’t really fit any of the generic stereotypes, you know.” 

“How petty.” Illumi pulled his hand away and shot Hisoka a warning glare. “I don’t know if I should care about this or not. Is it important to fit certain stereotypes?” 

“No, not really. If I’m being completely honest with you, the labels people put on other people are completely pointless. They serve absolutely no purpose other than giving us a reason to judge each other.” Hisoka replied, popping the grape he’d selected from the bowl into his mouth. 

“Huh. Maybe this is why my parents never taught me things regarding social interaction. It’s so... unnecessarily complicated.” Illumi grimaced, plucking a small piece of banana from the bowl and turning it over in his hands before eating it. “I personally do not see a real reason for this type of human categorizing to exist.” 

“Me neither, hun. You’re not the only one. Society functions differently than people like us. We tend to lurk on the outside looking in because regular people make no sense to us. And, in return, they basically label us as freaks and shun us.” Hisoka’s amber eyes glittered with a murderous light. It was obvious something had gotten him all excited because Illumi could sense the tiniest bit of bloodlust seeping out of him. “That’s why I like this place. It’s how I show all of them what I’m made of. I don’t need other people’s worthless opinions to be successful.” 

Illumi blinked a couple times, staring at the magician with what appeared to be vast interest. “I’m sensing some kind of story here.” he said, after a brief pause. 

“I’m from Meteor City, darling. I spent the early years of my life being tossed around like a worthless piece of trash. As such, I know a thing or two about being cast out by my own species.” Hisoka replied, pulling a deck of cards from his pocket and beginning to shuffle it with expert coordination. He seemed to know exactly how to bend the cards in such a way that they appeared to dance between his fingers, giving the little display a hypnotic effect. 

Illumi only just barely managed to keep his eyes off the fast-moving cards in Hisoka’s hands. Something about the magician’s words had really resonated with him for some reason. Illumi felt something deep inside of him stir. Something welling up in his chest. He was _feeling_ something. 

He blanched and looked down at the floor, suddenly extremely intimidated by the idea of meeting Hisoka’s burning amber gaze. 

“If you don’t mind, could you tell me more about that? I don’t think you’ve ever told me about your childhood before, and I must admit I am very intrigued.” Illumi said, clearing his throat and doing his best to play off whatever the hell had just happened to him. That heavy feeling in his chest didn’t go away. It stayed right where it was, lingering there, like a nightmare creeping in on the edge of his consciousness. 

“Hmm, I don’t usually talk about that sort of thing. Nobody’s ever been interested in what I was before I got all fancy.” Hisoka raised one eyebrow, rearranging his cards into a neat pile and leafing through them, being careful not to scratch them with his dangerously sharp fingernails. 

“Well, I am. Everyone’s got a story, right?” Illumi crisscrossed his legs, eyeing the bowl of fruit directly in front of him and briefly debating with himself as to whether or not he should grab another piece. He decided against it and leaned back a bit, returning his gaze to Hisoka’s. 

The magician was silent for a moment, pulling the red joker from his deck and setting it aside. “I’ll make you a deal, then. I’ll tell you something about me if you tell me something about you.” 

Illumi considered it for a second and nodded his agreement. “Deal.” 

“Well, as you already know, Meteor City is a really trashy place. In fact, I don’t think it even deserves to be called a city at this point, it’s mostly a garbage heap where people try to live their lives.” Hisoka located the other joker in the deck and laid it alongside the first. He began shuffling his cards again, watching the assassin out of the corner of his eye. “I don’t really remember much of it, in all honesty. I just know that living there, growing up there automatically meant you were weak and disgusting in the eyes of other people who had been born into wealthier, more fortunate realities.” 

“Oh!” Illumi’s abysmal black eyes lit up as the realization dawned on him. “So that’s how you know so much about social class. You literally had to claw your way up to the higher parts of it, didn’t you?” 

Hisoka’s lips twitched upward. “Precisely. And that’s also one of the reasons I enjoy fighting people stronger than I am. I’m used to being the weakest of the weak, the lowest of the low. In fact, I know exactly what it is to be considered human scum unworthy of being alive. A waste of space. As such, I feel the need to go out and prove that I’m the best. That everyone who ever told me I wouldn’t amount to anything was wrong.” he explained, spreading his cards out across the floor, forming a half circle around him. He counted them all carefully to make sure they were all still there before gathering them up again. 

Illumi watched this almost ritualistic behavior with wide, curious eyes, processing everything he had just been told. 

_Human scum._

_Unworthy of being alive._

_A waste of space._

“Your turn.” Hisoka said, shrugging noncommittally. “What’s something you remember about growing up?” 

“Well... my parents have always been belittling me in the same way people belittle you, but for different reasons. My parents don’t do it because of where I was born. They do it because they want to motivate me to do better, to be better. They just want me to live up to my full potential and become one of the most dangerous assassins on the planet.” Illumi began wringing his hands as if nervous, grimacing as that uncomfortable feeling sitting in his chest became a lot more prominent than before. “Or at least, that’s what I keep telling myself.” 

“Hmm. I can’t imagine what it must be like, having parents that are constantly breathing down your neck like that.” Hisoka tilted his head to one side, making sure his deck was thoroughly shuffled before handing it to Illumi. “Take these and tell me what you notice about them.” 

Illumi took the cards without hesitation, ignoring the way Hisoka’s fingers intentionally brushed against the back of his hand as he did. At first glance, the deck looked completely normal. Not a single card was missing, with the exception of the two jokers that were still sitting beside Hisoka. But Illumi knew better than to assume the cards were normal. He tested their weight and experimentally ran his finger along the edge of one. He was not surprised when the card cut into his finger. He set the deck aside and showed Hisoka the bead of crimson forming on the pad of his forefinger. 

“The cards have a serrated edge. They’re also weighted in such a way they are perfectly balanced, making them ideal long-distance weapons.” Illumi stated, returning the deck to Hisoka. 

“Yes, exactly. All my cards are like that. But they all started out as normal playing cards. I set them up as weapons myself when I was twelve or thirteen years old.” Hisoka replied, finding the card Illumi had nicked his finger on so he could lick the small streak of crimson blood off the edge. He gestured to the glass coffee table behind Illumi and added, “I noticed something similar about your needle when I picked it up earlier.” 

“Oh?” Illumi couldn’t help glancing over his shoulder, making sure the needle he’d left on the coffee table was still there. Satisfied that it was, he returned his attention to Hisoka. 

“At first glance, it is just a needle fashioned from a very expensive metal, infused with just enough Nen to be sensed from a long distance but not enough to arouse suspicion. But, because you are a Manipulator, I know better to assume that a needle is just a needle.” Hisoka grinned. “We are a lot more similar than you think we are, darling. We’ve both got a thousand and one tricks up our sleeve, we both come from somewhat unfavorable conditions...” 

“Don’t be ridiculous, I’m nothing like you.” Illumi scoffed, turning up his chin and making a point to avoid direct eye contact with the magician. He hated to admit it, but his discomfort had nothing to do with Hisoka. It had everything to do with the emotion fluctuating in his chest. The emotion he wasn't supposed to have. 

Hisoka sighed and folded his hands behind his head, watching the assassin with a curious glimmer in his eyes. “I’m guessing your parents told you that you aren’t allowed to relate to anyone.” 

Illumi decided not to answer, choosing instead to get up and move from the floor to the couch, putting a comfortable amount of distance between himself and Hisoka. Maybe if he avoided the magician for long enough, he would return to normal. He wasn’t supposed to feel anything at all. In fact, he couldn’t remember the last time he had experienced emotion. 

But somehow, something Hisoka said had caused Illumi to feel something. 

The young assassin knew he absolutely could not go back to his parents now, because if they found out he’d allowed his impassive mask to slip even for a single millisecond, they would never let him out of their sights ever again. He was surprised to find that he didn’t want to lose what little freedom he had. 

_We are a lot more similar than you think we are._

Despite the distance between them, Hisoka’s words reverberated around within Illumi’s skull loud and clear, as if they had only just been spoken. 

_In fact, I know exactly what it is to be considered human scum unworthy of being alive. A waste of space._

Illumi sighed and doubled over, clasping his head between his hands as if it were about to split wide open. There was something about the way Hisoka had said those things that really bothered him in a way he couldn’t describe. Maybe it was the way Hisoka’s playful tone had dropped, replaced by something much more somber. His musical voice had reflected a sort of loneliness and neglect that Illumi... _understood?_

“Are you alright, Illu-chan? You seemed to be in a hurry to get away from me, but now you just look like you’ve got a headache.” Hisoka called out, from his perch on the floor. 

Illumi ignored him, trying and failing to concentrate. What was it that he had felt a few moments ago? He knew he felt something but he didn’t understand what it could be. It had been so long since he had felt anything at all that he had no idea how to determine what he was experiencing. 

It had been painful, but not physically so. It was heavy and black and uneasy, churning within him restlessly like the sea during a storm. It was almost like it wanted something. What did it want? Why was he feeling it in the first place? 

_No, no, no... this is all wrong..._

“Illumi?” Hisoka’s voice was a lot closer than before. Suddenly his hand was on Illumi’s shoulder, shaking the assassin lightly in an attempt to snap him out of whatever dazed stupor he had entered. 

Illumi came to in an instant, slapping Hisoka’s hand away and jabbing a finger at him accusingly. “I thought I told you earlier not to touch me.” 

“Ah, there you are. You were being awfully quiet just a moment ago, I almost thought you were sick or something.” Hisoka grinned, holding out his hands in an innocent gesture. “Seems you’re back to your normal self again. Yay.” 

“Assassins don’t get sick. What do you want?” Illumi glared at the magician suspiciously, all thoughts regarding whatever he’d felt a few moments ago forgotten for the time being. 

“I wanna know why you were completely unresponsive just a second ago.” Hisoka replied, evenly. “I called your name at least six times, you know. The only way I could get through to you was by physically shaking you. Hence why you had to slap me.” 

“Six times?” Illumi suddenly felt like his stomach had been turned inside out. “Are you sure?” 

“Positive. Are you sure you’re okay?” 

“Yes, I’m fine, I just... didn’t hear you.” 

Illumi knew it was a poor and honestly unbelievable excuse, but he couldn’t think of anything else to explain why he had spaced out so hard he had become completely unaware of his surroundings. Maybe something _was_ wrong with him. 

“What about your issue with your parents? Are you planning on going home anytime soon?” Hisoka questioned, leaning forward and propping his chin up on his fist. 

“No, I’m afraid not. I can’t go back to them just yet.” Illumi sighed, painfully aware of the way Hisoka was looking at him. He could feel the way those glittering amber eyes were tracing over every inch of his form, studying him, admiring him like he was some sort of porcelain doll. “I’ve got something else to figure out before I can return home.” 

“Ah. I’m alright with that. You can stay here as long as you need.” Hisoka smiled, still eyeing the ravenet with unfettered interest. 

“Hmm. Are you okay with letting me sleep in that one closet I found for the time being, then?” Illumi asked. 

“I still don’t see how you find that comfortable, but yes.” 

“Whoever said it was comfortable?” 

“Usually people tend to fall asleep when and where they are most comfortable, darling.” 

“Do they really?” 

Hisoka snickered. “You’re so naïve it hurts, Illu-dear. Don’t tell me you’ve been cramming yourself into shelves in dark closets because it somehow provides you with some sort of tactical advantage as an assassin.” 

“Maybe it does. I haven’t had time to test that out yet. I just don’t like sleeping in beds. It’s too predictable.” Illumi reasoned, spreading his hands in a helpless gesture. “Besides, I like the dark. It’s... comforting.” 

“How interesting. You really are a strange one. Well, the guest bedroom is still very much available to you in the odd event that you change your mind.” Hisoka said, offering Illumi a friendly grin. 

The assassin blinked a couple times and nodded. “Noted. Thank you.” 

In all honesty, Illumi wasn’t sure exactly what had prompted him to ask Hisoka if he could stay with him in Heaven’s Arena. It wasn’t like Illumi couldn’t find somewhere else. He usually gave the money he made off assassinations to his parents, but he hadn’t come back home from his latest job yet, so he had more than enough money on him to stay virtually anywhere. 

He hated to admit it, but there was something enticing about Hisoka. Maybe it was how flamboyant and headstrong his personality was. Maybe it was because of how useful and helpful he had been in the past. Or maybe it was because the way he looked at Illumi made the young assassin feel... warm. 

It wasn’t physical warmth as in temperature. It was more of a mental sense of warmth that Illumi didn’t really understand. Warmth was hard to come by in the Zoldyck family. The last time he could remember feeling this way was when each of his siblings were born and he was allowed to hold them for the first time. He remembered how content he had been, even if it was only for a single moment. He remembered the feeling of warmth spreading through his bones as he gazed down upon the rounded faces of his newborn siblings, who would eventually grow to hate him for how cold he was. 

Meanwhile, Hisoka was studying every square inch of the lovely, raven-haired assassin beside him. He had also found himself extremely captivated by Illumi, though he had no idea why. They were equal in power, and Hisoka usually only took interest in those who were stronger than him. He also preferred those who could challenge him in some way, and he was pretty sure he could overpower and subdue Illumi if it ever came down to it. 

_It makes no sense,_ Hisoka thought to himself, as his glittering amber eyes scanned over the soft-looking, unblemished skin that made up Illumi’s face. _He should be nothing more to me than a partner in crime, or, at the very least, an eventual one-night-stand. But something tells me he’s become more than that, and I’m not sure if I like that._

Illumi noticed the way Hisoka was staring at him and rolled his eyes. “Don’t you have anything better to do than stare at me all the time?” he asked, his voice tinged with exasperation. 

“No, not really.” Hisoka replied, without skipping a beat. “You’re cute. I can’t find a single reason to not stare at you.” 

“I am not cute.” Illumi flipped his hair over his right shoulder with an indignant scoff and pushed himself to his feet. “You’re delusional as ever. I think I’m gonna explore for a little while. Or maybe I’ll go back up to the roof.” 

“Very well. Have fun.” Hisoka purred. 

Illumi gave absolutely no explanation for his sudden desire to just up and leave like that. He straightened out his dark red vest – which was studded with needles from the hem all the way up to the collar – before making his way to the front door and disappearing outside without saying anything else. 

Hisoka watched him go, licking his lips and grinning from ear to ear as if he were about to do something mischievous. 

The magician always seemed to have an answer for everything, but this time, even he had absolutely no idea what was going on here. He had never been interested in anyone the same way he was interested in that assassin. In fact, of all the people he could’ve taken interest in, the last person he expected it to be was someone with a job as boring and restrained as assassination. Killing people because you were told to was something that did not appeal to Hisoka at all. 

And yet... there was something fascinating about Illumi. He was so impassive and almost robotic in the way he spoke, moved and acted, but he also had something of a personality buried beneath the brainwashing his parents had put him through. He was such a quirky little character, doing odd things like sleeping in closets for no other reason than his strong dislike for beds, or giving Hisoka borderline sarcastic comments while they were on their way to meet Ryoko. It was those small, seemingly irrelevant things that revealed bits and pies of who Illumi really was. 

Hisoka sighed and leaned back into his seat. He should’ve just killed Illumi a long time ago, because now he really didn’t want to. There was something so utterly fascinating about that damn assassin. 

Hisoka had never been one to try and curb his own insatiable desire. He was determined to find what made Illumi Zoldyck so unexplainably special, even if that also meant finding all the things that had broken him.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Heh, we're far enough into this story now that I think I can start introducing the slow romance element, hence why this chapter had some suspiciously interesting features to it, like Illumi's emotional state and Hisoka's unfettered interest in him. I've got a lot planned for this story, and it's honestly the best thing I have ever written. I hope y'all are enjoying this as much as I am! Any comments/kudos would be very much appreciated. Take care of yourselves and have a lovely day!


	5. Enter Saki

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> TRIGGER WARNING FOR: Mentions of past torture, dissociation.

Hisoka would be lying if he said he didn’t like the city Heaven’s Arena was built in. He absolutely loved it, as a matter of fact. As such, he took frequent walks for the sake of testing his sense of direction and his ability to navigate the maze-like city, which seemed to have been built for that very purpose. 

It had been three days since his little discussion with Illumi regarding social class and some details of his past, and... well... Illumi had barely spoken three words to the magician since. It was very odd, because the assassin was usually an inquisitive, curious creature by nature. Hisoka didn’t know what to make of this silence. He found a hard time believing Illumi was immature enough to know how to intentionally avoid people, but at the same time, that meant there had to be something else wrong. 

Hisoka found himself wondering if it had anything to do with how strangely Illumi had been acting shortly after their discussion. 

The magician hummed to himself to pass the time, amber eyes scanning over the white stucco buildings surrounding him. He had somehow wandered into the more run-down side of the city; he could tell from the fact a lot of the buildings had discolored, crumbling walls pockmarked with dark grey areas in which the stony white material they were composed of had chipped away. There were a lot of people out and about during the afternoon, especially because it had been cloudy all day. The hot white sun that had been beating down on the city for the past three or four days had completely vanished behind thick grey clouds, growing darker and darker toward the northern horizon, indicating the presence of a violent thunderstorm. 

Hisoka walked past a young woman, small and thin in stature, clad in nothing but patchy rags that contrasted her dark skin. Her eyes lingered on him as he passed, quite obviously glowering with envy. He completely ignored her, too lost in thought to care much for the people around him. 

_I think it was just some kind of intense dissociation,_ Hisoka thought to himself, as he reflected on the way Illumi had been sitting with his legs crossed and his head in his hands, silently rocking back and forth as if he were being pushed by an invisible force. The ravenet had been completely unresponsive until Hisoka came over and physically shook him to snap him out of it. He hadn’t responded to his name being called, hadn’t responded when Hisoka moved closer. That, and his abysmal black eyes had been extremely blank, as if his soul had departed from his body, leaving an empty shell behind. 

Hisoka wondered what kind of thoughts caused Illumi to completely detach himself from reality and get lost in his own mind like that. It was crazy to think about. Perhaps it was a result of the hellish torture training he’d been through? 

There was something extremely fascinating about the whole situation. Hisoka had a feeling that it really was some kind of mental defense mechanism, something Illumi did subconsciously when reality became too overwhelming, too painful to deal with. Which meant it had to be a result of the grueling torture he’d faced at the hands of his parents. 

Hisoka stopped dead in his tracks when he felt something soft press against his leg all of a sudden. He glanced down, and was pleasantly surprised to find a little puppy barely older than three months old nudging the side of his leg and pawing at his shoe impatiently. 

“Oh, hello there, little friend.” Hisoka stooped down and scooped the tiny creature up to get a closer look at it. It squirmed around and yapped at him, but eventually settled down and took to sniffing his arms curiously, taking in as many of the various scents coating his skin as possible. 

It had vivid, icy blue eyes and dark, chocolatey brown fur with caramel-colored splotches here and there. Its ears were floppy, perked up and twitching attentively. A closer examination told Hisoka that the thick-haired puppy was female. She seemed to be in really good shape, which meant she had been abandoned by her previous owner quite recently. Either that, or she had somehow escaped. No matter what the case was, Hisoka had no intention of seeking her old owner out. He now understood how he could start getting through to Illumi. 

Meanwhile, back in Heaven’s Arena, a certain raven-haired assassin had been all bunched up in the towel closet all morning long. He wasn’t sure why he decided to go back in there after getting out of the shower. He just knew that he was enjoying the silence and the sense of security that came with being firmly pressed between two solid, flat surfaces, like the shelf he’d claimed as his sleeping space. The folded towels beneath him did little to protect him from the cold, hard wood, and if he were a normal person, he probably would’ve been uncomfortable and miserable. Unsurprisingly, he didn’t feel a thing. 

Illumi also wasn’t sure why he’d been avoiding Hisoka. It was completely involuntary, as unbelievable as that may sound. He didn’t know how or why it had happened, just that he’d been strangely unable to speak over the past three days. 

He had no idea what was wrong with him. It was almost as if his mind kept getting stuck on a loop, going back and forth between wanting to return home because he was loyal to his parents and wanting to stay with Hisoka because... well... Illumi still wasn’t sure why he wanted such a thing. He knew that he was pathetic and should know by now what the right course of action was. If his parents saw him so unsure of himself, they would be so very disappointed they probably wouldn’t even want to look at him anymore. 

_But it’s my own fault for being caught in such a disgusting state of mind. Perhaps this is why they never were proud of me. It seems I still lack the mental fortitude they all seem to possess._ Illumi sighed and drew his knees closer to his chest. _I’ve worked so hard for this my entire life. It’s my entire reason for existing, my purpose. Will I ever be strong enough to keep up with it?_

He really didn’t know what to do. If he didn’t go back, he’d be hunted down and forced to return, most likely. But if he did go back... would the seemingly endless cycle of falling short of his parents’ expectations continue? Would he ever be good enough, or was he really just a puppet they used for their own personal gain? 

_Stop thinking that way. Assassins are supposed to be loyal to their families. Which means my parents do care about me. I just need to trust them._

_They’ve given me no reason to trust them, so why should I?_

_Shut up. Do what you’re told._

Illumi winced. His internal dialogue was starting to sound way too much like his father. In fact, now that he was thinking about it in that sense, there had been countless times in which Silva had told Illumi to keep quiet and just do what he was told. 

_Hisoka was right._ Illumi’s abysmal black eyes widened ever so slightly. _My parents really do have a lot of control over me. Even my innermost thoughts have begun to emulate them. But is it too much control? Or is it just part of being an assassin? After all, they do expect my undying loyalty to them. It would make sense for them to influence me as much as possible._

_But when have they ever been loyal to me in return?_

The last time Illumi checked, he was certain that loyalty was a two-sided thing. One-sided loyalty was often described as unhealthy. Dangerous. A waste of one’s time and potential. Surely his parents wouldn’t set him up for failure by tricking him into thinking they actually cared about him and wanted nothing but the best for him... right? 

It was a lot to think about, and Illumi was beginning to feel extremely overwhelmed by it. Naturally, he was extremely grateful when he heard the front door open and then slam shut again. 

“Lu-chan! I’m back! And I found something I think you might like!” Hisoka’s singsong voice carried throughout the living space as clearly and as vividly as a bell that had just been struck. 

Illumi quickly unfolded himself from his unideal sleeping position and made his way out of the closet. “What exactly is it that you found? If it’s some weird magic trick that involves me in any way, shape or form, I want nothing to do with it!” he called out, as he combed his fingers through his waist-length black hair to make sure it hadn’t become disheveled while he was curled up in the closet. 

Hisoka laughed, though it sounded less like laughter and more like a fox yipping. “I promise you it’s nothing like that. This is a surprise I think you’ll enjoy.” 

Illumi grimaced. “I don’t like surprises.” he muttered under his breath, checking over his appearance one more time before making his way out to the living area where Hisoka was. 

Usually, surprises were a very terrible and unpleasant thing in the Zoldyck family. Surprises often came in the form of an unfamiliar concoction of poison being mixed in with their food for the sake of raising their toxin tolerance, or in the form of their parents congratulating them on becoming immune to some form of torture only to introduce them to a different form that was much more painful than the last. Illumi would be lying if he said he didn’t expect something like that from Hisoka. 

Naturally, it surprised the raven-haired assassin when he found Hisoka standing in front of the coffee table with a brown and caramel-colored bundle of fur in his arms. 

Illumi froze, staring at the furry bundle apprehensively. “What is that?” 

“She’s-…" Hisoka started to say, but then the fur in his arms twitched and shifted slightly. 

_“What is that?”_ Illumi interjected, craning his neck, trying to make out what the mysterious thing could be from a safe distance. 

“Calm down, you big baby. It’s just a puppy.” Hisoka rolled his eyes with his usual cheeky grin, bending down to place the bundle of fur on the floor. 

All of a sudden, Illumi found himself staring into a pair of curious, icy blue eyes. The little puppy woofed at him in greeting, and he stiffened. 

“Why on earth did you bring that _thing_ here?” 

“Because,” Hisoka shrugged, watching the heated staring contest happening between the puppy and the assassin with an amused grin. “I figured you could use some company. You’re always by yourself and I can tell you’ve been a little out of it lately. May as well have something soft and cuddly around anyway, it’s good for you.” 

Illumi opened his mouth to form a response, but all of a sudden, the fluffy little creature on the floor managed to get to her feet and took a single step toward him on white paws that were too big for her tiny body. Needless to say, he bolted faster than the eye could see. Next thing Hisoka knew, Illumi was on top of the tall bookcase near the door, glaring down at the puppy with enough venom in those cold, black eyes of his to kill a few dozen men. 

“What the hell-… Illumi, are you kidding me? She’s completely harmless!” Hisoka laughed almost hysterically, stooping and patting the puppy’s head to emphasize his point. She yowled at him as if to ask, _why is this other human so scared of me?_

“Don’t touch it!” Illumi squawked, flapping his hands ridiculously at the magician from his safe perch atop the bookcase. “It’ll take your hand off!” 

“No she won’t, stop being so dramatic. Why are you so afraid of her? Don’t tell me you’ve never seen a cute, friendly doggie before.” Hisoka sat down and crisscrossed his long legs, stroking the puppy’s soft, unbelievably fluffy fur. She squirmed around a bit at first, playfully nipping at Hisoka's hand, before settling down and making herself comfortable on the hard wooden floor. 

“My family’s dog is anything but cute and friendly.” Illumi hissed. 

Realization and understanding dawned on Hisoka a split second later. “Oh, you mean Mike, don’t you? That big hound from the pits of hell is absolutely not a dog. I’m not sure what he is, but he certainly isn’t anything like the dogs I’ve seen. For one, he’s way bigger and meaner. For two, he was trained by your parents, which makes him evil and terrifying by right.” he paused for a second and grinned shamelessly before adding, “Though I’m not sure why a family composed of the most dangerous assassins in the world would need a big, scary creature to keep them safe.” 

Illumi’s burning gaze flitted from the puppy to Hisoka. “What did you just say about my family?” 

“You heard me. But, in any case, I’m more surprised that all it took was a harmless little ball of fluff to defeat the terrifying Illumi Zoldyck.” 

Illumi glared at the magician for a moment, contemplating whether or not it was a wise decision to fling needles at him from the safety of the bookcase. It probably wasn’t. Hisoka could easily dodge such an attack and would probably proceed to laugh at Illumi even more. 

Pride thoroughly wounded, Illumi plucked a couple needles from hidden locations on his clothes and started slowly, cautiously clambering down the side of the book case. He had three needles clenched between his fingers, glittering dangerously in the morning light filtering in through the numerous full-length windows around him. 

“What do I do, exactly? Is there a certain way I have to move in order to keep that thing from attacking me?” He asked, pointing the blunt, rounded end of one needle at the puppy, who was eyeing him with her tongue lolling out of her mouth, completely unconcerned. 

“If she attacks you, I’ll dye my hair the brightest, most obnoxious green I can find.” was Hisoka’s even response. “Put those needles away. She’s not gonna do anything. Sit down and let her say hello.” 

“I’m fine, I think I’ll stand.” Illumi folded his arms, refusing to come any closer. 

The look Hisoka gave him was similar to the one mothers gave their misbehaving children. “Illumi, if you don’t sit down right now-…" 

“Alright, alright.” the ravenet rolled his eyes, slowly but surely lowering himself to the floor. Now, both his dignity and his pride were wounded, and he was still absolutely terrified of the little puppy Hisoka had brought home. 

“Just let her come to you.” Hisoka said, even as the puppy started waddling toward Illumi, shaggy tail swinging back and forth in slow, sweeping motions. 

Illumi went absolutely rigid, resisting the urge to scramble backward and fling needles at the creature approaching him. She didn’t seem to be exhibiting any hostile behavior. Her floppy, soft-looking ears were up, and her head was lowered, sniffing the floor in front of her, reading all the foreign scents within the wood. She paused for a moment, then looked Illumi dead in the face and started trotting toward him, icy blue eyes sparkling with curiosity and delight at the prospect of making a new friend. 

“I don’t like this, Hisoka.” Illumi said, leaning back slightly, as if that would put a safe amount of distance between him and the baby canine. “Why does it insist on coming so close to me? Is there a reason?” 

“She’s a puppy, she’s curious by nature. And stop calling her an it. She’s female.” Hisoka replied, shaking his head and clicking his tongue disapprovingly. “Sometimes I wonder how you’ve managed to last this long. You’re an assassin. A cold-blooded, stone-hearted killer. And yet you’re somehow terrified to the point of incapacitation over a puppy, of all things.” 

“I’m not terrified.” Illumi gave the magician a hateful stare. 

“Bullshit, Illumi. Look at how tense you are.” 

The assassin visibly cringed when the puppy’s tiny snout stopped within millimeters of his leg. She sniffed at his knee, her black button of a nose occasionally grazing his pants. He couldn’t help but clench his needles a little tighter, prepared to throw them with lethal force the moment the puppy exhibited any kind of hostile behavior. 

A long moment passed before the puppy’s pink tongue lolled out of her mouth and she propped her two front paws up on Illumi’s leg, craning her tiny neck forward, panting happily. 

“What is she doing?” Illumi demanded to know, leaning back even further, resisting the urge to push her off him. “Can you get her off me, please?” 

“No. You’re fine.” Hisoka said, simply. He was looking at his dangerously sharp fingernails with fake modesty, eyeing Illumi out of the corner of his eye with obvious amusement. “Try petting her. She’s really soft. But let her sniff your hand first so she grows accustomed to your scent.” 

“No.” was Illumi’s blunt response. 

Hisoka gave him that same stern look from before. “Seriously, Lu-chan? Just do it. I promise nothing bad’s gonna happen to you. But you’ll also never get over your fear of puppies unless you try interacting with her. She’s not gonna hurt you.” 

“Fine.” Illumi hissed, begrudgingly. He absolutely did not want to appear weak and terrified in front of Hisoka, of all people. That, and the fact Hisoka had put extra emphasis on the words _“fear of puppies”_ had just added insult to injury. “If she bites me, I’m gonna kill her. And you’re next.” 

Hisoka’s eyes lit up and he clapped his hands together like an excited kid on Christmas morning. “Ooh, yes, please try it. Please, please try it.” 

Illumi stared at the redhead incredulously, opening and closing his mouth a few times. He had completely forgotten that Hisoka was somehow both sadistic and masochistic at the same time, which basically meant that threatening him did nothing but excite him. It also meant that Illumi had a hard time deciphering whether or not the magician was excited to inflict pain, or to receive it. 

“You’re disgusting.” Illumi finally said, even as he slowly extended his hand toward the puppy propped up on his leg. 

The puppy yapped and chose that exact moment to glance over her shoulder at Hisoka, almost as if she were agreeing with Illumi. After that, she set about sniffing Illumi’s hand. He flinched when he felt something warm and wet come into contact with his knuckles, recoiling and hissing under his breath as if he’d been burnt. He glared at the puppy, who had been licking his hand determinedly a moment ago. She just stared back at him with her head cocked to one side, completely unfazed. 

“It’s safe to pet her, Illumi. You can go ahead.” Hisoka said, waving a hand dismissively. 

“How do I do that?” 

“You don’t know how to pet a dog? Are you kidding?” 

“Do I look like I’m kidding?” 

“...No.” 

Hisoka sighed and scooted forward, scooping the puppy up and plopping her down in Illumi’s lap simultaneously. Naturally, Illumi flinched and immediately started trying to push the tiny creature off him, but Hisoka grabbed both of his hands, stopping him. 

“Hold on a second. Just... try it, okay? She’s not gonna bite you.” The magician said, rubbing small circles on the backs of Illumi’s hands with his thumbs in an attempt to calm him down. “If she does, you can be mad at me.” 

“I’m gonna kill both of you if she does.” Illumi insisted, slowly raising his gaze to meet Hisoka’s. 

Hisoka rolled his eyes and smiled knowingly, but still said, “Alright, darling. I suppose that’s fine.” 

Satisfied, Illumi yanked his hands away and returned his attention to the puppy, who was pawing at his leg impatiently and sniffing at his arms. He jumped a little when her cold nose prodded the side of his bicep, but this time, he wasn’t so quick to try and push her away. Now that he thought about it, the puppy wasn’t exhibiting any sort of hostile behavior. She seemed curious. Inquisitive, almost. But not dangerous. 

Tentatively, he reached out and lightly poked the top of her head, recoiling immediately after, as if he’d just poked a live cobra. Being extremely young and hyper, she immediately stood up on her hind legs, chasing after his hand and leaning her front paws against his chest, bringing her tiny, elongated face close to his. Before he had time to react, she’d licked his chin three times. 

Hisoka burst out laughing. “I think she likes you, Illu-chan!” 

“Um... maybe don’t do that?” Illumi said to the puppy, as her tiny mouth dropped open and her pink tongue lolled out of her mouth. “I don’t like being licked.” 

“All you have to do is be gentle with her. Like this.” Hisoka reached forward and stroked the length of the puppy’s fluffy back with the palm of his hand, fingers curled to match the curve of her narrow body. “Dogs usually love to be pet, especially when they’re super friendly like this one. She also seems to like being carried and held in people’s laps, based off what I’ve seen.” 

“Huh. Mike never liked being pet. The last time I tried to treat him like a dog, he almost took my head off.” Illumi tilted his head to one side, tentatively reaching out and running his fingertips over the puppy’s head. Her fur was unbelievably soft. He repeated the action twice more before the puppy curled up into a little ball in his lap, resting her head on his leg. “But you’re right, he probably did that because he isn’t exactly a dog. Much less a friendly one.” 

Hisoka smiled, noticing how Illumi’s voice had softened slightly. “Well, even at that, all dogs are different. There are some who actually are mean, and there are some that don’t like being touched. It really just depends on the dog and how well their master treats them.” 

“Oh? So, you’re saying if a dog is mistreated by whoever owns them, they are more likely to resent humans?” Illumi asked, voice adopting a curious tone. 

“Yes, exactly. It’s the same way with humans too, y’know. If your parents mistreat you, you’re more likely to grow up with problems.” Hisoka explained, watching as Illumi’s deft hands lightly caressed the puppy’s head. She seemed to be enjoying all the attention she was getting, seeing as she kept leaning into Illumi’s touch and making an attempt to lick his hand whenever it came close to her muzzle. “You seem to be warming up to each other quite nicely.” 

“I’ve never had a dog before. Or any pet, really. Mike was more my father's animal than mine.” Illumi stated, looking down at the little creature in his lap with a strange sort of reverence. “She’s a lot stiller and quieter than I expected her to be.” 

“Mhm. Usually, puppies are extremely rowdy and noisy, but this one’s pretty calm.” the magician said, reaching over to ruffle the puppy’s ears affectionately. “And she’s really cute, too. Isn’t she?” 

Illumi was silent for a moment before nodding hesitantly. “Yes, I suppose so. Where did you find her?” 

“She was out on the streets all by herself. I didn’t see her at first because she’s so small, but... she came right over to me on her own. I figured she’d be helpful to you, since you’re probably getting tired of being on your own all the time.” 

“Are we keeping her? _Can_ we keep her?” was Illumi's next question, much to Hisoka's surprise. 

Hisoka barked a laugh and nodded. “Of course we can. I did bring her back for you, after all.” 

Although Illumi never really smiled, Hisoka could tell that he came close to it. His usually cold expression seemed to soften just a little bit, and his abysmal black eyes seemed less empty and intimidating. “She is a gift, then? I’ve never been given a gift before... much less anything like this...” Illumi looked down at the tiny creature in his lap, stroking her soft fur with a sort of tender gentleness Hisoka had never seen from him before. “Can I name her?” 

“If you want to.” Hisoka shrugged, grinning from ear to ear. 

“Is it okay if we call her Saki?” 

“An excellent choice. Much better than what I would’ve come up with.” 

“Saki it is.” 

Although Illumi was still tentative and hesitant, he seemed to have warmed up quite a bit to his new dog. There really was something soothing about her presence, in all honesty. Because she was so soft and so warm, it filled him with a strange sense of contentment to be near her. He also found it odd that she seemed to like him so much. The hands he used to pet her were the same ones that ended the lives of countless innocent people. And yet she still loved licking and nipping at his hands as if they were her favorite hands in the world. 

As for Hisoka, he honestly couldn’t believe his little scheme had worked. He honestly thought he’d have to get rid of the puppy somehow, he didn’t expect Illumi to adjust to it so quickly. And the way Illumi started acting once he came to terms with the fact Saki wasn’t going to harm him just further proved Hisoka’s theory that there was still something of a real personality, a real human being, beneath all the cold, impassive facades Illumi had been forced to put up. 

Hisoka spent the rest of the day with Illumi, teaching him how to take care of Saki. As time passed, the sky outside grew dark and heavy with clouds. Hisoka figured it wouldn’t be safe to go outside for the next couple days, he’d heard rumors that the storm settling over the town would last a long time and bring a lot of wind and hail. The timing was perfect. He could stay in and make sure Illumi got used to raising a puppy. 

Illumi seemed to be doing a lot better than he had when he first arrived at Heaven’s Arena. He wasn’t much of a smiler, but... it was pretty easy to tell that his spirits had been lifted now that he had something to take care of, something to call his own and protect. 

Hisoka understood that the other Zoldyck children had grown to despise their oldest brother because of how absolutely brainwashed and damaged beyond repair he was. It was Hisoka’s understanding that the Zoldyck children used to have a very close sibling relationship with each other when they were little, but Illumi’s parents had done so much to him that he was probably nothing like who he had been when he was a child. His cold, hardened façade was probably what drove his little brothers and sister away from him. They didn’t want a brainwashed puppet, they wanted their Aniki (big brother.) 

Naturally, because he’d been shunned by his siblings, Illumi was probably grateful to have something else to look after. 

Later that evening, Hisoka found Illumi sitting on the floor outside the towel closet he tended to sleep in, staring at the wall with a distant look in his abysmal black eyes. The magician had been looking for him for a couple minutes now, intending to tell him that dinner was ready. It seemed Illumi had spaced out really hard again, because he looked less human and more like a lifeless porcelain doll. 

“Is something the matter, darling?” Hisoka called out. As he expected, he didn’t receive a response. He sighed and made his way over to the assassin, crouching down and reaching over to tuck a loose strand of silky black hair behind Illumi’s ear. “Illumi. Come on, snap out of it. Illumi...” 

The young Zoldyck jumped a little and turned to give Hisoka a startled look. “What is it? Where did you come from?” 

“Is something wrong? You did that thing you did the other day just now. It took me a minute to get your attention.” Hisoka said, briefly wondering why Illumi didn’t immediately go to slap his hand away upon returning to the present. 

“Oh. My father called me a little bit ago, and... well, he’s angry.” Illumi sighed, clasping his hands neatly in his lap and looking down at the floor. “I just told him that I’m not ready to come home yet and hung up. I don’t think he’ll take that very well.” 

“You didn’t say anything that might’ve revealed your location, did you?” Hisoka suddenly felt something he had never felt before. It was a twinge of concern. Concern for Illumi’s safety. 

“No, I didn’t.” the ravenet gave a slight shake of his head, eyes tracing over the lines between the polished wooden floorboards with what appeared to be vast interest. “He has no idea where I am right now, though it probably won’t take him long to figure it out. He’s ten times more skilled than I am, especially when it comes to intelligence and observance.” 

_Did he tell you that he’s so much better than you or have you actually observed that from personal experience?_ Hisoka wondered, though he dared not ask such a thing out loud. _And why the hell am I concerned for you? Normally, I couldn’t care less what happens to you or anyone else on this god-forsaken planet. What’s changed?_

The magician decided to go the safe route and nodded his head understandingly. “Well, he doesn’t know where you are at this moment, so you’re safe for the time being. Are you up for some dinner, or are you gonna sit here all night?” he stood up in one smooth, fluid movement and reached down, offering his hand to Illumi. 

The assassin stared at it for a moment before making up his mind and taking it, allowing Hisoka to pull him to his feet.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ah yes, Saki, the adorable fluffball who will have a very heavy impact on this story. I'm really excited to have finally introduced her, she's gonna make things really interesting from here on out! And can we just talk about how Hisoka and Illumi are becoming soft for each other without even realizing? Ah, gotta love those two oblivious idiots.
> 
> I hope you're enjoying this story so far! Any comments/kudos would be much appreciated. Have a lovely day!


	6. Disobedience

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> TRIGGER WARNING for some pretty intense discussion regarding torture, loss of freedom. Hinted athazagoraphobia.

Illumi really and truly thought he was safe within Heaven’s Arena, far from his family’s clutches. After all, they had no idea where he was or how he had gotten there. All they knew was that he left for what should’ve been a three-day mission and never came back. 

He honestly thought they’d be confused. Maybe even a little angry with him, especially once they found out he was alive and hadn’t been delayed by anything other than himself. But... he was wrong. They didn’t even bother to be confused first. They were absolutely outraged. He could tell from the harsh, angry tone of voice his father had used when he called him. It was a sort of anger that the normally calm, composed Silva didn’t usually express. And it terrified Illumi. It rattled him to his core. 

Ever since that phone call, he’d been extremely timid, and more wary of his surroundings than usual. He knew that, because he’d blatantly refused to return home when asked, his family would come looking for him. There wasn’t a single doubt in his mind that they’d find him. They’d probably lock him up, whip and beat him for days straight. And then they’d leave him there for a few extra days alone and bleeding, just to make sure he’d learned his lesson. Hell, there was a chance they’d exact a cruel punishment upon him and then leave him to rot. Because of his disobedience, he knew his freedom was at risk. 

It had been two days since Hisoka had brought Saki home. It had been violently storming ever since. The sky seemed to be filled to the brim with roiling black clouds that spanned from horizon to horizon, bringing endless waves of strong winds and torrential rains along with them. Illumi didn’t mind the general cacophony of the storm raging outside, but... the bright white flashes outside the windows from the lightning tended to startle him because they reminded him of the way his mother’s expensive jewelry would flash wherever the light refracted off it. 

Hisoka had been home ever since the storm began. Because the weather was so dangerous, all the matches in the arena had been rescheduled for next week. He had nothing to do except build card houses on the coffee table, watch Illumi pace back and forth across the living room, and listen to the sounds of rain hammering away at the windows. 

The assassin had seemed distressed for the majority of the day. His facial expression and tone of voice gave no indication of any sort of emotion, but his body language betrayed how anxious he was. Between the pacing and the nervous fidgeting, it was extremely obvious he was fretting about something. Hisoka was extremely curious regarding the matter because it took a lot to rattle the terrifying Illumi Zoldyck. 

_What could be bothering him? He’s practically indestructible because he fears neither pain nor death. He has no reason to be worried about anything, really. So, the fact he’s exhibiting signs of stress means something’s really wrong._ Hisoka thought to himself, as he added another card onto the pyramid he was building. He tilted his head to one side, amber eyes scanning over the pyramid, making sure it was perfectly level. Satisfied that it was, he glanced upward at Illumi, who was still walking back and forth between the bookshelf near the door and the full-length window along the opposite wall. 

His waist-length black hair would occasionally brush against the translucent white curtains covering the window each time he turned around sharply and made his way back to the bookshelf, silky strands contrasting beautifully against the fabric and producing a soft, barely audible whispering sound. 

Hisoka’s lips twitched upward in something of a smile as he watched Illumi’s fluid, graceful movements, completely entranced by the sight. There was something about the assassin’s repetitive, elegant motions that was strangely hypnotic. Hisoka had a very hard time prying his gaze off the ravenet so he could focus on his cards. 

“You’ve been pacing for an awful long time, darling. Aren’t you getting tired?” Hisoka asked, his tone soft and amused. 

“No.” was Illumi’s blunt response. “I’m not tired, though I appreciate your... eh... concern.” 

Hisoka snickered and added another card to his pyramid, clicking his tongue disapprovingly. “Bold of you to assume I’m concerned. I must admit I am intrigued, though. What on earth’s got you all riled up like this? You’re usually so still and quiet you could be mistaken for a life-sized porcelain doll.” 

“I’m fine. It’s nothing.” Illumi said, tersely. He paused for a moment to give Hisoka an inquisitive stare. “You really think I look like a doll, of all things?” 

“It was more of an expression than anything else, but I suppose you could actually be mistaken for one. Your skin is pale and perfectly smooth, like painted glass.” Hisoka hummed, finishing off the third row of his pyramid and adding two cards to the top to form a fourth. “Say nothing about those pretty eyes of yours. You’re much too beautiful to be human, you know.” 

Illumi scoffed. “I assure you I’m not a doll or anything of the sort. You’re demented.” 

“I’ve been called worse.” the redheaded magician shrugged, only to grin from ear to ear as a certain Saki bounded into the room on her short, stocky little legs. “Oh, look who finally woke up from her nap!” 

The little ball of fluff didn’t hesitate to trot right over to Illumi, prodding the back of his leg with her nose. He jumped a little and turned to look down at her, abysmal black eyes meeting icy blue ones. She stood up on her hind legs and pawed at his leg impatiently with her two front paws that were much too big for her body, yapping at him in greeting. 

“You’re weird. What is it with you and constantly vying for my attention, hmm?” Illumi wondered, as he bent down and scooped the wriggling puppy up. She immediately lunged at him, twisting around in his grasp and making an almost frantic attempt to lick his face. He anticipated this and leaned back a bit, staying well out of her reach. “Good morning. I’m happy to see you, too.” 

Hisoka chuckled. “She can’t understand you, Illu-chan. You know that, right?” 

“You don’t know that; you’ve never been a dog before.” was Illumi’s monotonous response. “Besides, I like talking to her. She listens. And she doesn’t laugh at me like you do. So, in short, I like the dog more than I like you.” 

“I didn’t peg you as the type to favor an animal over a human. Interesting.” 

“Only because the animal’s a hell of a lot more pleasant to be around than the human.” 

“But, at the same time, you did say that you like Saki more than you like me, which implies that you do like me at least a little bit. How sweet.” Hisoka purred, waving a hand teasingly in Illumi’s general direction as he focused on making his pyramid taller. 

He felt rather than saw the absolutely hateful glare Illumi shot his way immediately following his statement. “Don’t read between the lines, Hisoka. I don’t hate you, but at the same time, I’d be perfectly content if you got run over by a cement mixer right about now.” 

Hisoka was opening his mouth to respond with another tacky and remarkably flirtatious comment when he realized that Illumi had lost interest entirely and wandered into the kitchen with Saki in his arms. She had stopped squirming around like a fish out of water and had plunked her head down on his shoulder with an adorable doggy grin spread across her face. It was obvious the two had bonded really well. On one hand, Illumi had already developed a habit of carrying her around everywhere he went like he would a small child. On the other, when she wasn’t in his arms, Saki was always following him around and trying to get his attention. 

Hisoka knew he had made a good decision by bringing Saki home a few days ago. Her presence meant Illumi had a chance to form a positive bond with something, something he could take care of like he did his younger siblings when they were toddlers. 

“You two seem to really love each other, don’t you?” Hisoka called out, as Illumi fished a bowl out of one of the higher cabinets set into the wall and set about filling it up with some dog food. 

“Love?” Illumi’s head shot up and he turned around to give the magician a confused stare. His gaze softened a bit when Saki nosed at his cheek and licked his nose, taking advantage of his current distraction. “Yes, I suppose that’s the case. She is my responsibility, after all.” 

“Oh, come on, Lu-chan. She’s special to you, admit it. You’re already treating her like you would your own child, and it’s only been a matter of days since I brought her home.” 

“She was a gift, yes? It would be extremely rude of me to disregard and neglect a gift such as this.” 

Hisoka rolled his eyes with a knowing smile. “Sure, Illumi. Sure.” 

The ravenet decided to ignore him and finished up what he was doing. He knelt down and placed the bowl on the floor, setting Saki down along with it so she could eat. She scampered over to the bowl the moment her paws touched the ground and began wolfing the food down like it was the only meal she’d ever been granted in her entire life. Illumi remained crouched on the floor, lightly stroking the length of Saki’s back with that same blank, unreadable expression on his face. There was a strange sort of glimmer in his black eyes that wasn’t there before, though. 

Hisoka took to watching the odd duo with obvious interest. Something about Illumi was so unexplainably beautiful in that moment. Maybe it was the way his shining hair black as a raven’s wing cascaded down his back and over his shoulders, like a waterfall in the dead of night. Maybe it was the way his locks framed his well-defined face, from his high cheekbones and slanted, snake-like eyes to his small, straight-edged nose and plump, full lips. 

Hisoka would be lying if he said he didn’t want to know what those rosy, soft-looking lips would feel like on his. He had no idea why, though. Usually, his mind went to his own personal pleasure and gain, he didn’t give a damn about anyone other than himself. But there was some part of him deep down that wanted to shelter Illumi, protect him, teach him how to be human. 

Saki suddenly let out a high-pitched, almost sassy bark that immediately jolted Hisoka out of the sort of dazed stupor he had entered whilst watching Illumi. 

“You can’t be serious. I’m not giving you more food until this evening. If you eat too much, you’re gonna become a chubby puppy.” Illumi scolded, lightly patting Saki’s head affectionately as she nosed at his other hand, searching for hidden treats. The little snuffling sounds she made were absolutely adorable. “Greedy dog. Very, very greedy.” 

Hisoka smiled and leaned forward ever so slightly. The motion caused his card pyramid to come tumbling down in a heap atop the glass coffee table. He let out a soft sigh of frustration. He’d completely forgotten about his pyramid, so now he’d have to start all over again. 

All of a sudden, there was a bright flash of lightning outside the window that caused Illumi to jolt and sit bolt upright, almost as if he’d been electrocuted by the lightning somehow. A second later, there was a clap of thunder so loud it shook the building. 

_He doesn’t seem to like lightning. How odd._ Hisoka thought, regarding the assassin with newfound intrigue. 

“You alright, Lu-chan? It’s only the storm outside, nothing to be worried about.” he called out, voice tinged with amusement. He found it interesting that there were certain very trivial things that genuinely bothered or scared Illumi, like puppies or lightning. 

“Yes, I know.” Illumi bristled slightly, picking up on the tone of Hisoka’s voice. “I just can’t help but think about my mother when I see bright flashes like that. She always loved wearing really expensive, flashy jewelry that reflected light so well it was almost blinding at times.” 

“Huh.” Hisoka nodded his understanding, expression softening slightly. “I wasn’t trying to mock you or anything, darling. It’s a perfectly rational thing to be startled by lightning. Bright, flashing lights are upsetting to some.” _Since when do I care about things like this? Have I gone mad? Really, I shouldn’t care at all that he seemed a little ticked off by what I said._

Illumi considered this for a moment before saying, “I’d be fine with it if it weren’t for the fact it makes me think my mother’s entering the room.” 

“I’ve seen Kikyo before. She does seem like a nasty, bitter woman.” the magician shrugged, hunching over and gathering all his cards up into a messy pile on the table. “And the fact she was somehow okay with marrying your unfeeling brute of a father just makes me wonder if she’s as narcissistic as he is.” 

“It was an arranged marriage. As assassins and members of the Zoldyck family, we aren’t allowed to choose who we take as a partner. Our parents want to be the ones to decide who gets married to their children. I guess my grandparents really liked my mother, because they deemed her a perfect match for my father.” Illumi explained, giving Saki a couple more pats on the head before standing up. 

There came a low rumble of thunder in the distance, not nearly as loud as the first. Hisoka waited for the last echo of the sound to fade away before continuing the conversation. “I can’t imagine being forced into something like that. You must be absolutely miserable, knowing that any day now your parents can grab some random woman you’ve never met before and expect you to marry her, start a family with her.” 

“Fortunately for me, my parents don’t exactly acknowledge my existence most of the time. I highly doubt they’re worried about finding me a partner.” Illumi replied, eyeing the window cautiously, as if trying to predict what trajectory the storm outside would take next. “But you’re right. It isn’t all that nice knowing I have absolutely no choice in the matter.” 

“Hmm. How pitiful.” Hisoka considered this for a moment before lightly patting the empty seat on the couch on his right side, eyes lighting up as an idea came to him. “Why don’t you come over here and let me teach you something?” 

The ravenet gave Hisoka a very suspicious stare. “What exactly is it you want to teach me?” 

“Have you ever built a card pyramid before? You know, where you stack a bunch of playing cards like mine into little triangles and form a structure out of them?” the magician asked, his musical voice and facial expression clearly indicating how pleased he was with himself for having thought up such a thing. 

“I’ve never built one myself, but I have watched you build them before. Is there any way learning something like that would benefit me?” 

“Not in the way you’re thinking. Your definition of benefitting is basically my passing along a skill that will help you either impress your parents or prepare for future missions, correct?” Hisoka paused for a moment, waiting for Illumi’s hesitant nod of confirmation, before continuing, “What I’m thinking is more of a personal or emotional benefit. There’s a legitimate reason I spend my free time building these things, childish and pointless though they may seem.” 

“I don’t know about that. You do a lot of things that can be considered childish and pointless. What makes this different from everything else?” Illumi raised one eyebrow and Hisoka scoffed. 

“Why don’t you come on over here and find out for yourself instead of being a brat about it? I’m not luring you over here so I can wring your neck or anything like that. You can trust me.” 

“Trust is a gift, not a given right.” Illumi declared. He still made his way over to the couch and plopped down beside Hisoka regardless, so in the end, he was just saying that for the sake of getting the last word in. 

Hisoka gathered his cards up and straightened them out into a neat pile. “You know, I actually started making card pyramids for reasons other than boredom.” 

“Oh?” Illumi cocked his head like a bird, eyes riveted on the deck of cards sitting atop the coffee table, studying them closely. 

“Yep. Not only does it help improve things like hand-eye coordination and focus, but it can also represent something else entirely.” Hisoka began forming little triangles out of his cards, making sure the bottom edge of each card was touching. “Each card represents accomplishments. Things you’ve worked hard to achieve. Every success, every new skill can be built upward to one specific goal. It doesn’t matter how impossible the goal may seem at first.” 

Illumi blinked a couple times, processing this new information. “What exactly do you consider a goal?” 

“Well, for me, it would be my strength and Nen prowess. I want to be better than everyone else, which means the achievements I want to build up toward that goal would be things like defeating those as strong or stronger than me.” Hisoka explained, finishing off the bottom row of the pyramid and passing the deck to Illumi. “For you, it might be something along the lines of becoming the world’s most deadly assassin. Or impressing your parents.” 

“Obtaining my parents’ pride is more important to me than my profession.” Illumi said, bluntly. He fidgeted with the cards for a moment, playing around with them and trying to determine the best way to stack them on top of the row Hisoka had already created. 

“I thought you might say that. Now, the thing about card pyramids is you can’t make them too big. Although they are fairly stable structures, they are still made of flimsy material. If you make them too large, they will collapse under their own weight. The same could be said about the metaphorical representation of these cards, too. If your goal keeps getting pushed up higher, eventually the weight of all the things you've done will catch up to you. You'll wear yourself out, crumble, or just die altogether pushing yourself to meet an unrealistic goal." the magician continued, watching with interest as Illumi slowly but surely began stacking cards on top of the first row. 

Naturally, Illumi was good at it despite having no former experience with such things. He was just so coordinated, and he was exceptional at laser-focusing on certain tasks he was expected to complete with precision. He couldn’t work as fast as Hisoka could, though. Seeing as it was his first time building a card pyramid, he felt the need to go slowly so he wouldn’t goof it up and knock the whole structure down. 

“I think what you’re trying to say is that it’s foolish to run towards what might very well be an unobtainable goal." Illumi stated, eyes riveted on the card triangles he was meticulously stacking upon the row Hisoka had already created. His hands shook slightly as yet another flash of lightning went off outside the window, casting a bright white light within the room for a split second. 

“Exactly. That’s what I’ve been trying to warn you about with your parents, darling. Just when you think you’ve met their expectations, they raise them. You’ve already done so much just for the sake of impressing them that you’ve already built up pretty much every personal achievement humanely possible when it comes to assassination. If you continue on like this, it won’t be long now before... you break.” Hisoka reached out and lightly grasped Illumi’s wrist to get his attention. He was surprised when the assassin didn’t immediately yank his hand away, but instead slowly turned to face him. 

“You really think so?” Illumi looked so very confused in that moment that he seemed more like an innocent child than a cold bringer of death. 

“Yeah, I do. And... surprisingly... I don’t want to see that happen. You need to find a way to escape your parents, Illumi, before they completely destroy you.” Hisoka took the deck of cards from the ravenet and set them down on the glass coffee table so he could cup both of Illumi’s hands between his own. 

Illumi stiffened, completely freezing up. He was stunned into silence because rather than feeling repulsed, he just felt... self-conscious. He was suddenly hyperaware of the callouses between his fingers from years and years of practicing with his needles, and of the long, narrow scar with a raised edge several shades paler than his natural complexion slashed across the soft flesh of his forearm. 

Nobody should ever want to touch his hands because they were stained with the blood of thousands. 

But... maybe it was okay because Hisoka’s hands were stained, too. 

Hisoka could feel lean, corded muscles twitching in Illumi’s hands, which were pleasantly cool to the touch. They were small and so very delicate, especially when compared to Hisoka’s. He was known for having larger hands, but he didn’t really notice until Illumi came along. 

“I’m not trying to tell you how to live your life. You don’t have to listen to me. You can do whatever the hell you want. All I’m saying is that you’ll lose what little bit of yourself you still possess, and you might even wind up killing yourself just trying to be better than what you already are.” Hisoka said, after the silence had become so prominent it was suffocating. 

“I know.” Illumi said, though his voice sounded slightly strained and the room seemed to shake slightly immediately after he spoke. “I’ve known for a long, long time. But... I don’t want to risk...” he began stammering a bit, suddenly at a loss for words.

“Disappointing them?” Hisoka asked, trying to help the assassin out a little bit. 

“They never pay any attention to me as it is. If I were to do something that actually got their attention in a bad way, they’d... probably lock me up and... never let me out again.” 

Hisoka felt a slight pang in his chest he didn’t understand. He had always hated the idea of his own freedom being snatched away from him because it was the one thing he considered cruel and unjust. But for Illumi, it was a legitimate possibility, especially now that he’d stayed away from home far longer than he was supposed to. 

“Did they tell you they’d do that to you?” Hisoka asked, his voice softer and gentler than Illumi ever remembered it being. 

The ravenet swallowed thickly and nodded. “I could handle the pain of being shackled to a wall and starved to death. I could handle the cold, the dark. But I can’t stand the thought of rotting away down there, alone and completely forgotten. My parents will ensure nobody remembers me. They’d erase all traces of my existence. And I’ll be... a lump of cold, dead flesh hanging in the dark, waiting to be found.” 

Hisoka noticed the way Illumi’s half-lidded gaze began turning toward the floor, and released one of his hands to lightly touch his cheek, getting his attention. “Illumi, look at me. I’m not gonna let that happen to you, okay?” 

“Impossible.” Illumi gritted his teeth and pushed Hisoka’s hand away from his face. “My parents will stop at nothing until they have their way. I just know it.” 

“They couldn’t make me forget you even if they tried. I’ve told you before that you’re so very fascinating to me. I won’t allow someone as beautifully, mysteriously unique as you to go to waste like that.” Hisoka shook his head, lightly squeezing the one porcelain-pale hand he was still holding on to. “That’s a fate even I deem cruel and disgusting. You don’t deserve to be chained up and abandoned.” 

“Yes, I do. But that doesn’t mean I want it.” 

“Then I’ll make sure it doesn’t happen. If this isn’t a good reason to stay here, I don’t know what is.” 

“My parents are gonna come looking for me. And when they find me, I’ll have no choice but to go with them.” 

“Let them come. I’ve got a few tricks up my own sleeve that might help me deal with them. They’re strong, anyway. Fighting them would be so much fun.” 

Picking up on the lustful edge creeping into Hisoka’s musical voice, Illumi slowly but surely went to pull his hand out of the magician’s grasp. That was the first time the young assassin had ever let anyone touch him for so long without eliciting a negative reaction from him. He hated being touched because he’d learned that nothing but pain and discomfort came from physical contact with another human being. So why was Hisoka an exception to that? 

_Out of all the people in this world outside my own family, Hisoka’s the one I should expect to hurt me the most. He’s certainly had plenty of opportunities to do so. Why hasn’t he?_ Illumi wondered, his eyes never leaving Hisoka’s glittering amber ones. 

“You don’t want to try and fight my family. Trust me. They’ll kill you.” Illumi warned, clasping his hands in his lap, the corner of his mouth twitching ever so slightly. 

“Perhaps. But that’s only if they all attack at once. If it’s just one or two at a time, I could handle that with ease.” Hisoka hummed, tilting his head to one side and closely studying Illumi’s porcelain-pale face. “Maybe even three. I’m strong enough to deal with a handful of assassins.” 

“That depends on who comes out. My father and my grandfather would present quite the challenge, even for you.” 

“Sounds like fun.” 

“You’re delusional.” 

“And you’re a brat.” 

Illumi rolled his eyes, running his hands through his long, perfectly straight black hair. “Is there a real reason why you feel the need to do such stupid things? You’re gonna wind up getting yourself killed one of these days, whether it be by a Zoldyck’s hand or somebody else’s.” 

“That’s what makes life so exciting, Lu-chan. This world would be a pretty boring place if we all lived forever.” Hisoka replied, studying his dangerously sharp fingernails with fake modesty. “You may not understand the appeal, but that’s because you haven’t really had a chance to experience life for yourself.” 

Illumi decided it would be best to remain silent after that, allowing the conversation to die out on its own. He was surprised to find that he almost missed the unfamiliar warmth of Hisoka’s hands over his. It was confusing, and he didn’t know what to make of it. That, and he’d allowed this magician who shouldn’t be anything more than a mutually beneficial business partner to get close enough to touch him like that. Illumi decided that he had to be the most defective Zoldyck in history. He really wasn’t allowed to be doing any of these things, and... if his parents found out, there would be hell to pay. 

The young assassin couldn’t help but grimace at the thought. The last thing he wanted was to leave Heaven’s Arena. There was so much he had seen and learned that he was convinced the Zoldycks’ method of bringing up their children in such an isolated environment was actually counterproductive. He had learned more from spending three weeks with Hisoka than he would if he spent six months allowing his family to educate him and build up his immunity to various tortures. 

_Maybe I shouldn’t go back to them. Maybe I should just stay here._

Illumi realized that Hisoka was still looking at him, and softly asked, “What is it? Is something wrong?” 

“No. I just like looking at you. You’re pretty.” was Hisoka’s even response. 

Illumi’s heart skipped a beat as he realized how little distance there was between him and the magician. When had Hisoka gotten so close? 

Illumi blinked a couple times, trying to formulate a half-decent response. But he didn’t know what to say. He was completely speechless. A couple seconds passed, and all he managed to get out was, “I... what?” 

All of a sudden, Hisoka’s sharp amber gaze snapped down to Illumi’s lips. The assassin immediately stiffened. He hadn’t ever been with anyone romantically before, nor had he even thought about it, but he still understood exactly why Hisoka was looking at him like that. 

_Oh._

“Illumi...” Hisoka suddenly leaned forward, closing the gap between them and moving to cup Illumi’s face between both hands. 

Illumi completely froze up and time seemed to stop. For a moment, just a moment, he didn’t want to pull away. He could feel Hisoka’s warm breath on his cheek. The magician hesitated for a second before pressing even closer, tilting his head to one side and closing his eyes. Their lips were dangerously close to touching when all of a sudden... 

...Saki jumped up on the coffee table and attacked the unfinished card pyramid the two on the couch had been working on. She let out a high-pitched, triumphant bark as the cards came tumbling down around her, biting one out of the air and shaking it back and forth with an almost adorable ferocity. Seizing the opportunity, Illumi swatted Hisoka’s hands away and quickly scooted back, putting a safe amount of distance between them so he could get up. 

“Saki!” he exclaimed, scoldingly. “What on earth are you doing?” 

The little bundle of fur yapped at him as he scooped her up and took the card out of her mouth, placing it down on the coffee table with the others. Saki squirmed around impatiently in his arms, obviously wanting to be put down so she could play with the cards. He just shook his head and smoothed down the fluffy, chocolate-brown fur on the top of her head. 

“I ought to put you in another room. An empty one so you can’t destroy anything. Silly dog.” Illumi declared, turning and walking away for the sake of finding a place to put Saki. 

Hisoka sighed, feeling slightly disappointed with the sudden turn of events. “I almost had it that time. Damn you, dog.” he muttered, entirely to himself. 

In the next room over, Illumi was sitting on the floor, watching Saki’s feeble attempts to try and wrestle with him like puppies tend to do at that age. Each time she would charge at him, he’d just lightly bat her aside with one hand. Eventually, she got impatient and sprung into his lap, nipping at his fingers, trying to bait him into playing with her. 

He absentmindedly stroked her soft fur, ignoring her playful biting. He was kind of in shock, he didn’t know what to make of what had almost happened a few moments ago. He kept replaying the scene over and over in his mind, trying to determine where he had gone wrong. When Hisoka got close to him, Illumi had just completely frozen up, his mind going blank. He had an opportunity to push the other male away, but... he didn’t take it and he wasn’t sure why. If Saki hadn’t decided to assault what used to be a card pyramid on top of the coffee table, something would’ve happened between Hisoka and Illumi. Something that would completely change what used to be the harmless business relationship they had. 

If what Hisoka intended to do had come to pass, Illumi wasn’t all that certain either one of them would regret it. And that bothered him. He wanted to push Hisoka away, wanted to completely reject it all, wanted to find a reason to hate everything that had almost happened mere moments ago. But instead, he was upset because he couldn’t find it within him to feel any of those things. 

_Hisoka was going to kiss me, and I... I wasn't going to stop him._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Saki's out here ruining things for Hisoka, I almost feel bad for the poor chap. All he wanted was a kiss. Anyway, the next chapters following this one will be a lot more intense and graphic, I'm gonna have to add some triggers to the tags because of this lol. I apologize for the somewhat slow progression of the story, I just wanted to build up something of a positive relationship between Hisoka and Illumi before plunging them into angst because the plot wouldn't make sense if they were still "mutually beneficial business partners". I hope you still find this story worth reading despite the slow progression. It's gonna get a lot more exciting from here, I promise. 
> 
> Any comments/kudos would be appreciated! Y'all take care of yourselves and have a lovely day!


	7. The Broken Mirror

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> TRIGGER WARNING for internal panic attack, highly suggestive threats, graphic description of severe injuries, blood.

As of late, Illumi had felt confident enough to go out in the city on his own. He’d been studying the complex layout from the roof of Heaven’s Arena, memorizing all the weird intersections, twists and turns that made up the city streets. Now, he felt as though he could navigate it semi-decently, and thanks to his needle perched on the coffee table on Hisoka’s floor, he knew without a doubt he’d at least be able to find his way back without any trouble. 

The first time Illumi attempted walking around the shoddy, run-down city by himself, he was surprised to find it was a lot more difficult than it looked. Because the buildings were built so close together and the cobblestone streets were alarmingly narrow, he had a difficult time pinpointing exactly where he was. It was a little unsettling, and he worried about getting himself lost, but he eventually reasoned that this would be a good sort of training exercise to challenge his sense of direction and his ability to pick apart the patterns that made up structures and cities for the sake of understanding how to navigate them. 

At first glance, the city appeared to be designed completely at random, as if the people who had built it had absolutely no plan whatsoever and were allowed to do whatever they wanted. But Illumi knew better than that. There had to be some sort of pattern to the unpredictable bends and intersections in the streets. After roaming around near Heaven’s Arena for several minutes, avoiding contact with as many people as possible, he figured it out. 

The streets themselves had obviously been designed specifically to frustrate people and get them so lost they’d never find their destination... or their way out of the city. As such, Illumi noticed that every intersection led off to no more than three streets at a time. One of those streets would always loop around, leading whoever took it in a big circle, only to deposit them right back where they started. And another of those streets would be composed entirely of sharp twists and turns. The third would usually always be almost perfectly straight and lead to more intersections. 

Using this information, Illumi found it a lot easier to avoid walking in circles or getting completely lost. He spent most of the morning just roaming around, taking note of everyone he saw just in case he needed to disguise himself as a citizen of this town. 

They were all shoddily dressed and unkempt, garbed in nothing but patchy, well-worn rags. They all looked to be in extremely bad shape, with grungy hair and eyes glazed over. They kept eyeing Illumi warily as he passed, as if he were some kind of anomaly. 

Maybe it was the expensive metal his needles were made of protruding from various locations on his maroon vest. Maybe it was the silk, long-sleeved lavender top he was clad in beneath the vest. He was definitely dressed way better than everyone around him, so naturally, he stood out. That, and everyone around him had either tan or dark skin tones. He was about as pale as an unused sheet of paper. 

He didn’t like that so many people were paying attention to him, but he certainly wasn’t about to try and blend in. He wasn’t interested in trying to make himself look as utterly unappealing as possible just for the sake of keeping people from noticing him. 

Illumi was considering heading back to Heaven’s Arena when his phone – which was tucked away in the front pocket of his pants – began to vibrate. He grimaced. Who on earth could be calling him at this time? He didn’t have any clients at the moment, and his father had never called him multiple times in the span of a few days before. Silva wasn’t the type of parent to constantly nag his children, even when he was angry with them. 

Illumi pulled his phone from his pocket and did a double-take when he recognized the caller ID. He accepted the call and put his phone to his ear. 

“Kalluto? My goodness, it’s been an awful long time since you’ve last called.” 

“Sorry, Aniki, I’ve just been busy with my training lately. Mother never leaves me alone nowadays; I never have any time to myself.” Kalluto’s small, high-pitched voice was so painfully familiar that Illumi found himself missing his little siblings. “I would’ve called sooner, or at least tried to talk to you last time you were home, but... like I said, Mother just doesn’t let me be.” 

“That sounds like her. When I come home, I’ll see if I can convince her to let me take you out and teach you archery. I know you’ve mentioned that’s something you’re interested in.” Illumi offered, keeping his eyes riveted on the crooked street in front of him, sidestepping around a couple young men that came staggering out of a nearby bar. 

“That’s, um... that’s actually kind of what I wanted to talk with you about. You can’t come home yet. Or any time soon, for that matter.” Kalluto said, voice adopting a slightly anxious tone. He was still extremely young, so he hadn’t been broken down by his assassin training to the point he had absolutely no emotion left within him. It’d be a few years before he reached that point. 

“Why’s that?” Illumi asked. “Has Father changed his mind about whether or not I should’ve come back a couple weeks ago?” 

“I wish that were the case, but no. I’ve never seen him quite so angry before, not since Killua ran away.” Kalluto replied. There came the soft sounds of rustling on the other end; probably caused by the young boy shifting around and making himself more comfortable. “I overheard him talking with Grandfather this morning, and... well... you absolutely cannot come home yet. I don’t think they’ll ever let you out again, because now Father thinks you’re completely defective, or something like that.” 

Illumi couldn’t help but wince. Not only was he absolutely terrified of what might happen if he were found and brought back to the Zoldyck mansion, but it honestly hurt him knowing that his father, the one he strived to make proud, had such a low opinion of him now. 

“Oh. That’s... That’s certainly interesting.” Illumi stated, after a long pause. He didn’t like the way his usually monotonous voice wavered ever so slightly as he spoke, betraying his fear. 

“Good grief, don’t do that. This is serious, Aniki. You’ve gotta be at least a little bit concerned about your own wellbeing, right?” a hint of irritation crept into Kalluto’s voice. 

Although he didn’t despise his oldest brother like the other Zoldyck children did, Kalluto did get annoyed by Illumi’s ever-present impassiveness and inability to express anything other than cold indifference. It was something that bothered everyone except Silva and Kikyo themselves, since that’s how they wanted Illumi to be. If he was cold and socially inept, he had a very minimal chance of actually forming positive bonds with other human beings because nobody really liked how blunt and emotionless he was. 

“I am, but I don’t think it’s possible to avoid returning home, especially not if Father’s gonna come looking for me. How did he figure out my location?” Illumi asked, deciding to change the subject and shift Kalluto’s attention off of him. 

“He had Milluki trace the call he gave you the other day.” was Kalluto’s terse response. Illumi could tell that his little brother was rolling his eyes. 

“Milluki’s troublesome and selfish. I must say I’m not really surprised.” 

“Nothing ever surprises you, Aniki.” 

“Fair enough.” 

“But I was being serious when I said you can’t come home. You need to do any and everything in your power to stay away, even if it means running and hiding. Father’s really angry, and we both know that he isn’t very forgiving at all.” Kalluto said, after a short moment of silence passed. 

“Alright. I’ll do my best. If possible, give Milluki a stern talking-to in my stead.” Illumi replied, briefly stopping and stepping aside so an elderly woman hobbling down the street on a wooden cane could get past him. “As for Father, when is he gonna come for me?” 

“He left two or three hours ago.” was Kalluto’s terse response. 

Illumi’s heart plummeted into his stomach and he almost dropped his phone. “Oh.” 

“Yeah. It’s bad. Find a place to hide and wait things out. I’ll do my best to convince Father not to completely lock you up for good.” Kalluto hung up before Illumi could say anything else. 

Illumi stood there for a moment, bang splat in the middle of the street, trying to process everything he’d just heard. He now understood what his assassination targets felt when they knew they were being hunted and there was nothing they could do except prolong the inevitable by running as far and as fast as they possibly could. 

He felt a chill slither down his spine like a serpent made entirely of ice. It caused his entire body to tremble ever so slightly, completely imperceptible to the people around him. All of a sudden, that same dreadful feeling of absolute terror exploded in his chest, gripping his heart with unforgiving icy talons and causing his stomach to tie itself into anxious knots. Illumi was scared. Absolutely scared out of his mind. He realized that Kalluto’s suggestion of hiding himself wasn’t a bad idea at all. 

Pivoting sharply on the ball of his right foot, Illumi spun around and started making his way back toward Heaven’s Arena, which appeared as a tall, silvery-white building whose top vanished into the gloomy, dark clouds hanging over the entire city. Although he usually moved in a fluid, elegant manner like running water or dancing flames, his movements now were frantic and jerky, like that of a small bird’s. He just wanted to get out of the open. No, he felt like he needed to get out of the open right now or else he’d be chained up and caged like an animal. 

For a brief moment, as he pushed his way past several confused and obviously frightened onlookers, he suffered the delusion that he was being followed. He could feel eyes that weren’t actually there burning into him, through him, anticipating his every move with the intent of hunting him down and making him pay for what he’d done. He knew it was too late, far too late to turn around and repent. He had no choice but to hide. 

_I wish I had just been a good son and gone home while I still had the chance._

_Father hates me._

_I’ll never be welcome there again._

_What will happen to Kalluto while I’m away? Who’s going to train him and ensure he rises to meet Father’s expectations?_

_They’re going to replace me._

_What made me think I was safe with Hisoka? He probably just wants to see me suffer._

_He doesn’t care about me._

_I never should’ve let my guard down._

_What was I thinking?_

_What’s wrong with me?_

Illumi’s thoughts had begun playing in a seemingly endless downward spiral, succeeding in dragging him further into the depths of fear that had completely encompassed his entire being. He was aware that he was still shaking, but he didn’t care enough to try and stop it. 

Even though his thoughts were telling him that he shouldn’t trust Hisoka, Illumi wanted nothing more than to be near Hisoka in that moment, and the feeling was suffocating him. He just wanted to feel safe, and safe meant he was near someone he... trusted. 

_Oh my god, I’m a disgrace. I should not trust Hisoka._

_Why do I keep feeling these things even though I don’t want to? Why does my mind keep making these decisions for me? What happened to all the control I once possessed over these things?_

_Stop thinking. Stop feeling. Just stop._

Trying his absolute best to block out his mind’s attempts to continue screwing with him, he looked up and found himself standing at the entrance to Heaven’s Arena. Despite the whole chaotic mess he’d been going through, battling endlessly with his own mind, he had somehow managed to find his way back to the skyscraper without getting lost in the winding, twisting streets of the nameless city. It seemed his uncanny sense of direction was still intact, regardless of the terror running rampant in his body, sending tremors through his limbs and making him feel alarmingly dizzy, as if the world were spinning around him faster than he could follow. 

He realized his heart was racing as if it were trying to leap out of his chest. He must’ve run the entire way back, which explained how he got there so fast in such a frantic state. 

Trying to regulate his uneven, shaky breathing, Illumi made his way upstairs to Hisoka’s floor. He was completely unable of moving slowly at this point. He was so very afraid of eventually being found that he just wanted to run until he found someplace safe to hide. 

Once he located the right door several flights of stairs later, he burst in without a second thought. Hisoka had left it unlocked for him, because originally the magician had thought Illumi was just going for a short walk. A short walk had turned into a lengthy march around the city, but Hisoka decided he didn’t want to lock his friend out. Illumi didn’t have a spare key on him or anything like that, and Hisoka knew the young assassin wasn’t above scaling the impossibly tall skyscraper and climbing through an open window in the odd event that he had been locked out. 

Hisoka heard the door fly open so hard and fast that it swung back on its hinges and slammed into the wall. He’d been in the middle of trying to stack cards on top of Saki’s soft, fluffy head because he was bored and had nothing better to do with his life, but now, he craned his neck to see what all the commotion was about. 

He was surprised to see a certain raven-haired Zoldyck standing in the doorway, eyes blown wide with a sort of frenzied panic, knees shaking almost violently as if they were about to give out at any second. 

“Illu-chan? What’s wrong? You left seeming perfectly content this morning, but now you look like you just saw a dead man rise out of the ground and attack someone.” Hisoka tilted his head to one side, hooking one arm around Saki’s tiny form to keep her from moving. She yapped at him as if in agreement, twisting to look at Illumi with curious blue eyes. 

“Kalluto just called me while I was out, and...” Illumi paused for a second, noticing the cards stacked on Saki’s head for the first time. “...what on earth are you doing to my dog?” 

“Just goofing around with her because I’m bored. She kept trying to eat my cards earlier, so I figured I’d teach her a bit of a lesson about sitting still and not touching things that don’t belong to her.” Hisoka replied, grinning from ear to ear and patting the tiny dog’s back affectionately. 

“She’s not your personal table. Please find a better place to stack your cards.” 

“Why don’t you come all the way inside, darling? We don’t bite. Actually, on second thought, Saki does, but she has tiny baby teeth so she’s not something to worry about.” 

Illumi grimaced and slowly but surely crept into the room, closing and locking the door behind him without even glancing over his shoulder. His abysmal black eyes scanned over everything before him warily. It wasn’t like all the other times he’d been observant and on guard. He seemed apprehensive, as if he were expecting something terrible to happen. And he still wouldn’t take a single step further into the room. 

“As I was trying to say a moment ago, Kalluto called me while I was walking around. He said that... well... my Father’s after me. He’s looking for me as we speak, and I know he’s going to find me. There’s no hiding from him.” Illumi said, staying right where he was and wringing his hands anxiously. “So, I ran all the way back here. I don’t think I should go outside alone anymore.” 

Hisoka took note of the strange way the assassin was behaving. It was concerning, to say the least. Hisoka had never seen Illumi so distressed before. “You ran all the way here? And up all those stairs? Oh, goodness, lllu-chan, you must be tired. Come over here and sit down.” the redheaded magician loosely gestured to the white couch against the far wall, removing his cards from Saki’s head. She tried to nip at each card as it passed close to her muzzle, but he was careful in keeping them just out of her reach. 

Illumi stood there for a moment before shaking his head slightly. “I’m fine, thank you. I think I’m just gonna go take a nap or something.” 

Naturally, that was a lie. He just wanted an excuse to go hide in the towel closet. He was pretty sure he’d feel a lot safer in an enclosed, dark space rather than in the middle of a large room. Even though Hisoka’s presence was comforting in a way the young assassin couldn’t even begin to describe, he didn’t want to admit to that so he decided hiding himself was the easiest solution to the problem. 

Hisoka saw right through it. Illumi was a creature of habit, performing certain tasks every single day with mechanical, repetitive precision. Going to sleep in the middle of the day was simply not one of those tasks because it wasn’t exactly efficient. 

“Don’t be silly. I know you don’t take naps.” Hisoka said, his voice adopting a slightly concerned tone as he watched Illumi slowly inch his way toward the dimly lit hallway leading out to the other rooms and the towel closet. “What’s going on? Are you okay?” 

“Hmm? Oh, yeah, I’m fine. What makes you think otherwise?” Illumi asked, feigning innocence and clasping his hands behind his back to hide his anxious fidgeting. 

“You’re acting... strange. And that’s saying something, because you’re a strange creature by definition.” Hisoka pressed his palms flat against the floor so he could push himself into a standing position, moving slowly as if he were afraid a sudden movement would frighten Illumi. 

“I have absolutely no idea what you’re talking about. I’ll be going now.” the assassin declared, turning up his chin slightly and making his way toward the hallway as quickly as possible. 

Naturally, Illumi could move so quickly and gracefully that the naked eye had a difficult time following him. He almost seemed to be flickering in and out of existence, as if he were teleporting in short, sharp bursts rather than running. Unfortunately for him, Hisoka was capable of anticipating this sporadic movement. 

Next thing Illumi knew, Hisoka had him by the arm with a grip as strong as an iron vice, preventing him from getting any further away. The magician spun him around none too gently before he could even think about struggling. 

“You must think I’m stupid, darling. I’ve known you long enough to tell when something’s wrong.” Hisoka stated, sliding his free hand under Illumi’s chin and gently tilting upward, forcing him to look him in the eyes. “The fact you’re so eager to run away just proves my point. What’s going on?” 

“Let go of me this instant.” Illumi hissed, every muscle in his body tensing as if bracing for a fight. 

“Not until you tell me what’s going on with you. I know that, the moment I release your arm, you’re gonna run away again. I may not be able to catch you a second time.” Hisoka reasoned, tilting his head to one side and studying the assassin’s face closely. “My goodness, you are beautiful.” 

“And you’re extremely bad at focusing on the task at hand.” Illumi shot back, making an honest attempt to yank his arm out of Hisoka’s grasp. Though he was strong enough to tear the magician’s shoulder from his socket in one smooth, clean motion, Illumi was also smart enough to know that Hisoka was more than likely to have already attached a string of Bungee Gum to his arm, keeping them connected. “What if I told you I don’t really feel up to discussing things right now, hmm? Would you respect that?” 

Hisoka pretended to think about it for a moment before grinning from ear to ear and shaking his head. “Nope. And you still owe me a kiss, by the way. That sneaky little dog of yours ruined things for us yesterday, otherwise this wouldn’t be a problem.” 

_Us?_ Illumi’s heart leaped into his throat, nearly causing him to choke on it. 

“W-Would you please just try and take things seriously for once in your life? I’m not in the mood for this kind of... foolishness.” 

“Did you just stutter, Illumi?” Hisoka asked back, completely ignoring everything the ravenet had just said. “Well, that’s a first. I don’t think I’ve ever heard your voice falter like that before. Perhaps it’s because I’ve made you flustered.” 

Illumi swallowed hard. He was suddenly extremely conscious of the lack of distance between him and the redheaded magician, but what really bothered him was the fact he didn’t mind it. He should push Hisoka away, but... he didn’t want to. “I’m not flustered. Let me go right this instant. And for the record, I don’t owe you anything.” Illumi grabbed Hisoka’s wrist with bruising force, trying to make it quite clear he wasn’t above physically forcing the magician off him. 

Hisoka’s eyes narrowed slightly at the pain that flared up in his wrist. “Oh, so that’s how it’s gonna be, hmm? Well, my point still stands. I’m not letting go until I get an honest explanation out of you, and that’s that. Yes, you do in fact owe me a kiss. That's something you can’t deny.” 

“I can. I don’t want anything to do with you, especially not in that way.” Illumi could feel that same strange emotion he’d felt a few weeks ago welling up in his chest again, but this time, he almost understood it. It was a strange sort of unfettered desire tugging at his heart, trying to push him toward what he wanted. But he didn’t know what he wanted. “We are merely business partners, nothing more.” 

“I’m absolutely certain even you know that’s not true. Maybe it was, but it isn’t anymore.” 

Illumi’s aura flared up ever so slightly out of annoyance. His fingernails elongated and sharpened into claws, digging into Hisoka’s skin with enough force to be felt, but not enough to draw blood. “You can’t read my mind. What right do you have to speak to me that way?” 

The look on Hisoka’s face clearly implied he was enjoying this despite the fact he was losing circulation in his left hand from the force of Illum’s grip, and the assassin’s claws were dangerously close to piercing the magician’s skin. “Something’s definitely bothering you, darling. There have been several points in time during this discussion in which I could’ve caught you off guard and killed you.” 

“I’m not above severing your hand from your arm if you don’t let go of me right now.” was Illumi’s low response. 

“Oh _god,_ Illu, don’t do that.” Hisoka’s eyes narrowed even further, amber orbs glittering with a dangerous, lustful light. His voice was little more than a growl at this point, and the slightest hint of bloodlust was beginning to seep out of his skin. “Don’t threaten me. I promise it won’t end well for you.” 

Illumi blinked a couple times, refusing to relinquish his grip on the magician’s arm. It was obvious he was completely unfazed by the sudden turn of events. “I’ll do as I please, thank you very much.” 

“Well, let’s say you did cut my hand off with those pretty little claws of yours. I’d most likely lose all semblance of self-control I possess, pin you up against that wall right there, and have my way with you. Oh, and I’d probably kill you afterward. Something tells me you wouldn’t like that very much, now, would you?” 

Illumi’s eyes widened ever so slightly as he realized what Hisoka was implying. _Is he bluffing? No, I think he meant every word of that. It would be wisest to stand down. There’s bloodlust oozing out of him right now. I doubt I’d be able to fight him off while he’s in one of his frenzied states._

Slowly but surely, Illumi released Hisoka’s arm, dropping his hand to his side. “Fine. Will you let go of me now?” 

Hisoka didn’t respond right away. So, the two took to staring at each other, abysmal black eyes meeting vivid, lust-filled amber. The tension between them was so prominent it could be cut with a knife. It was almost as if they were testing each other, waiting ever so patiently to see who would back down first. Illumi was too stubborn to lose this, and Hisoka was trying to keep himself from doing all the horrible things he wanted to do to the assassin in that moment. He knew that, if he allowed himself to act on all his violent fantasies in that moment, Illumi would either wind up dead or, if he survived, he’d leave and never return. Hisoka was surprised to find he didn’t want either of those things. 

_Please don’t say anything stupid, Illu-chan. You’re smart, you should be able to recognize a dangerous situation and take steps to avoid it. Please, please, please don’t make me hurt you._

Finally, Illumi frowned and looked down at the floor, deciding that enough was enough. “I suppose I have no choice but to tell you what’s going on, then.” he said, with a resigned sigh. 

“Yes, it would seem so.” Hisoka agreed, his grip on the assassin’s arm relaxing slightly. 

“I’m just afraid that you’ll do something stupid, like trying to fight my father or something akin to that. I don’t really want that to happen, and I’m afraid my presence here puts you in danger.” Illumi kept his gaze riveted on the floor, as if he were confessing a sin rather than admitting what he was feeling. “I shouldn’t feel like this, but I do. And I’m not sure how to stop. There, now you know. Are you happy now?” 

Hisoka blinked. He hadn’t been expecting that. Illumi was more scared for Hisoka’s safety than he was his own? 

_That’s different. Perhaps he’s a lot more human than I thought if he’s still capable of growing attached to people. It’s just me, but... that’s more than enough to prove he’s not a lost cause._

“Ah, I see. Thank you for telling me.” Hisoka finally let go of Illumi’s arm. “I’m gonna make dinner soon, what’re you hungry for?” 

Illumi wrung his hands nervously, still unable to pry his gaze from the floor. “I think I’m just gonna skip dinner tonight, if that’s alright with you.” 

“Yeah, that’s okay. It’s not like I can force you to do anything you don’t want to. Well, I’ll make enough for you just in case you change your mind.” Hisoka declared, turning around and making his way out of the hall and into the main room where the kitchen and the living room were. 

Almost immediately, he heard the soft rustling sounds of Illumi climbing into the towel closet and folding himself in half so he could fit in his favorite shelf. Hisoka couldn’t help feeling slightly concerned even now, just knowing that something was really bothering the assassin to the point where he felt the need to hide from it. Hisoka honestly wished there was something more he could do, but he had a feeling that approaching Illumi was a bad idea right now. 

_Something’s definitely not right here, but there’s nothing I can do. I have to just wait until he’s ready to come out and talk again._ Hisoka thought, even as he bustled around the kitchen, pulling things out of cabinets so he could make himself dinner. 

Saki came trotting into the kitchen a few minutes later, sniffing the air curiously. She plopped herself down beside the island countertop separating the kitchen from the living room, watching the magician work with large, rounded blue eyes that seemed much too wise and experienced for a small puppy like her. 

“What do you think we should do with him, Saki?” Hisoka wondered, lining up various containers of spices atop the counter. Naturally, he didn’t get a response, but he could see out of his peripheral vision that Saki’s floppy brown ears were perked up, listening to the sound of his voice attentively. “He’s obviously not okay right now. Usually, he takes you with him when he goes in there. But it seems in his haste to get away from everything he completely forgot and left you with me.” the magician mused, turning around and bending down to lightly pat Saki’s head. 

She whined and craned her neck so she could lick and nip at his hand frantically. He sighed and pulled his hand away, returning to the current task at hand. There was something comforting about Saki’s presence, in all honesty. Just the knowledge she was there, watching everything taking place with doggish scrutiny almost as if she were trying to learn everything she saw, was enough to ensure Hisoka didn’t feel lonely. Perhaps that was why Illumi seemed to like her so much? 

That, among other things. Hisoka grinned. He’d definitely have to visit with Illumi later for the sake of returning Saki to him. 

As it turned out, Hisoka didn’t need the excuse to go and see what the raven-haired assassin was up to. The opportunity presented itself all on its own. 

Hisoka had just finished eating dinner and was in the process of building yet another card pyramid with Saki sprawled in his lap when he heard the loud, high-pitched, unmistakable sound of glass shattering. It startled both him and the small creature in his lap. They both jumped a little and turned their attention to the dimly lit hallway. 

Saki yapped and glanced back at Hisoka, obviously concerned about what had made that sound. Hisoka stroked her head a couple times, trying to reassure her, before gently nudging her out of his lap and standing up. 

“Illumi?” He called out, making his way toward the hallway cautiously. “Lu-chan, is everything okay?” 

No response. 

Feeling a spark of worry ignite in his chest, he made his way to the source of the sound: the guest bedroom. It was a simply decorated room, with two small windows along the wall directly across from the door, a double-bed with its headboard pressed against the wall to the left, and a dresser and a full-length mirror along the right wall. Or at least, there used to be a mirror. 

There were silvery shards of extremely reflective glass scattered all over the floor, and the mirror was gone. 

Illumi was standing in the middle of the mess, unmoving. His hands were clenched into fists, and there was an almost frightening amount of crimson staining his porcelain-pale skin, trickling down the sides of his hands and dripping off onto the floor. He didn’t look shocked; he didn’t look like he was in pain. He just looked confused. 

“My goodness gracious, what happened here?” Hisoka wondered, creeping into the room with his eyes riveted on the floor so he didn’t step on the broken glass by accident. 

Illumi jumped a little, noticing the magician’s presence for the first time. “Oh. I was just going around tidying things up because I was bored. I didn’t expect there to be a mirror here.” he stated, simply. His voice was so very monotonous it was almost irritating. 

“Is there any particular reason why the mirror’s broken now and your hands are bleeding?” Hisoka asked, pausing for a moment and putting his hands on his hips, regarding the assassin with a curious glimmer in his sharply slanted amber eyes. 

“Yes. Like I said, I didn’t realize there was a mirror. I wound up looking at it without registering what it was right away. Well, I didn’t like what I saw in it, so I think I punched it.” Illumi replied, unballing the fists his slender hands had become so he could examine the numerous deep cuts lining his fingers and knuckles. “Huh. Maybe I shouldn’t have done that.” 

Hisoka wasn’t sure why, but he felt a pang in his chest at those words. “Illumi... that’s by far the strangest thing you've ever done."

“I'm not even sure how it happened. It just... did.” Illumi shrugged, eyeing the magician closely out of the corner of his eye. He cringed visibly when Hisoka started moving closer again, carefully stepping around the dangerously sharp glass scattered across the floor. “I’ll make sure to clean it up and all that, but I might want to bandage these cuts first so I don’t lose too much blood.” 

Hisoka ignored him, focused entirely on just getting closer for the time being. 

Saki poked her head around the door, fluffy ears perked up attentively, obviously coming to check on the two humans and see what they were up to. Satisfied that nobody was doing anything that interested her, she turned and bounded down the hallway with her usual overabundance of energy, looking for something to play with. 

Illumi was fully expecting to be hit once Hisoka reached him. That was usually what happened back when he was younger and prone to accidentally knocking things over. His parents would get so very angry with him over something that wasn’t really that big of a deal. He couldn’t even begin to imagine how they’d react if they found he’d broken something on purpose, like right now. So naturally, he expected some form of painful punishment. He reflexively took a step back when Hisoka neared, eyes trained on the magician with obvious apprehension. 

“Hold on, Lu-chan, don’t go anywhere just yet.” Hisoka said, holding out one open hand like he would when dealing with a frightened animal. “It’s dangerous to be moving around so much with so much glass scattered all over the place.” 

Illumi grimaced, setting his jaw in a determined line. The sharp pain shooting up from the tips of his torn-up fingers to his wrists didn’t bother him at all. He barely felt a thing. But he was extremely aware of the blood seeping from the fresh lacerations, pouring from the edges of sliced skin. He felt almost disgusting, knowing what a mess he was making even now. 

When Hisoka made it within arm’s reach of the assassin, he didn’t immediately lash out and try to hurt Illumi like the ravenet honestly thought he would. Instead, Hisoka just cupped Illumi’s face between both hands and leaned in close, tilting his head to one side and connecting their lips before the young Zoldyck could even think about pulling away. 

Time seemed to slow down and everything around them seemed to fall away until they were the only things left in the world. 

Illum’s eyes went wide and his bloodied hands instinctively went to Hisoka’s broad shoulders, torn between pushing him away and pulling him closer. Every muscle in the assassin’s lithe body was screaming, _this is wrong, make it stop,_ but he was surprised to find he didn’t want to listen. He found himself noticing for the first time how warm Hisoka was, how gentle his large, calloused hands were. 

Meanwhile, Hisoka was on cloud nine. He had no idea Illumi’s lips were so soft, so luscious. It only made him seem even more desirable. Hisoka was fully aware of the fact Illumi wasn’t really reciprocating the kiss, but... he wasn’t pulling away, either. 

_He’s probably all frozen up. How cute._ Hisoka thought to himself, thumbs rubbing soft, slow circles into Illumi’s temples, simply appreciating the feeling of smooth, unblemished porcelain skin against his fingertips. 

“You really shouldn’t have done that, Illu-chan. You know I can’t help myself when I see blood.” Hisoka murmured against the other’s lips before pulling back slightly, bringing the moment they had just shared to an end. “Especially your blood. It contrasts so beautifully against your skin, like molten rubies against white silk.” 

Illumi was still frozen in place, unable to process what was happening. He managed to get ahold of himself just enough to speak, and opened his mouth to ask the redhead why this was happening. But then Hisoka lightly grasped Illumi’s left wrist, raising the assassin’s hand to his lips. Illumi immediately froze again, eyes blown so wide they were dangerously close to popping out of his skull. 

_I shouldn’t be letting this happen. This is wrong._

_But... what if I don’t want to stop it, either? What does that make me?_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Whaddaya know, fellas, Hisoka finally got his kiss! And Illumi was alright with it! They're making progress, yeah? It's finals week, so I've been studying like crazy, but I managed to find time in between assignments and things to finish up this chapter. I'm just gonna warn y'all right now that the next chapter is gonna be a little bit steamy. No smut (yet) but it does get a little... err... sexually tense lol. (Don't worry, I will post an appropriate trigger warning when it comes time for something explicitly sexual, that way people who aren't really into smut can skip over it if they feel the need to. There is at least one chapter coming up in which that'll take place.)
> 
> Any comments/kudos would be very much appreciated! Thank you to Skye, Iris and Kiri for helping me finish up this chapter, the assistance meant a lot to me. Y'all take care of yourselves, have a lovely day! And to those of you who also have finals coming up, best of luck to ya! Study hard, I'm sure you'll be fine!


	8. A Fateful Encounter

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> TRIGGER WARNING FOR: Needles, blood and gore, mentions of past torture.

Hisoka had always been fairly simple-minded when it came to other people. It was a well-known fact that he wanted to fight any and every human stronger than or equal in strength to him. If said human was attractive, he’d probably fuck them before fighting them. He could care less whether they were male or female. So long as they were strong, they fell under his scrutiny. If he deemed them worthy of his time, he’d find a way to ensure he fought with them at some point. Occasionally, if the person in question was super naïve, he’d toy with them a bit first, making them think that they were somehow special to him, that he didn’t want to fight them despite his reputation for such violence. 

In all honesty, he wasn’t sure why he did it, other than the fact it amused him. Hisoka was notorious for seeking out naught but his own entertainment and pleasure, and that made him very dangerous both physically and emotionally to other people. Other people were nothing but toys to him, things he could use and throw away as he pleased. To be frank, he didn’t care that what he was doing tended to psychologically damage his victims, especially the attractive, naïve ones that legitimately thought he cared about them. 

When Hisoka met Illumi, this cycle of using people to satiate his bloodlust and sexual desire hadn’t changed. He was still the same sly magician he had always been. 

At first, Hisoka had admittedly been torn between his two extremes: killing Illumi straight away, or having his way with him physically and then killing him. After all, Illumi was quite beautiful to look at, with a perfect figure composed of soft curves, lean muscle, and porcelain-pale skin. But he was also immensely strong. Fighting him would be a treat, so much so that it might outweigh what he could give Hisoka in other aspects. As such, Hisoka didn’t know what he wanted to do with this raven-haired assassin right away. 

The more Hisoka thought about it as time went by, the more he came to realize that simply everything about Illumi was appealing. His Nen needles, his insane ability to bend his body into virtually any shape without breaking, his incredible pain tolerance and general numbness to the world around him... it was all so very attractive. He was shrouded in dark rumors and mystery, much like the other members of his family were. There was so much about him that was enigmatic and abnormal. 

Hisoka eventually reached the conclusion that, no matter what he did to Illumi, he’d most likely enjoy it immensely. Illumi had everything Hisoka could possibly need in both an opponent and a physical partner. Sadly, the feeling was not mutual. Illumi treated the magician with the same cold contempt he did everyone else. But... that could be fixed. 

Hisoka knew that, no matter what, he absolutely had to have this raven-haired prize, one way or another. But he was also curious. He wanted to know exactly what made Illumi tick, wanted to understand how he had grown to be so strong and yet so socially inept that, the more Hisoka spoke to him, the less human he seemed. 

As more time passed and Hisoka found himself uncovering little bits and pieces of what used to be a charming, quirky personality beneath Illumi’s cold, unfeeling exterior, the magician came to realize that he didn’t just want to use Illumi’s body as he saw fit, didn’t just want to see that gorgeous, paper-pale skin ripped to shreds and stained with thick crimson fluid. Hisoka also wanted to be gentle. He wanted all the little things he’d never had before, like holding someone’s hand, kissing them, telling them just how special they were to him and actually meaning it. Domestic things usually disgusted Hisoka because they seemed so trivial and boring, but... when it came to Illumi, Hisoka just wanted absolutely all of it. 

It was so strange, the way two highly dangerous people managed to fall into each other’s gravity like that. And now, neither of them could escape. Illumi was torn between his loyalty to his parents and his rapidly growing loyalty to Hisoka, and Hisoka just wanted absolutely everything from the young assassin though he wasn’t sure if it was possible to gain anything at all. 

The kiss they shared that quiet evening, surrounded by shards of broken glass glinting in the silvery-white moonlight streaming in from a nearby window, only sealed both their fates. There was no turning back from there. 

Hisoka knew for sure once he got a taste of those delightfully soft, pink lips of Illumi’s that he couldn’t find it in himself to kill the young Zoldyck anymore. Although Hisoka would love to, he knew he wouldn’t be able to do it. He was certain he could easily overpower and completely crush Illumi, but... his life would feel so empty without this interesting, beautiful creature that preferred sleeping in towel closets over beds. 

But he also knew that just one little taste would not be enough. It wouldn’t be anywhere near enough. He didn’t want to stop there. He wanted to explore everything Illumi had to offer. >i< Absolutely everything. 

Maybe that’s what drove him to take one of Illum’s torn, bleeding hands, cupping it between his own and raising it to his lips. He intended to just press a firm, gentle kiss to the back of it, but... when the sharp, metallic scent of blood reached his nose, his eyes narrowed ever so slightly. He had always been excited by the sight and smell of blood. He loved the coppery taste especially. Maybe that’s what prompted him to lick a streak of fresh crimson staining the back of Illumi’s hand. 

Illumi was still completely frozen up, reeling from the shock of being kissed for the first time. He felt something warm and wet come into contact with his skin, but he didn’t register what it was until after it had vanished entirely. He tensed, a soft gasp escaping his throat, as Hisoka began trailing kisses up the back of his hand to his wrist, then further up to his forearm. 

“W-Wait... Hisoka...” Illumi stammered out, turning his head to one side and making a feeble attempt to pull his hand away. He felt completely helpless. 

The feeling of Hisoka’s warm lips pressing against his skin was so foreign and yet so gentle that it both calmed Illumi’s nerves and stirred up his anxiety all at once. He wasn’t used to gentle touches. In fact, he wasn’t sure pleasant physical contact even existed. But now... he couldn’t believe what his body was telling him. _It's so soft. It feels nice. I think I like it._

“If you want me to stop, now’s your chance to tell me.” Hisoka hummed, eyes briefly leaving Illumi’s mangled hands to meet those large, abysmal black irises set into the assassin's pale face. 

“I... don’t know.” suddenly at a loss for words, Illumi grimaced and turned his gaze to the floor, completely and utterly embarrassed. 

Hisoka chuckled, lightly nosing at the underside of the other’s wrist and pressing three feather-light kisses to the bloodstained skin there. “You’re cute.” 

Illumi’s knees went weak. He suddenly felt extremely lightheaded, almost as if he were melting at the feeling of Hisoka’s lips dancing across his skin. He was completely and utterly immune to pain, almost as if he were made of iron. But because he’d never been touched affectionately before, he was alarmingly sensitive to gentle physical contact. The knowledge that something so small could cause him to come undone was alarming. He didn’t like that. 

Hisoka was completely entranced by the soft lavender scent of Illumi’s skin, which had been almost entirely drowned out by the lingering smell of blood. Each time the magician’s lips pressed into thin, paper-pale skin, he was pleasantly surprised by how soft and smooth it was, like the finest silk ever created. It was almost intoxicating, the way Illumi’s muscles tensed and twitched beneath Hisoka’s firm, purposeful kisses, which never trailed any higher than his forearm. 

“Illu,” Hisoka rumbled, releasing the assassin’s wrist so his hands could slide down to rest on Illumi’s slender hips, even as he leaned in to claim those rosy lips again. “I don’t think I’m content with just being business partners anymore.” 

There was something about the weight of those words and the confidence with which they were spoken that immediately sliced right through the dazed, petrified trance Illumi had been trapped in ever since Hisoka kissed him mere moments ago. 

“No, stop it. Get away from me.” all of a sudden, Illumi shoved Hisoka away from him as hard as he possibly could (which was, in essence, hard enough to send an ordinary human flying through the air.) 

Hisoka wasn’t expecting the sudden movement, so it caused him to stumble back a couple steps, instantly putting a safe amount of space between him and the quivering assassin. “What the hell-… Illumi, what was that? Why’d you do that?” 

“You’ve no right to touch me like that. I never should’ve allowed you to come so close to begin with.” Illumi hissed, producing three long, dangerously sharp needles with glittering golden balls on the blunt end of them from his vest. He stabbed the first one straight into his forehead without hesitation, driving the thin point deep into his skull. “I’m going out for a few minutes. I’ll be back later.” 

Hisoka gaped at the young Zoldyck for a second. It was both amazing and extremely frustrating how quickly Illumi’s behavior could change from docile to cold, hardened steel. The magician certainly wasn’t very happy that such a perfect, beautiful moment between the two of them had been spoiled again, but at the same time, he knew better than to try and stop Illumi from leaving. 

_Maybe it was what I said. It may have been too much for him._

“Are you sure you’ll be okay out there, all by yourself?” Hisoka asked, the corner of his mouth twitching with displeasure. What he really wanted to say was _please don’t go, I don’t trust you’ll come back to me if I let you leave._

Illumi frowned, pushing a second needle into his temple. Already, his facial features had contorted, hardening and becoming more sharply defined and angular. Just based off the purplish sheen his skin had adopted, Hisoka guessed he was slipping into one of his favorite and most disturbing aliases: Gittarackur. 

“Yes, I’ll be fine. My father shouldn’t be here for the next couple days at least, so a short walk won’t pose any sort of danger.” 

“And... what about your hands? You’re still dripping blood all over the place.” Hisoka tried, gesturing loosely to the deep lacerations slashed across the back of Illumi’s hands, including his knuckles and his fingers. “I don’t know that it’s wise to leave before treating those.” 

“I’ll seal them off with my needles until I get back.” was the ravenet’s terse response. 

He started for the door, still working on pushing needles into various locations on his face, turning himself into the absolutely terrifying figure that was Gittarackur. It was almost as if he was trying to make himself as absolutely unattractive as possible. Hisoka recognized it as Illumi’s way of acknowledging how uncomfortable he felt in his own skin at the moment. Apparently using his needles to slip into a different skin was something Illumi felt the need to do when such feelings arose. 

“What time will you be back, do you know?” Hisoka asked, hurrying after the assassin even as a familiar ticking sound began in the living room. 

Illumi, now fully transformed into Gittarackur, was checking Saki’s food and water dishes to make sure she had everything she needed. Satisfied that she did, he stood up straight and dusted himself off. 

“I’m not sure. Sometime tomorrow, most likely.” Gittarackur said, the muscles in his neck twitching almost uncontrollably from the pressure of all those lovely golden needles pushed into his skin from his collarbone to the top of his head. Each time he twitched, the rounded heads of the needles protruding from his body would knock against each other, producing a ticking sound. “You’ll look after Saki until Illumi gets back, yes?” 

Hisoka was always thrown off by how good at staying in character Illumi was. When in disguise, he’d act like an entirely different person, referring to himself as the name he had given the disguise until he took the needles out and returned to normal. 

“Of course, Gitta.” Hisoka smiled and nodded, using his favorite nickname for the grotesque alias. “If I need to go anywhere, I’ll make sure to put her in the guest bedroom after I’ve cleaned up all the glass our dearest Illumi got all over the floor. She won’t be able to destroy anything in there.” 

“Ah. Okay.” without another word, Gittarackur made his way to the front door and jerked it open, disappearing outside before Hisoka could say anything else. 

The magician sighed heavily. If Illumi hadn’t slipped into his disguise so quickly, Hisoka might've tried to stop him from leaving, despite knowing it was unwise to do so. After all, it had grown dark outside, and it was the middle of winter, so the temperatures would be frigid. Those were much less than favorable conditions, but Hisoka knew chasing after Illumi right away was a terrible idea. So... he had no choice but to be patient. 

All of a sudden, Hisoka’s phone buzzed in his pocket. Frowning curiously, he reached into his pocket and pulled the small device out, pressing the home button to see the notification. He was pleasantly surprised to find that it was a text from Chrollo. 

_I made it into town about half an hour ago, and I’m already lost. When would be a good time to meet?_

Hisoka grinned from ear to ear. He’d almost completely forgotten that Chrollo was coming into town in search of a book that he wanted, one that could only be found in the archives hidden deep within the hellish maze that was the nameless city. 

He glanced up to make sure Saki hadn’t wandered into the guest bedroom of her own accord. Satisfied that she was still napping on the couch, he returned his attention to his phone and quickly thumbed out a response. 

_How fast can you make it to the entrance of Heaven’s Arena?_

Chrollo’s reply read, quite simply, _If you give me a couple hours to find a place to stay and all that, I’ll be over later tonight._

Hisoka’s smile only broadened. He could use helping Chrollo locate the archives as an excuse to look for Illumi at the same time. The magician had absolutely no concept of personal space, and he honestly didn’t think it was safe for the young Zoldyck to be wandering around alone, especially not in that terrible state of mind he'd been trapped in lately. 

_Good,_ Hisoka typed out a single word before pausing, tapping his dangerously sharp fingernails against his phone screen thoughtfully. A moment passed before he added, _There’s a little something you can help me with as well while we’re out and about._

Naturally, this statement immediately aroused Chrollo’s suspicion. There was a very brief but noticeable moment between the time he read Hisoka’s message, and the time the little typing icon appeared on the bottom right of Hisoka’s screen. 

_What is it? What did you do?_

_Oh, nothing too terrible, I promise. I just seem to have misplaced my Zoldyck._

_Again?! Oh, good grief. Fine, give me half an hour and I’ll be right over._

_Lovely. I look forward to seeing you again._

With that, Hisoka set his phone down on the coffee table before wandering into the guest bedroom to clean up the glass and dried blood staining the wooden floor. 

Just outside the front door, Illumi was sitting with his back against the wall, focusing on pulling all the thick, golden-headed needles out of his skin. Bit by bit, his appearance began returning to normal. The sickly purplish color his skin had become seemed to bleed out of him, drowned out by his natural porcelain complexion. His abnormally sharp, squarish facial features became smaller, thinner, more elegant. He couldn’t help but let out a relieved sigh as the last needle slid free of his skin, producing a stinging, tugging sensation that lingered for a few seconds after it was out. 

He had created Gittarackur specifically for situations like this. Each of Illumi’s aliases had different personality traits that distinguished them from each other and ensured that none of them could be traced back to or recognized as their creator. Gittarackur was strong, confident, cheerful. He was capable of expressing certainty in everything he did, capable of radiating a sort of headstrong confidence that Illumi himself did not have. As such, Gittarackur was a mask Illumi created for the sole purpose of hiding behind. But that didn’t mean Illumi liked it. He had grown to hate his various aliases over the years, even though he knew they were necessary. Disguising himself as something he wasn’t, pretending to have a unique personality, acting like a normal human being... it was all so tiring. He always felt drained, like a small part of him had died, when he removed his needle disguises. 

Illumi gathered up the needles he’d placed in his lap after removing them, returning them to their various hiding places on his person. A few of them protruded directly from his heavy leather vest, just barely piercing his flesh through the material, whereas the others went in their own hidden pockets in his clothes. Satisfied that he looked like himself again, he slowly rose to his feet and made his way down several flights of stairs to the bottom floor of the massive skyscraper. 

He wasn’t really sure what to make of everything that had just happened to him. He hated that he could still feel the warmth of Hisoka’s lips lingering against his, and he hated even more that he actually missed the feeling and longed to experience it again. 

_Tch. Some Zoldyck I am._ He internally scoffed, feeling a wave of disgust roll through him. _I failed. If Father knew what I had just allowed that freak to do... oh god, he would never let me see the light of day again. Kalluto’s right, I can’t go home. I can never go home. Not now, not after everything that’s come to pass._

Although Illumi knew without a doubt in his mind that he’d sealed his own fate and ensured he’d never be safe from his family again, he couldn’t help feeling lost. He didn’t know what to do, where to go, how to handle it all. He just wanted to dig himself a hole in the ground, bury himself alive, and stay there until he figured out how to make things better. 

_I can’t fix this. What I’ve allowed to happen is irreversible. Hisoka and I have crossed the line from business partners to something much more intimate, and I don’t think there’s any way to undo that. I’ve allowed myself to become trapped in something I do not want. There’s no escaping from it._

Illumi knew he was being dishonest with himself. Somewhere deep down, he did want to be something more than business partners with Hisoka. Why? Because Hisoka was special. He actually cared enough to put time and effort into helping Illumi figure things out with his family, rough and entangled though the situation was. Hisoka was different in the sense that he was actually drawn to the dark rumors and horror stories surrounding the infamous Illumi Zoldyck, rather than feeling repulsed and intimidated by him. Maybe that’s why Illumi found it so hard to escape from the strange desire he felt whenever he was near the magician. 

Illumi pushed a heavy glass door open, and was instantly blasted in the face with icy cold air the moment he stepped foot outside Heaven’s Arena. He glanced around the nameless city, black eyes scanning impassively over the countless shoddy white buildings spread out before him. He wasn’t sure where he was supposed to go, or if he even wanted to try and find a stable place to spend the night. Wandering around in the frigid night air with no protection from the biting wind save for his thin lavender top beneath his vest and his baggy black pants honestly appealed to him more than trying to find somewhere warm to stay until morning. 

He wrapped his arms around his lithe body and started out into the city, with the intent of getting himself lost so he'd have an excuse to never return. All of a sudden, he heard a familiar voice in the distance. A voice that he wasn’t sure he’d ever hear again. He froze. 

“C’mon, baka, you’re so slow!” 

_Kil._

_What the hell is Kil doing here?_

Thinking quickly, Illumi pivoted sharply and ducked around the corner of a small building placed alongside the massive skyscraper that was Heaven’s Arena. He didn’t want to be seen, because he knew his presence would most likely scare his little brother away. 

And not a moment too soon, because Killua Zoldyck could be seen rounding the nearest street corner and heading toward Heaven’s Arena a split second later. He was grinning from ear to ear, his familiar sapphire blue eyes sparkling with youthful energy. Gon Freecss appeared a moment later, trotting along behind Killua, obviously trying extremely hard to keep up with him. 

“I’m not slow!” the bronze-skinned boy was protesting loudly, rolling his eyes dramatically. “You always walk like you’re in a huge hurry to be somewhere important! It’s so annoying!” 

“Baaaaaaka!” Killua drawled in response, jamming his hands into the front pockets of his pants and glancing over his shoulder for the sole purpose of sticking his tongue out at Gon. 

Illumi felt a slight pang of remorse in his chest. He knew Killua hated him. Probably would spend the rest of his life hating him. All because Illumi’s parents forced him to put Killua through the same torture training he himself had gone through. Illumi remembered how much he had protested the very idea of hurting his precious little brother at first, but... Silva had threatened to do something far worse to Killua than just torture training if Illumi continued to refuse to cooperate. So, at the end of the day, in order to save Killua from absolutely excruciating agony, Illumi agreed to do whatever his parents asked. Killua didn’t see it the same way. Ever since then, he’d absolutely hated his older brother with a burning passion. 

They’d never have the same close relationship they did when they were both little. Illumi missed it so much, but he knew this was all his fault and there was nothing he could do to fix it. 

Gon’s voice jolted the ravenet back to the present. “So, what are we doing here, anyway? Didn’t we come through here two years ago, when we were twelve? Right after I rescued you from your family, I think.” 

Killua let out an indignant squawk and turned around to swat the ebony-haired boy over the head. “You did not rescue me! I convinced my father to let me go willingly and gladly, thank you very much! When I came out, I found you playing games with my butlers. Some rescue team you are.” 

“Hmph. You’re just jealous because I figured out Gotoh’s coin trick.” Gon scoffed, reaching over and mussing Killua’s fluffy, curly white hair. “And besides, I did rescue you, in a way. If you hadn’t known I was harassing the gatekeeper guy until he allowed me to go in, you never would’ve come out of there.” 

Illumi couldn’t help but cringe a bit at that. He still hated himself for trying so hard to control Killua for the sake of keeping him safe. Being with Hisoka had taught Illumi that control was a terrible thing. He didn’t want to continue to treat his precious little brother like that, though he knew without a doubt that it was too late. The damage had already been done. But at least Killua was happy and free with Gon, right? 

“Well, anyway, I just wanted to come by and see if anything’s changed since we’ve last showed up. I don’t want to go in, though. I guarantee you that creepy clown is lurking somewhere up there, waiting to jump out from behind a trashcan and blast us off the face of the earth with his Bungee Gum or something.” Killua stated, swatting Gon’s hand away with a little hissing sound. 

“He’s a magician. And besides, he wouldn’t do that anyway. We’re... eh... unripe fruit.” was Gon’s even response. 

“Bleh. Gross. Don’t remind me.” 

“Sorry, sorry...” 

The two boys continued to stand there for a moment longer, simply admiring the view they had of the positively massive skyscraper looming over them. They both looked extremely fascinated by the structure of the building itself, each of them trying to figure out in their own minds how such a tall object could manage to stand upright without tipping over, crumbling beneath its own weight, or appearing lopsided. 

Illumi briefly wondered if he should say something. He would honestly love to try and talk to Killua again, it had been a long time since they’d last seen each other and Illumi was clinging to the faint hope that maybe their broken relationship was salvageable. But he knew that if he revealed himself, Killua would run away and never come back. Illumi didn’t want that at all. He liked seeing his precious little brother so happy, even if it was because he was with Gon. 

Choosing to swallow his longing to talk with Killua again, Illumi turned and walked away, intending to get as far away as possible so he wouldn’t accidentally run into the two boys again. 

But at the exact moment Illumi stepped out from behind his cover, Killua turned and looked right at him. His back was turned, so he didn’t realize he’d been seen until he heard the shock in Killua’s voice. 

“A-Aniki?! Oh, you’ve got to be kidding me, I-…" 

Illumi wasn’t there long enough to hear the rest of that sentence. The moment he heard Killua’s old nickname for him, he bolted. To anyone who had seen him, he appeared to just blip out of existence, almost as if he’d never been there in the first place. 

“What’s wrong, Killua?” Gon asked, having not seen the tall, shadowy figure with long hair walking away from them. 

Killua was silent for a moment, every muscle in his body tensed and ready to run. He didn’t trust that his brother was really and truly gone. He was fully expecting Illumi to reappear somewhere close by with the intent of trying to force him to come home. In fact, he almost couldn't believe his eyes. There was no way his brother could be out in a place like this in the dead of night. The environment and people within it were in such poor condition that Killua doubted any of the other Zoldycks visited it very often. 

Hesitantly, the snowy-haired boy peeled his eyes away from the spot he’d seen his brother to make eye contact with Gon. “I... I just saw my brother. I’m not sure how or why, but Illumi’s here, too. What I want to know is why he didn’t confront me right away like he’s done in the past. It’s... odd.” 

Gon’s eyes went wide and he clapped one hand over his forehead. “Illumi’s the tall, scary guy with the needles, right?” 

Killua rolled his eyes. “Yes, Gon. He’s the tall, scary guy with the needles. That’s probably the most accurate description you could possibly give him, actually.” 

“Oh shit.” 

“Yep. We should leave.” 

“Awww, but you only just got here!” a third voice joined theirs, coming from directly behind the two of them. “Surely you’d want to stay a little longer than five minutes, right? Say, I couldn’t help but overhear you talking about how you saw your brother. Care to tell me where he went? I may or may not have lost track of him about half an hour ago.” 

Killua was silent for a moment, feeling an icy cold hand of disgust mixed with fear closing around his heart. “You’ve gotta be fucking kidding me.” he said, simply. 

“Oh, hi, Hisoka!” Gon greeted cheerfully, smiling broadly as if there was absolutely nothing wrong with the world at this moment. 

“Good to see you again, my sweet, precious little fruit. You look a good deal stronger than you did the last time I saw you. How delightful.” a lustful edge crept into Hisoka’s voice as he eyed Gon up and down, taking in every inch of lean muscle. 

“Okay, that’s enough of that.” Killua didn’t hesitate to jump in front of his friend, spreading his arms protectively and glaring up at the magician with as much venom as he could possibly muster up. “What do you want, creep?” 

“Hey, brat.” Hisoka gave the young Zoldyck an amused grin. “I was just wondering if you saw which way Illu-chan went. I seem to have misplaced him, and I’d very much like to find him again because he’s not exactly in a good state of mind right now. He shouldn’t be wandering around on his own like that, so I’m a bit worried about him.” 

“You’re lying. He’s probably just trying to get as far away from you as possible. I can’t say I blame him, knowing you.” Killua growled in response, ignoring the way Gon was glaring at his back, obviously willing him to move out of the way. 

“Ne, Killua? Could you stop standing in front of me like that? Please?” 

Killua completely ignored Gon, eyes never leaving Hisoka’s. 

The redhead licked his lips suggestively and shrugged. “No, I’m being serious. It’s not something I did, though I doubt my actions helped the situation any. You know how I am. I just don’t think he should be on his own right now.” he said, tilting his head to one side and regarding Killua with an almost predatory look in those shimmering amber eyes of his. 

“As if I’m supposed to care. My brother’s about as emotional as a pebble buried in the sand. I have a hard time believing he’s in such a terrible state that he can’t handle himself for whatever reason. Gon, we should just go.” Killua turned around sharply and took hold of his best friend’s arm, trying to drag the bronze-skinned boy away from Hisoka as quickly as possible. He just didn’t want to have to spend any more time with the magician, seeing as Hisoka was known to stalk people and freak them out with his creepy behavior. 

But Gon... refused to budge, unsurprisingly. “I don’t think we should go just yet, Killua.” he stated, as he tried to tug his arm out of Killua’s vice-like grip. 

“E-Eh? Why not? Do you have brain damage or something? This is Hisoka and Illumi we’re talking about here, two of the most dangerous people on the planet! And they both just so happen to be hellbent on messing our lives up!” Killua exclaimed, eyes widening with genuine shock. He had no idea how Gon managed to stick around such obviously bad people without a care in the world. If it were entirely up to Killua, the two of them would already be a thousand miles away from this cursed city. “Please, give me one good reason why we should stick around.” 

“I would feel bad if we just left without helping Hisoka out. There’s a chance something’s really wrong with your brother because Hisoka’s acting a lot more serious than usual. Trust me, I can tell.” Gon reasoned, spreading his free hand in a helpless gesture. 

Killua couldn’t help but gape at his friend for a moment. There were times in which Gon was so very naïve that it was painful. 

“But they’re evil! And terrifying! And everything else bad that we want to avoid!” Killua protested, once he managed to find his voice again. 

“Oh, good grief, Killua, let’s just hear Hisoka out and see what he has to say about the whole situation. If it sounds legitimate enough, we’ll help him. If it’s clearly bullshit, we can just turn around and leave anytime we want.” Gon said, finally managing to yank his arm free of Killua’s bruising grip. “I personally don’t want to leave without making an effort to help them out, so if you really wanna go, you can. I’ll catch up later.” 

“You’re such an idiot! Why would you want to help people like this? They’ve both got it out for us!” 

“Well, now, that’s just hurtful.” Hisoka remarked. He was leafing through a deck of cards with a bemused expression on his face, obviously losing interest in the little argument the two boys were having right in front of him. 

Naturally, the two youngsters completely ignored him, too engrossed in their argument to pay much attention to anything else. 

“Like I said, you’re more than welcome to just leave. I can figure things out on my own.” Gon said flatly, folding his arms across his chest and giving the other boy the most stubborn glare he’d ever seen in his life. 

“I hate you sometimes.” Killua sighed, deciding it would be best to give up. He knew he wouldn’t win this argument anytime soon. Slowly but surely, he turned to face Hisoka with a resigned expression. “Alright, creep, care to explain what’s going on here?” 

“Yes, please do. I’m both confused and concerned at the moment, and I’d very much like to know what’s happened in my absence.” yet another familiar voice joined the mix. 

Hisoka glanced up from his cards, suddenly grinning from ear to ear. “Ah! Chrollo, my dear! I was wondering when you’d finally show up! Fortunately, my little fruits here were kind enough to keep me company for the last few minutes, so I wasn’t all that lonely.” 

Gon looked blatantly shocked by this sudden intrusion, whereas Killua just looked like he wanted the earth to open up beneath his feet and swallow him whole. He kept opening and closing his mouth, gaping at Chrollo with wide eyes. He'd been too busy arguing with Gon to notice the head of the Phantom Troupe approaching. 

Chrollo wasn’t the most intimidating person on the planet. He was a couple inches shorter than Hisoka, with slick black hair, soft brown eyes, and an ever-present, gentle smile on his face. He always managed to look strangely contended, as if absolutely nothing could get him down. He was also extremely polite and gentle in terms of personality, gaining himself a reputation as the most well-mannered criminal on the planet. It was hard to believe he was responsible for the death of countless innocent people and for the theft of millions of dollars’ worth in precious items. 

That didn’t mean Killua was relieved to see him, though. In fact, he couldn’t be more mortified than he was in that moment. 

“Yeah, no.” he finally said, once he managed to find his voice. “I’m out of here. Just two of you scary people in the same city is bad enough, but three of you? I’m good. I want no part of this.” he turned and started walking away. Unsurprisingly, Gon didn’t let him get very far. 

“Chrollo doesn’t have it out for us, Killua, so he doesn’t count.” Gon said, sternly. 

Killua froze mid-step, one foot raised in the air. He was silent for a few seconds, taking a moment to think everything over and debate with himself as to whetger or not he should cast aside his own stubborn will. 

“I hate it when you’re right.” he finally grumbled, huffing angrily and returning his attention to the two adults. “But let me make one thing absolutely clear. I’m not staying because I want to help you. I’m staying because Gon thinks I should and that’s good enough for me. Got that?” 

“Fair enough. I have no idea why you’re so hostile toward everyone stronger than you, but that’s fine by me.” Chrollo said, straightening out his heavy, fur-lined coat. 

“I have very good reason to be.” Killua replied, bluntly. He shot Hisoka a strange look that clearly implied he’d rather be anywhere else in the world than where he was right now. “What’s the deal with my brother, then? Are you ever going to explain, or are you just going to stand there all night?”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> OOF. I feel like I threw a whole bunch of new people into the mix this chapter, jesus christ. Now, we've got all three members of the Adultrio in one place, as well as Gon and Killua, the wholesome fluffy children. Things are definitely starting to get interesting up in here, so y'all better hold on to your socks. And just for the record, I acknowledge fully that this chapter is pretty sloppy. It's not nearly as good as I would've liked it to be. I still hope you enjoyed it regardless!
> 
> Thanks so much for reading! Any comments/kudos would be very much appreciated. Take care!


	9. To Find a Zoldyck

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> GUYS. THIS IS THE SECOND LONGEST CHAPTER I HAVE EVER WRITTEN. I CAPPED IT RIGHT AROUND 7000 WORDS NOT INCLUDING THE NOTES. A LOT OF STUFF GOES DOWN IN THIS CHAPTER. 
> 
> TRIGGER WARNING FOR: blood, gore, EXTREMELY self-destructive behavior on Illumi's part, mentions of past torture.

“I understand how crazy this sounds, but... well... your parents are chasing after your brother.” Hisoka stated, simply. 

Killua planted his tiny fists on his hips, glaring up at the magician with obvious suspicion. “And you expect me to believe this why?” 

“Ne, Killua, stop being such a killjoy and let him finish.” Gon hissed, elbowing his friend in the ribs. 

“No, no, it’s alright. I don’t mind. You two have every reason in the world to doubt what I’m saying. I’m definitely not a truthful person by nature, so I get it. But I’m being serious this time. We just learned earlier today from Kalluto that Silva’s extremely angry. He’s on his way here right now to find Illumi and bring him back.” Hisoka explained, spreading his hands in a helpless gesture. 

The cold wind howling through the dark, empty city streets was mussing Hisoka's red hair, which was slicked back as usual. The wayward strands framing his sharp facial features somehow gave him a much more deadset appearance. There was also the fact that he was no longer smiling. His seemingly ever-present smirk had fallen from his face, which made it a lot easier to take him seriously. It quickly became obvious he was telling the truth, simply because he was a lot less coy than usual. 

“Oh?” Killua raised one feathery white eyebrow in disbelief. “What did he do to prompt such a thing? Did he spend too much time hanging out with you, or something?” he asked, his voice thick with sarcasm. 

“You’re half right. He did stay away from home a lot longer than he was supposed to. But the reasoning for this was the fact he had actually started realizing that there was absolutely nothing he could do to impress your parents.” Hisoka tapped his chin with his index finger, being careful not to scratch himself with his dangerously long fingernail. “He came to me asking if there was anything I could teach him that might help his situation, because he knew he’d be harshly punished for returning home without improving some aspect of himself.” 

“You, of all people?” Chrollo suddenly interjected, his mouth dropping open in surprise. “You’re always tormenting the poor fellow with those flirtatious comments you throw his way every chance you get. Why on earth would he come to you for help?” 

“Because I’m just as messed up as he is, though in a different way.” Hisoka replied, without missing a beat. 

“Tch. You got that right.” Killua scoffed, giving a slight roll of his eyes. 

He honestly didn’t like the way this conversation was going. He refused to believe that there was any sort of humanity left within his older brother. After everything that had happened in the past, all the things Illumi had done with that same impassive, stone-cold expression on his face... Killua quickly shook those thoughts out of his head. He knew from experience that the very thought of Illumi’s seemingly soulless black eyes was enough to give him nightmares for the rest of the week. 

_I knew I wouldn’t be able to avoid my other siblings besides Alluka forever, but... this is not possible. The Illumi I know would never second-guess our parents. He’s too far gone to even think for himself anymore, so what’s changed?_ Killua wondered, shivering a little as another gust of icy-cold wind whipped around his lithe body, tearing viciously at any exposed skin with sharp, unforgiving talons. 

“I hate to have to agree with Killua here, but he does have a point. From what I’ve seen of Illumi, he’s an extremely disturbing person who doesn’t react emotionally to anything at all. You’re implying that this aspect of him changed almost overnight.” Gon stated, making a face that implied he was starting to have his doubts about the whole situation. 

“It wasn’t an overnight thing, my dearest Gon. In fact, it was actually a very slow progression. It took almost two months and a lot of coaxing on my part for Illumi to finally realize that there was absolutely nothing he could do to make his parents love him. They never have loved him, and they never will.” Hisoka reasoned, tilting his head to one side and regarding the two boys like a vulture eyeing its prey. “It was quite frustrating at first, because he kept skirting around the truth of the matter and choosing instead to assume that he was doing something wrong, that it was his own fault he would never be enough for them.” 

“Yep, that certainly does sound like him. Our parents have got him all wrapped around their fingers.” Killua nodded his agreement, finally beginning to see the sense behind the magician’s story. 

“Even now, Illumi’s still extremely unsure of himself. He’s still pretty certain that he must be doing something wrong. He tends to call himself a disgrace a lot, actually. It’s very saddening to listen to. But, in any case, he’s getting better. He figured out on his own that he doesn't want to go back home, hence why Silva’s chasing him down now.” Hisoka finished. 

Everyone was silent for a moment. Gon looked generally confused, Chrollo had the same facial expression as a mother who was very anxious for her children, and Killua was still torn between clinging to the faint hope that there was still something of a human within his older brother and wanting to run away from this place as fast as his legs could carry him. 

“I don’t wanna believe it.” the snowy-haired boy said, after the moment of silence broken only by the wind had passed. “In fact, I don’t know if I _can_ believe it. My brother’s an absolute monster, though he may not look like one. He’s cruel, sadistic, and merciless. That, and he allows himself to be manipulated in any way our parents see fit. I don’t think he’s capable of changing.” 

“He does love you and your siblings.” Hisoka tried, but Killua was already shaking his head in response. 

“Sure, in his own sick, twisted way. That doesn’t help his case any.” 

“Killua,” Chrollo suddenly called out, clasping his hands neatly behind his back. “You do realize that it’s impossible to love someone properly if you’ve never been loved before, right?” 

“That’s what I was thinking!” Gon piped up cheerfully, completely oblivious to the somber mood hanging in the twilight air. 

“My Aniki’s different, trust me. I remember a time when he was human and had a real personality and real feelings. He was the sweetest thing, and I considered him to be the best big brother in the world. He would play hide and seek with me, comfort me when I was sad, and listen to me whenever I wanted to talk about anything at all.” Killua winced a little. He didn’t like talking about this because it was almost painful acknowledging that he actually used to love his older brother. “But he took on training me himself, which meant building up my immunity to various tortures. From that point on, he was as blank and expressionless as he is today. I don’t think he cared that he was hurting me.” 

“Is that really what you think?” Hisoka suddenly asked, his voice laced with concern. 

Chrollo’s reaction was much the same. “Oh, honey.” he said, simply. 

Killua glanced back and forth between the two adults a few times, clearly confused. He became impatient and threw his arms up in exasperation. “What? What am I missing here? Could you stop giving me those pitying looks and just tell me already?” 

“You’ve got it all wrong.” Chrollo shook his head, a mournful expression crossing his face. “Hisoka and I both know better than anyone here that Illumi still hates himself for what he was forced to do to you.” 

_“Forced to?”_ all the color drained from Killua’s face. 

_Impossible._

“Yes, indeed.” Hisoka jumped in, folding his arms across his broad, muscular chest and clicking his tongue disapprovingly. “He’s mentioned on several occasions that one of the reasons his parents are so hard on him is because when your parents asked him to train you himself, he blatantly refused for the longest time. I’m guessing they threatened him somehow, because he eventually caved and did what they asked him to do. He’s stubborn and he loves you so very much that I know for a fact it would’ve taken a lot to make him hurt you like that.” 

“Now, Illumi sort of views the whole situation as his own fault. He thinks that if he had just done what he was told without resisting so much, he wouldn’t have to deal with the fact your parents’ expectations for him are a lot higher than they are for you and your other siblings.” Chrollo agreed, wrinkling his nose in displeasure. “It’s such a sickening thing, the way he blames himself for every little thing. He just doesn’t want to accept the fact the people he’s mindlessly devoted to don’t care about him at all and are only interested in breaking him until there’s nothing left to break.” 

Killua just stared at them, having lost all ability to speak. He couldn’t believe this at all. _No._ There was no way. He couldn’t have misunderstood the whole situation for all these years... right? 

“How on earth do you guys know this? He’s so quiet, he never talks to anyone about these things.” Killua finally said, trying to find a reason to doubt everything he’d just been told. “Really, there’s no way anything you just said is true.” 

Hisoka and Chrollo exchanged amused glances before the magician replied, “When it comes to you and your siblings, it’s getting Illumi to shut up that’s the trick.” 

“Exactly. I don’t think he’ll ever tire of talking about you.” Chrollo nodded his head enthusiastically. 

“But I thought he was angry with Killua for running away.” Gon pointed out, gesturing with one hand to his best friend. “I saw it with my own eyes during the Hunter Exam. He didn’t look all that mad, but he kept going on about how Killua isn’t allowed to have friends and he shouldn’t have run away from home like that because he’s the heir to the Zoldycks’ business, or whatever.” 

“That’s partially true, but he wasn’t actively looking for Killua. They just so happened to be taking the Hunter Exam at the same time. Illumi’s expected to report back to his parents on important things like that, so once he told them that he’d run into Killua on accident, they immediately jumped the opportunity. Now, they expect Illumi to bring him home should they ever meet again.” Hisoka explained, a small frown crossing his face. He could clearly remember all the times Illumi had gone on and on about how his parents might finally love him if he succeeded in bringing Killua home. “But you’re right, to some extent. He certainly wasn’t pleased to find his runaway brother was now making friends, which is a huge no-no in the assassin business.” 

Killua remained silent, still trying to wrap his head around everything. The wheels in his brain were turning, making an honest effort to comprehend that his overly protective control freak of a brother was actually... not as bad as Killua had first thought. Sure, the scars and trauma from being tortured were still there, but just the knowledge that Illumi had been internally aching for every second of it because he didn’t want to do it completely changed the way Killua saw the whole thing. 

_It was hard on both of us. I may have been the one on the receiving end of the torture, but he felt it just as strongly as I did._

“So... why are you guys out looking for him, then? That’s one thing you haven’t mentioned yet.” he finally asked, lifting his gaze from the sidewalk to Hisoka and Chrollo, who were watching him expectantly. 

“Ah, that’s an excellent question. One that I would very much like answered as well.” Chrollo agreed, giving Hisoka a look that implied he was not amused at all. “I know it had something to do with you, Hisoka. You’re always screwing around with Illumi. The poor thing never gets a moment of peace when you’re around.” 

Gon barked a laugh. “Yep, sounds like something Hisoka would do.” 

Hisoka rolled his eyes. “You're all so mean. To sum it up briefly, Illumi and I have had a somewhat complicated relationship lately. I may or may not have said something that frightened him off.” 

“What did you say, exactly?” Killua asked, raising one eyebrow suspiciously. 

“Oh, nothing too terrible, just that I’m not happy being platonic business partners anymore.” Hisoka shrugged carelessly. 

Killua’s jaw dropped open. “It’s _that_ kind of complicated relationship?!” he pressed his thumbs into his closed eyelids and walked a couple paces away, grumbling to himself. “Oh, Christ, Aniki, what the hell are you doing?” 

“Yeah, that’s a thing. Close your mouth, Chrollo, you look like a startled koi fish.” Hisoka said, loosely gesturing to the head of the Phantom Troupe, who looked like he’d just seen an army of ghosts. “I just don’t want Illumi by himself in this hellish weather. He’s extremely confused right now, especially with everything going on between him and his parents.” 

“We definitely need to find him, and quickly. I’m really starting to question his mental stability.” Killua said, tugging at the ends of his jacket to straighten it and starting off down the street. “If there’s one thing I know about my brother, it’s that he tends to gravitate toward corners when he’s upset. Are there any dead ends in this godforsaken city?” 

“Indeed, there are. Follow me, I think I know where we’ll find our missing Zoldyck.” Hisoka declared, pushing past the snowy-haired boy with Gon and Chrollo at his heels. 

Although it was extremely cold and windy out, there were still a few shoddily dressed people roaming the streets, keeping carefully to the shadows with their thin, grubby arms wrapped around themselves as meager protection against the frigid temperatures leeching off their natural body heat. It was obvious that these people were up to no good, based off the way they did their absolute best to stay out of sight. 

Killua eyed the townsfolk with an avid sort of disgust. He was very curious about these people and their suspicious behavior, but he also wanted nothing more than to stay as far away from them as possible. Some of them brandished small, sharp weapons, like a rusting kitchen knife or a shard of broken glass. How they deemed such well-worn objects capable of protecting them was beyond Killua. 

He didn’t understand how such a run-down city filled with extremely poor people that had clearly seen a lot of misfortune could function, let alone be known as home to one of the most sought-after locations in the world. The lavish décor and expensive materials making up Heaven’s Arena were a far cry from the condition of the nameless city. 

“What on earth happened to all these people, do you know?” Gon asked, pulling his green jacket with orange trim closer around his body and visibly shuddering as another gust of icy-cold wind blasted through the streets. 

“No, I don’t. They all seem so very unhappy that it’s almost depressing just to look at.” Hisoka replied, glancing over his shoulder at the ebony-haired boy. 

“This is almost like Meteor City. The only difference is that these people actually have stable structures to live within.” Chrollo remarked, as the group of four rounded yet another sharp bend in the road they were currently traversing. “I think the real question is why it was constructed less like a city and more like a labyrinth. Clearly whoever built this place had more than enough money to do what they wanted, so why did they put all their time and effort into confusing people rather than helping them?” 

“Sadism or narcissism, perhaps both. Clearly whoever built this place has no regard for human life and would much rather spend their money on confusing anyone who steps foot within this city than on constructing a safe, welcoming living space.” Killua jumped in, folding his arms across his chest in an attempt to stop the shivers wracking his small body. 

“Maybe that’s why everyone here looks so unhappy. They don’t get a lot of business here since most of the time people can’t even find the businesses.” Gon agreed. 

“Hmm, I suppose that would make sense. This is a remarkably large city with an even more remarkable design. Only people who have been here for a very long time know where to find everything. I still get lost sometimes, just for the record.” Hisoka said, stroking his chin thoughtfully and humming to himself under his breath. “That’s another really good reason why we need to find Illu-chan. He’s probably lost.” 

Oh, if only Hisoka knew how right he was. Illumi was _definitely_ lost. 

He was so absolutely shellshocked from both the events that had transpired between him and Hisoka, and from unexpectedly running into his little brother again that he’d completely forgotten to pay attention to where he was going. 

All he knew was that he was cold. Unbearably so. He wanted to turn around and go back, but he was too stubborn and angry with himself to do so. 

Illumi was also extremely tired. He hadn’t been sleeping well as of late, despite his odd ability to fall asleep and wake up at will (something his parents had trained into him for the sake of making him an acceptable assassin.) The deep, open cuts running from the back of his hands to his fingers were throbbing and stinging dreadfully, almost as if there were thousands of pieces of glass stuck in them, gouging deeper and deeper into his skin. Although he had mentioned that he was gonna seal the cuts with his needles, he had simply forgotten to do so. At least the bleeding had stopped several minutes ago, right? 

Finding himself too exhausted to continue roaming the dark, empty streets, he found himself a comfortable place to sit and wait for the sun to rise. Naturally, this ‘comfortable’ place was simply a curb lining a street that led to a dead end. 

Illumi sat with his hands clasped neatly in his lap, silently rocking back and forth in an attempt to keep himself warm, slowly but surely beginning to lose track of time. He didn’t know what to think or what to do, and that was bothering him. He honestly wished there was a way he could force himself to stop feeling altogether. He was convinced that all his problems would vanish if he completely lost his ability to feel emotion. 

_I won’t want Hisoka anymore. I won’t feel remorse whenever my eyes land on Kil. I won’t have to put up with this strange sort of pain that comes with the knowledge that my parents will never love me, that I’ll never be enough for them no matter what I do._

Illumi couldn’t help but sigh inaudibly at the thought. A life without emotion sounded so quiet, so peaceful, so delightfully oblivious to all the terrible things that went on in life. But he knew that the only way to achieve that level of peace was to die. He wasn’t ready to die. Not yet, anyway. 

He wasn’t sure how long he was sitting there for, with his head bowed against the wind that tore at any exposed skin on his body with icy claws. At first, the frigid temperatures were causing him pain, exacerbating the aching of his open wounds. But as time continued to pass, he gradually became so cold he lost all feeling in his limbs. He knew that wasn’t really a good thing, but he was more than willing to stick it out until morning. 

Suddenly, he was jolted out of his sort of drowsy, thoughtless state when he heard the sound of footsteps and familiar voices approaching. The voices were calling his name. 

_Someone came looking for me. And they found me, by the looks of things._

Illumi lifted his head and turned it to see Hisoka, Chrollo, Gon and Killua headed directly toward him, all with equally concerned expressions on their faces. He grimaced. He didn’t really want to see any of them at the moment, he just wanted to be left alone. 

“Oh my goodness, Lu-chan, do you have any idea how worried we were starting to get?” Hisoka exclaimed, scoldingly. “We were honestly beginning to think you’d left the city altogether and that we’d never see you again!” 

“Go away.” Illumi mumbled, drawing his knees up to his chest and propping his chin up on them, trying to make it clear that he wasn’t moving any time soon. He noticed the way the two young boys held back and stayed a safe distance away, whereas Hisoka and Chrollo were all too eager to approach him. 

“Come now, Illumi, don’t be like that. Look at you, you’re shivering all over. You’ll wind up damaging your own health if you don’t come back with us.” Chrollo jumped in, his voice much more gentle than Hisoka’s. “I understand that you want to be left alone right now, but you can’t stay here.” 

“Yes, I can.” was Illumi’s stubborn response. “The more you two hover around me and try to convince me to go back, the less I actually want to comply.” 

Hisoka and Chrollo were silent for a moment, exchanging worried glances. It was clear neither of them really knew what to do. Fortunately, Killua was more than willing to step in, although he remained a safe distance away. He still didn’t entirely trust that his older brother was changing, but at the same time, he could clearly see that something was wrong. Terribly so. 

“Aniki! You do realize that staying out here is not good for you, right? You’ll freeze to death, or get extremely sick.” Killua called out, his voice cutting through the frigid air like a hot knife through butter. 

Illumi visibly flinched and returned his gaze to the ground in front of him. He knew he couldn’t say no to Killua, especially not if he actually wanted to have a close relationship with him like they did all those years ago. Illumi grimaced, considering his options, before deciding it was best he did as he was told. He slowly pushed himself to his feet, ignoring how stiff and achy his limbs had become just from the cold alone. 

“Alright, fine.” he said, tersely. 

“Excellent!” Hisoka clapped his hands together like an excited little kid. “Thank goodness we thought to bring your little brother along. Killua’s probably the only person on this planet who’s more stubborn than you, Illu-chan.” 

Illumi didn’t respond for a moment. He just stared at the ground as if he were being scolded, avoiding making eye contact with anyone present. Finally, he said, “I’m not really sure where I am.” 

“Good grief.” Chrollo rubbed his forehead in exasperation, shooting Hisoka a look of complete and utter disapproval. “It’s a good thing we were able to find you then, because there’s no way you would’ve been able to make it back by yourself.” 

On the long walk back to Heaven’s Arena, everyone noticed how Illumi walked as far behind the group as humanely possible. He had his arms wrapped around himself and his gaze riveted on the ground, ensuring that nobody could see his face. At one point, Chrollo intentionally hung back for the sake of trying to talk to the raven-haired Zoldyck, but it quickly became obvious Illumi was not interested in talking. The whole situation was both frustrating and incredibly sad. 

Once they made it back to Heaven’s Arena, Killua made an effort to just leave right away. Now that he’d seen to it that his brother was found, he wanted nothing more to do with these people. 

“Leaving already?” Hisoka asked, from where he stood just inside the tall skyscraper, holding the glass door open. “That’s a shame. I honestly thought you’d like to come in for a few minutes and warm up, maybe meet Saki...” 

“Who’s Saki?” Chrollo asked, from where he stood beside an abnormally silent Illumi. 

“Illumi’s puppy.” Hisoka responded, mechanically. 

“Um, no thank you. I appreciate the offer, but we really need to be going.” Killua stated, grabbing Gon’s hand and making an honest effort to leave. 

For the third time that day, Gon refused to budge. “A puppy? You didn’t say anything about there being a puppy.” he exclaimed, honey-brown eyes blown wide with surprise. 

Killua facepalmed. Hard. 

“She’s about three months old. Illumi and I have been looking after her as of late. She’s so well-behaved.” Hisoka shrugged, fully aware that he wasn’t helping the situation any. 

“Gon, let’s go.” Killua hissed, between gritted teeth. 

Gon shook his head stubbornly. “I’m not going anywhere until I get to see the puppy. You can go ahead and leave if you want, though, Killua.” 

“Like hell I’m gonna leave you by yourself with these people!” 

“That settles it, then. We’re not leaving yet.” 

“Are... are you serious?” Chrollo asked, glancing back and forth between the two boys. “You’re willing to enter one of the most dangerous buildings on the continent, accompanied by three of the most dangerous people on the planet... for a puppy?” 

“Chrollo, meet Gon. Of _course_ we’re sticking around for a puppy.” Killua seethed, practically dragging Gon into Heaven’s Arena by the hand, pushing past a very smug-looking Hisoka. 

“Aw, how sweet. They’re coming to visit my floor for the first time.” the magician mused, stretching one arm up against the glass doorframe and leaning against it. “I find it rather endearing that they’re staying, in all honesty. I think they’ll love Saki.” 

Killua scoffed and threw a venomous glare over his shoulder at Hisoka. “Remember what I said earlier, we aren’t sticking around for you!” 

“So feisty. Just like his brother.” Hisoka said, smiling broadly. 

“Gross. I wonder how Illumi puts up with your garbage as much as he does.” Chrollo grumbled, shuddering all over from disgust and making his way inside the skyscraper. 

It only took about seven more minutes from there to reach Hisoka’s floor. Throughout the entire journey up several flights of stairs, Illumi was still as quiet and disinterested in his surroundings as he had been when they found him. It was abnormal for him to be so unfocused. He was usually closely studying everything and everyone within view, taking in and memorizing every last detail in the odd event it would become useful information later on. 

During the trip upstairs, Chrollo decided to make conversation with the redheaded magician walking beside him because there were still a few things he didn’t really understand. 

“It’s almost painful, seeing him like that.” Chrollo muttered to Hisoka, his voice low enough that the assassin walking along several paces behind them wouldn’t hear. “I mean, he’s not usually cheerful by any means, but he’s usually a lot... brighter, I guess you could say. He just looks like a wilting flower now.” 

Hisoka hesitated for a moment before responding, “I’m worried about him. It’s clear he isn’t doing so great, but every time I get close enough to help him, he pushes me away.” 

“Your definition of helping someone and mine are two very different things.” Chrollo shot back, though he could tell from the unusual sincerity in Hisoka’s voice that something was definitely off about the whole situation. 

“I haven’t really made any sexual advances toward him, actually. Unless you count kissing.” 

“Kissing? Or making out?” 

“No, no. Just kissing.” 

“Holy shit, are you okay?” 

Hisoka chuckled a bit at the genuine shock in Chrollo’s voice. “I don’t know about that one, darling. Illumi’s bad for my heart.” 

“But you try to fuck everyone!” Chrollo squawked, throwing his arms up in an exasperated gesture. “Including me! And let’s not forget that the last time I visited, you wouldn’t stop making aggressively flirtatious comments to Illumi. I think it’s safe to say that you’re primarily driven by feral desires, whether it be fighting someone or having sex with them. I find it very difficult to believe you’ve changed any.” 

“Eh, you’re right. But something about Illumi’s different, you know. I’m not interested in using him like a plaything, though that’s what I usually do when I encounter people so absolutely enthralling.” Hisoka shrugged, turning to his left and advancing up yet another flight of stairs. He was mainly focusing on the soft sounds of Illumi’s footsteps behind him, making sure the young Zoldyck didn’t try to sneak away again. “I like him a lot. I think he’s perfect. And that’s saying something, because everyone has their flaws and things that make them oh, so boring. But not him. He’s... captivating.” 

Chrollo considered this for a moment before shaking his head in disbelief. “Out of all the people I’d expect you to fall for, Illumi’s perhaps the furthest thing from it. You two don’t really mix well.” 

“And that’s where you’re wrong, my dear.” Hisoka purred. He chose not to say anything else after that, making the rest of the way to the entrance to his floor in silence. 

Once they reached his floor, Hisoka only paused for long enough to unlock the door before walking inside, his strides long and purposeful. Chrollo was at his heels, followed immediately by Gon and Killua, who filed into the large living room with obvious apprehension in their eyes. There was a brief pause before Illumi appeared in the doorway as well. He didn’t come all the way into the room, though. It seemed he had gained a habit of just lurking in the doorway. 

“I’ll go get Saki.” Hisoka called out, but then he was nudged aside by a very familiar figure with porcelain skin and long, perfectly straight black hair. 

“No, let me do it.” Illumi said tersely, just before disappearing down the dimly lit hallway leading to the guest bedroom where the magician had left the small dog. 

“That’s her name, huh? Saki?” Killua asked, trying out the new word. 

“Yeah. Illumi named her himself. They seem to have bonded extremely well, it’s nigh on impossible to separate them nowadays.” Hisoka nodded his head enthusiastically, wandering into the kitchen to pour himself a glass of red wine. “Would anyone like anything to drink?” 

“I think we’re a little young for that.” Gon waved a hand dismissively, plopping down on the couch and crossing his legs neatly. 

“Such well-behaved children.” Chrollo cooed, reaching into his coat and pulling out a small book. 

“I still think we made a mistake in coming here.” Killua hissed to Gon, choosing to stand beside his friend rather than sitting next to him. “Baka.” 

“Calling me stupid never gets you anywhere, Killua. Besides, I haven’t seen a puppy in like, a week! This is crucial to my survival!” Gon replied, eyes glimmering with amusement. 

“Feh. I don’t really understand how my brother ended up with a puppy, of all creatures. He doesn’t really enjoy soft, fluffy things with an overabundance of energy. I imagine he’d have a hard time keeping up with a puppy.” the snowy-haired Zoldyck sighed, folding his arms indignantly and tilting his chin upward ever so slightly. “If it was up to me, I’d deny even being related to him.” 

Killua’s large, slanted blue eyes wandered the room freely, taking in every last detail. The room itself was surprisingly clean and well-decorated, contrary to how he expected it to be. He had no idea Hisoka was capable of keeping such a nice living space as this. But... it wasn’t all perfect and comfortable. Killua’s eyes landed on some small droplets of dried blood staining the floor, leading from the hallway to the front door. The droplets were still crimson rather than browned from age, proving that they were fairly fresh. Someone had gotten hurt in here. Recently. 

Killua briefly wondered if it had anything to do with the deep cuts on his older brother’s hands. The cuts themselves also looked fresh, though they hadn’t been bleeding for quite some time because all the blood surrounding the lacerations was dried out. 

“Ne, Hisoka?” Killua called out, deciding it was best to figure out exactly what had happened to Illumi’s hands. “My Aniki’s hands were all sliced up. I didn’t say anything because I knew I wouldn’t get a straight answer from him. Care to tell me what caused those?” 

“Oh, that’s easy. He punched a mirror. Poor thing’s grown to dislike his reflection so much that he couldn’t stand the sight of it.” Hisoka replied, wandering back into the living area with a glass of wine in hand. 

“Speaking of Illumi, I thought he was just going to get his dog. He’s been gone an awful long time. I’m tempted to go check and see if he’s okay.” Chrollo remarked, turning a page in his book and continuing to read with that same expression of motherly concern on his face. 

“No, don’t.” Killua suddenly interjected, drawing every pair of eyes in the room to him. “I know Illumi. The only reason he pushed past the creep earlier is because he wants a moment to himself. He’ll come back, don’t worry. He knows what he’s doing... I think.” 

“Ne, Killua.” Gon poked Killua’s side to get his attention. “I know that you and your brother have a pretty tough history with each other, but... based off everything I heard today... he’s starting to sound a lot less like a manipulative monster and more like how you were when you first ran away from your family. Try not to be too mean to him, okay? Maybe he’s changed.” 

“I understand that he’s been acting weird. I mean, he’s never so quiet and numb to what’s going on around him like that. But at the same time, I refuse to believe he’s changed for the better until I see it with my own eyes. Until then, I reserve the right to hate him.” Killua responded, bluntly. _Despite the fact he wasn’t hurting me just because he could, despite the fact he was only trying to protect me... I’m not going to forgive him until I see an example of this positive change everyone seems to see in him. His intentions may have been pure, but that doesn’t automatically undo the years I’ve spent thinking he’d betrayed me._

Several more minutes passed with no sign of Illumi. Hisoka and Chrollo were chattering idly to pass the time, while Gon and Killua just kinda hung around in silence, occasionally exchanging glances, communicating with each other without speaking. It was a well-known fact that the two boys knew each other so well that they could practically read each other’s minds. 

Eventually, Illumi did emerge from the hallway with a bundle of dark, wriggling brown fur in his arms. His hands were wrapped up in gauze bandaging, concealing the nasty cuts slashed cruelly along his porcelain skin. He intentionally avoided looking directly at Killua, choosing instead to sit down right where he was on the floor, crisscrossing his legs and putting the bundle of fur down in front of him. 

“This is Saki.” he said, his voice abnormally soft and stricken, as the little puppy sprang to her feet and started bounding around the room on stocky little legs, eager to meet all the new people in the room. “She’s a bit frisky, and she really likes to lick people’s faces, so if you don’t want her to do that, hold her at arm’s length.” 

“Awwwww!” Gon was immediately on the floor, letting Saki sniff his hand before gathering her up in his arms and petting her soft, fluffy head. “She’s so cute! I love her!” 

“Where did you find her?” Killua asked, cautiously sliding down to the floor beside Gon so he could say hello to the puppy as well. 

“Hisoka found her, actually, and brought her home with him. We suspect her previous owner abandoned her because it’s my understanding that she was out on the streets, completely and utterly alone.” Illumi replied, folding his hands neatly in his lap, still avoiding making any sort of direct eye contact with his little brother. 

“Huh. Her eyes kind of look like mine.” Killua pointed out, tilting his head to one side and lightly stroking Saki’s back. Her fur was so soft to the touch. 

“I know.” Illumi sighed, hunching forward ever so slightly and nervously playing with the end of a strand of black hair draped over his shoulder. 

There was a sort of loneliness and longing in his usually monotonous, cold voice that Killua found himself strongly identifying with. It was the same loneliness he had felt for the first couple months after he stabbed Kikyo and Milluki and ran away, with the intent of never returning. It was almost disturbing, how similar their situations had become. 

_This is the example of change that I was looking for. Holy shit, I think he’s actually coming to his senses and realizing that our parents are bloody awful! Finally!_

“She’s beautiful. I like her a lot.” Killua finally said, after a long moment of silence. “Do you spend a lot of time with her?” 

“Yeah. Hisoka says I treat her less like my dog and more like my daughter.” the slightest hint of an amused smile touched Illumi’s face. It wasn’t even a full expression, less a smile and more a glimmer in his usually empty black eyes. “I just like having her around. She’s wonderful.” 

Chrollo, Hisoka and Gon had fallen silent simply out of respect for the fact that this was the most Killua and Illumi had talked in years without some sort of hostile context. They didn’t want to interrupt a potentially life-changing moment for the two brothers, especially if it meant they’d be more friendly and close in the future. It was important that they started having normal conversations like this. 

“Huh. You know, I almost wish Mike was soft and harmless like this. Woulda been nice to have an affectionate animal around the house while I was living there.” Killua said, watching as Saki wriggled and squirmed around in Gon’s grasp until he took the hint and let her go. Once she got her feet under her, she waddled over to Illumi, pink tongue lolling out of her mouth. “Our parents trained Mike themselves, didn’t they?” 

“Father did. Mother’s never liked Mike, so I doubt she had any part in his upbringing.” Illumi shrugged, moving his hands so Saki could curl up in his lap. He threaded his long, slender fingers through her soft fur absentmindedly, totally engrossed in his conversation with his brother. “He’s less an animal and more a sentinel, I think.” 

“Makes sense. Well, it’s getting late and I honestly think Gon and I should get going now. We’re trying to finish up a sort of treasure-hunting job someone was offering to any licensed Hunters in this area, but it shouldn’t take us long because we’re pretty close to figuring out the exact location of the jewel our client wants. Once we’re finished with that, we’ll... we’ll come back and visit.” Killua said, hesitantly. 

_“Whoa.”_ Gon twisted to look at his best friend with wide eyes. “Who are you and what have you done with Killua? Just a few minutes ago, you were so eager to leave!” 

“Well... My father’s currently on a mission to bring Aniki back home, and... I know that if I were in his position, I’d want some sort of support. I’d be a pathetic excuse for a brother if I just left him to deal with this all by himself.” Killua replied, his voice soft and thoughtful. “Thanks for letting us stop by. It’s okay if we come back within the next three or four days, right?” he added, glancing over his shoulder at Hisoka, who was still casually sipping his wine as if absolutely nothing was wrong with the world at the moment. 

“Of course. My little fruits are always welcome to visit me whenever they want.” Hisoka said, with a cheeky grin. 

“Gross. C’mon, Gon, let’s get out of here.” Killua scoffed, pushing himself to his feet. 

“Oh. I guess we’re leaving, then. See you guys later!” Gon called over his shoulder, making his way toward the front door with Killua at his heels. 

Dead silence fell over the room once the two boys were gone, broken only by the soft rustling sounds caused by Chrollo turning pages in his book every so often. 

A few moments passed, before perhaps the most miraculous thing in the world happened. 

Illumi actually _smiled._ And it wasn’t a cold, sadistic smile, either. It was genuine. For just a moment, he looked more beautiful and radiant than ever before. 

“Kil talked to me. He actually talked to me.” Illumi stated, simply. 

“I take it that hasn’t happened in a little while, huh?” Hisoka asked, tilting his head to one side and smiling fondly at the ravenet. 

Illumi shook his head no, seeming to realize he’d abandoned his impassive mask for a second there. His smile faded and he cleared his throat before saying, “I’m just glad that... well... he doesn’t seem to hate me as much as I thought he did.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Oh lord. 7k words of fluff mixed with angst. I almost can't believe I pulled this one off, not gonna lie. I wrote this chapter over the span of three days, taking about an hour to thirty minutes each day to work on it. Naturally, because I went so fast, it's probably riddled with errors so please excuse those. I spent the better part of an hour proofreading this mess, but it's so long that there's a pretty good chance I missed a few things.
> 
> Thanks so much for reading! Any comments/kudos would be very much appreciated! Take care!
> 
> BEWARE, THE NEXT CHAPTER OF THIS STORY IS GOING TO BE EXTREMELY DARK AND INTENSE. READ AT YOUR OWN DISCRETION.


	10. The Uninvited Guest

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> TRIGGER WARNING FOR: the effects of brainwashing, graphic violence, sadistic behavior on Hisoka's part, and two major fight scenes.

Illumi wasn’t really sure exactly what woke him up in the middle of the night.

Maybe it was the soft thud he heard outside the closet he was occupying. Maybe it was the overwhelming sensation that there was someone in the immediate vicinity that didn’t belong there.

Either way, Illumi knew something was wrong.

He silently reached into a hidden pocket on his shirt, retrieving three golden-headed needles from within and gripping them tightly. Slowly but surely, he unfolded himself from the tight little ball he’d been curled into and slid off the shelf to the floor. His feet touched the ground soundlessly, exactly as he’d been trained. Saki was asleep on the ground, snuggled into a blanket he’d swiped from Hisoka’s room so she had somewhere to sleep comfortably. Illumi had to step around her tiny body to avoid crushing her on accident. He pushed the closet door open and stepped out before closing it behind him, pressing his forearm against it to prevent it from making any sound.

He found an especially dark expanse of floor near the opposite wall of the hallway and stepped into it, seeming to melt into the shadows and disappear. Keeping his movements as subtle and imperceptible as possible, he made his way down the pitch-black corridor to the main room.

It was so quiet that the silence was deafening. Through the large windows along the righthand wall of the large room, Illumi could see the ivory balcony and the seemingly infinite black sky outside. The moon was full, haloed in a chromatic white light that turned the sky around it shades of obsidian purple. Silvery-white moonlight spilled onto the wooden floor through the windows, dimly illuminating the room in such a way that everything was just barely visible, and yet everything looked ten times more ominous than usual because of the long, black shadows they cast across the floor and walls.

Illumi hesitated at the end of the hallway, keeping carefully to the shadows. If he stepped out into the main room, he’d be extremely visible. He wasn’t ready to reveal his presence just yet. He could tell from the way the front door was busted wide open that someone had broken in. There was definitely someone in this main room that didn’t need to be there, and Illumi was determined to figure out exactly who it was and kill them before they realized he was present.

All of a sudden, a huge, lumbering figure stepped out into the open from just outside Illumi’s view. The figure was absolutely massive, with an extremely muscular frame, well-tanned, aging skin, and a long, thick mane of silver hair that cascaded down to his shoulders.

Illumi stiffened and sucked in a breath.

_Father._

Silva Zoldyck was an absolutely terrifying brute of a man, with steely blue eyes, a sharply defined, squarish face, and a hulking figure that placed him several inches taller than even Illumi, who was known to be fairly tall.

But he was also the man who had tortured his eldest son, brainwashed him, broken him beyond repair.

Seeing Silva again for the first time since he’d left home caused a pit of terror and helplessness to open up in Illumi’s chest. He knew he couldn’t fight his father. Maybe if he just kept his presence concealed like this, he could sneak off to a more appropriate hiding place.

“I know you’re there, Son.” Silva’s voice as low and deep as the distant rumble of thunder reached Illumi’s ears before he could take a single step back. “Why don’t you stop slinking around and come out where I can see you?”

Illumi’s mind went blank. _That voice... I can’t disobey that voice..._

His body was already moving on his own before he could stop and think about what he was doing. He took one step out of the shadows, then another and another, his head lowered and his needles clasped harmlessly between his hands. He couldn’t think anymore. All he cared about at the moment was following orders. His father’s orders were absolute.

_I must comply._

“Ah, there you are. Pray, tell me: why were you hiding from me? You’re fully aware that I knew you were there all along, right?” Silva asked, folding his thick arms across his broad, muscular chest and giving his son an obvious look of disapproval.

“Yes, Father. Forgive me, it won’t happen again.” Illumi said, his voice hollow and mechanical.

_Comply. Do as you’re told, and nothing bad will happen to you._

Silva nodded a couple times, pretending to consider what he’d just heard for a moment. “And... you defied a direct order to come home, did you not? What on earth were you thinking?”

Illumi was silent for a moment. Some small part of him wanted to protest, wanted to insist that he wasn’t ready to be locked away in the dark again. He knew that, if he went back, he would continue to lose pieces of himself until he was little more than a mindless robot, mechanically following orders with inhuman precision. But the rest of him was too far gone to fight back.

“I... I don’t know what I was thinking. I am deeply sorry.”

“I know you are, Son. But you do understand that you will need to be punished for your transgressions, right?”

“Yes, Father.”

“Good. Now, let’s go home.”

All of a sudden, an achingly familiar voice cut through the air, coming from the hallway directly behind Illumi.

“Oh, hi, Illumi’s Dad! Care to explain what you’re doing on my floor? I don’t recall inviting you.”

_Hisoka?_ For a moment, just a moment, Illumi was able to think again. He glanced over his shoulder, abysmal black eyes meeting glittering amber so vivid and bright they were almost glowing.

But then SIlva spoke again, and Illumi was lost.

“I don’t need to explain myself to scum like you. The way I see it, you’ve been damaging my son and keeping him from returning home like he was supposed to.” Silva rumbled, his voice dropping to a dangerously low tone that Illumi recognized as murderous. Silva was not above fighting and killing Hisoka in this moment, and that was truly terrifying. Illumi shivered a little.

“He actually made the decision to stay with me all on his own. I had nothing to do with it. However, I am more than willing to give him a safe place to stay. I don’t really blame him for wanting to hide from you.” Hisoka said, leaning up against the wall and grinning from ear to ear as if this was little more than a game to him. “I mean no offense, but... you’ve been a terrible father.”

“No, it’s fine.” Illumi suddenly interjected, unable to bear the thought of watching Silva rip apart his first... no, his _only_ friend right in front of him. “I’m sorry, I need to go home now.”

Hisoka blinked a couple times. Illumi’s voice and body language were so very... mechanical. It was almost as if Illumi’s soul had somehow broken out of his body, leaving behind an empty husk that only knew one thing and one thing only: obedience. Mindless, unquestioning obedience stemming from one-sided loyalty to people that didn’t care about him at all.

“Illu-chan, do you have any idea what you’re saying right now?” Hisoka asked, tilting his head to one side and regarding the raven-haired assassin with concern.

No response.

_Shit. He’s a lot more brainwashed than I thought he was. There’s gotta be something about Silva that’s keeping Illumi completely under his control._ Hisoka realized, turning his attention to the man standing in front of Illumi.

“See? He wants to come home. We’ll be going now. Please bear in mind that you’ll never see my son again. I’m going to make sure that he’s kept as far away from you as possible.” Silva said, a triumphant glimmer in his steely blue eyes. He turned and started for the door, pausing every so often to make sure Illumi was following him.

Illumi took one step toward his father, then another and another. But before he could take a fourth step, strong arms wrapped around his waist and he was quite suddenly dragged backward. Illumi’s eyes widened and he immediately reacted, twisting around and going to stick whoever had grabbed him with needles. But, for the first time in his life, he wasn’t fast enough. Something hard slammed into the back of his head and he slumped over backward, unconscious.

“That’s annoying. He’s gonna wind up with a terrible headache later.” Hisoka remarked, catching Illumi’s limp figure before he hit the ground and gently lowering him to the floor. “I just can’t believe that he even manages to fall gracefully. What even is that?”

“You dare to put your hands on my son like that!” all of a sudden, Silva was storming toward Hisoka at incredible speed, bristling with fury.

“Oh, shit.” Hisoka quickly sprang forward so he was standing over Illumi’s unconscious form protectively, flicking out his deck of cards from the front pocket of his pants. “I’m gonna have to ask you to stop right there. It’s hilarious that you think you have a right to break into my floor and try to take something that obviously belongs to me. Whether you’re a freakishly rich, terrifying Zoldyck or not, that’s just rude.”

“You talk too much.” Silva assumed an open-handed fighting stance, his Nen suddenly flaring up as two glowing purple balls of pure energy formed in his heavily scarred palms.

Hisoka’s eyes narrowed at the feeling of the Zoldyck’s powerful aura filling the room, so thick and vast that it was almost suffocating. “Oooooh, you’re a Transmuter! I am too, so... this should be fun.” the magician purred, taking a couple steps forward so he was no longer standing directly over Illumi’s prone figure on the floor. His own aura began to pulsate, snaking out from his body in tendrils. “However, I don’t really think it’s a good idea to kill you right now, although I would love to.”

“And why is that?” Silva raised one thick, silvery eyebrow in surprise. “Scared you’ll lose?”

“Oh, goodness, no. Me? Scared of losing a fight? Never.” Hisoka scoffed. “I just know that if I killed you, it would greatly upset Illumi and I don’t want to do that, so... how about we settle things with a friendly competition instead? If I can knock you off your feet, you have to leave. If you knock me off my feet, you can have Illumi back and I won’t follow you until at least twenty-four hours have passed.”

“And what’s stopping me from killing you right now?”

“You’re a Zoldyck, aren’t you? Though you may be stuck-up and full of yourself, you do have something of a twisted moral compass. You don’t take lives without good reason to, whether it be for money or for the greater good of the world. As such, I know you can’t deny an offer to avoid bloodshed because I’ve done absolutely nothing that merits ending my life.” Hisoka began rocking back and forth on the balls of his feet, trying to contain his excitement at the prospect of fighting the mighty head of the Zoldyck family.

A frown crossed Silva’s otherwise stone-set face. He didn’t like that this pest had figured him out so easily. It was probably from all the time Hisoka had spent with Illumi. Silva’s cold blue eyes left his opponent for a moment to trace over the outline of his son’s body. Illumi’s hair was strewn out around his head like spilt ink, contrasting starkly against his deathly pale skin. It would’ve been a beautiful sight if not for the fact Silva was beginning to realize his son was a lot more defective than he had first thought. How... _sickening._

“Fine, then.” Silva said, as his eyes met Hisoka’s. “I accept your challenge. Do we fight with or without Nen?”

“You must be even more senile than I thought if you think I’m stupid enough to give up the usage of my Nen.” Hisoka replied, evenly. His conniving smile was a lot more ominous than before. It was almost as if this deeply serious matter was little more than a game to him. Silva didn’t like that. “Let’s get started, shall we?”

The moment those words left Hisoka’s lips, Silva was already charging. The two spheres of crackling purple energy in his palms suddenly expanded, tripling in size. His movements were surprisingly quick, but not nearly as quick as Illumi’s. Unfortunately, his height and his muscular figure were slowing him down. The moment he flung his Nen manifestations at Hisoka, the magician disappeared.

Silva’s Nen orbs careened into the wall and exploded there, forming a bright white light that radiated pure energy and caused the floor to shake from the impact. All of a sudden, Hisoka came running out of nowhere, flinging three of his cards directly at the massive Zoldyck. Silva anticipated this movement, twisting to one side and jumping out of the way to avoid being hit. The cards whistled by his head and embedded themselves into the wall on his left side, harmlessly. Even as they did, the two Nen masters were advancing toward each other again.

Silva kept making attempts to take Hisoka out with his Nen orbs. But Hisoka was much too fast, dodging these deadly attacks with ease. That was the one flaw in Silva’s technique. He was a Transmuter, not a Manipulator. As such, the moment his Nen orbs left his palms, he couldn’t change their trajectory. They could only move in the direction they’d been set to follow upon being thrown. That made it slightly easier for Hisoka to predict where they’d land and get out of their way before they could get there. It was a small weakness, but the magician was all about exploiting weaknesses.

_Why isn’t he using his Nen?_ Silva wondered, as he pivoted sharply to his right to avoid a dangerously accurate card attack from Hisoka. _I’ve been using mine in copious amounts, and yet he doesn’t seem interested in responding in kind. What is he up to?_

Hisoka let out a high-pitched peal of laughter as he managed to evade yet another pair of purple Nen orbs. “All you’ve managed to do so far is form cracks in the walls of my home! I haven’t got a single scratch on me!” he taunted, twirling his cards between his fingers faster than the eye could follow. “Seems your son has a lot more potential than you do. Illumi would’ve scored a hit on me by now.”

Silva let out a roar of fury. If Hisoka really wanted a more physical fight, that’s exactly what he was gonna get. The silver-haired Zoldyck was actually looking forward to the prospect of beating this pesky redhead into the floor with his bare fists.

_He’s going to regret challenging me to a fight like this. He’s even dumber than he looks if he thinks I’ll allow him to take my eldest child that easily._

Moving with inhuman speed, Silva sprang forward and swung one massive fist at Hisoka’s face in a perfectly executed right hook punch. This time, Hisoka actually seemed a little surprised by this sudden move. He twisted to avoid it, but turned the wrong way and wound up having to throw his arms up to block the attack instead. Silva’s fist slammed into the magician’s crossed forearms with brutal, bone-shattering force, knocking him back several paces. Hisoka didn’t lose his footing, though. He had intended for all of this to happen. If he could just bait Silva into throwing kicks at him...

Thinking quickly, Hisoka spun around and threw four cards at the middle-aged man. The first thudded into Silva’s massive shoulder, while the other three missed entirely. This was exactly how Hisoka toyed with his opponents and baited them into doing exactly what he wanted. He loved getting their hopes up by allowing them to land hits on him, acting like their actions were too much for him.

Even though this fight wasn’t to the death, Hisoka was still immensely enjoying himself. It was rare that he got a taste of the raw power the Zoldycks exhibited.

Silva threw three more punches at Hisoka, each one containing enough strength and force to send an ordinary person flying several feet backwards. Hisoka blocked one like he’d done before and dodged the other two, dancing around the room with an odd sort of grace he’d gleaned from years and years of practice.

_He is using his Nen, actually. But he’s using strings of it to reinforce his bones so they don’t break. How... unorthodox._ Silva internally scoffed. He’d been using Gyo for the duration of this fight, intent on catching the exact moment Hisoka decided to attack with his Nen. However, it seemed Hisoka was determined to play a defensive role. _Idiot. He’ll soon learn how unsafe it is to allow a Zoldyck to maintain a more offensive position._

It was at that moment that Silva made the mistake of throwing a kick directly at Hisoka’s chest. Instead of blocking the harsh blow, Hisoka instead grabbed Silva’s ankle, passing it off to one side. All of a sudden, Silva saw through his Gyo that the magician had attached a pinkish-white string of Nen to his ankle. The moment Silva’s foot touched the ground, Hisoka flicked his wrist. The small motion, harmless though it was, caused the string of Nen around Silva’s ankle to pull taut, yanking his feet right out from under him with supernatural strength. As the silver-haired Zoldyck crashed to the floor on his back, Hisoka placed one hand on his hip and grinned triumphantly.

“Well, looks like I win. I think it’s time you leave.”

Silva was on his feet in an instant, hissing under his breath when he noticed the thin string of Bungee Gum was still wound around his ankle. “Remove this.”

“Not until you’re out the door. Though you may think you’re a fair person and all that, nothing’s stopping you from killing me right now so I’m not taking any chances.” Hisoka replied, evenly.

He waited patiently, tapping one foot against the floor, as Silva gathered himself and left. But before he started off down the hallway, he turned to face the magician and said, “I’ll be back. Mark my words.”

“I’d be lying if I said I wasn’t looking forward to it. Have a good night!” Hisoka waved cheerfully as the massive Zoldyck disappeared from sight. Once Hisoka was certain Silva was a safe distance away, he called back his Nen, releasing Silva from his Bungee Gum. Satisfied that everything had been taken care of, Hisoka turned around and took in the state of his floor.

There were a few cracks running along the walls from the force of Silva’s Nen, and a few different hardcover books had fallen out of the bookcase, strewn messily across the floor. All in all, it wasn’t too terrible. The walls could be mended over with a little Texture Surprise, and the books could be picked up and put back on their respective shelves.

As for Hisoka himself, he wasn’t in too bad a shape. His arms were bruising up from blocking Silva’s powerful blows, but other than that, he was doing fine. He was a little disappointed that he hadn’t been able to fight Silva to the death, but... at least Illumi was safe for the time being.

Speaking of Illumi...

Hisoka glanced at the slender figure on the floor. Coincidentally, Illumi seemed to be coming around. He stirred a bit, his eyes slowly opening and focusing on the ceiling above his head.

“How on earth did I end up on the floor?” Illumi wondered.

Hisoka wanted to facepalm. “I’m guessing you have no recollection of everything that just came to pass. Are you alright, at least?” he asked, moving to kneel beside the young Zoldyck, who blinked at him in confusion.

“I do. Sort of. It’s still a bit fuzzy, though, so you might have to remind me what happened. I’ve no idea why, but my head hurts, too.” Illumi said, making an honest effort to sit up. Hisoka stopped him, placing a hand against his shoulder and pushing him back down.

“I had to knock you unconscious, darling, you might not want to move around right away. Stay down for a bit, at least until your head feels a little better.” Hisoka tilted his head to one side, his hand lingering against the soft, expensive fabric of Illumi’s shirt. “Man, your father’s strong. I’d love to have an actual fight with him one of these days.”

“My father?” Illumi’s eyes went so wide they were in danger of popping out of their sockets. “He was here?”

“Unfortunately, yes. That’s why I had to knock you out in the first place, you wouldn’t stop trying to go home with him. He was hellbent on taking you back, and I didn’t want him to. Did his mother ever teach him to stay away from things that don’t belong to him?” Hisoka wondered, completely oblivious to the fact Illumi was absolutely mortified.

“Oh my god.” Illumi groaned, covering his face with both hands and drawing his knees up so they were touching his abdomen. “What have I done?”

“Hmm?” Hisoka finally noticed how distressed the young assassin was and frowned. “What do you mean, Lu-chan? You didn’t do anything. I was the one who challenged Silva to a little friendly competition and made him go away. If anything, he’s got a grudge against me, not you. You’ve got nothing to worry about.”

“You had to knock me out, didn’t you? Under any other circumstance, I should’ve been able to anticipate your movement and kill you before you could so much as lay a finger on me.” Illumi explained, peeking at the magician from between his fingers. His large black eyes were abnormally beady and filled with horror. “How could I have allowed myself to appear so weak in front of my father? Of all the bloody bastards who could’ve walked in and seen me like this, why’d it have to be him?”

Realization dawned on Hisoka and he immediately started shaking his head no. “It’s alright, Illumi, Silva seemed too angry with me to pay much attention to you. And besides, you weren’t acting like yourself in that moment. You seemed less like a human and more like... I dunno... a robot. You were deadset on following the new order you’d been given, which just so happened to be returning home.” He gently slid his hands under Illumi’s head, lifting it up slightly and placing it in his lap. Illumi cringed a little at the touch, but didn’t pull away. He even allowed Hisoka to lightly comb his fingers through extremely long, shimmering black strands of hair, smoothing out any tangles he found. “It’s not really your fault, you know. My guess is that you had absolutely no idea what you were doing.”

Illumi sighed heavily and closed his eyes. He only had vague, fuzzy scraps of memory from the incident that had just come to pass. He remembered being absolutely terrified but so very numb at the same time, unable to process anything he was seeing or hearing outside of that voice. That deep, painfully familiar voice that made Illumi feel so cold and empty inside, as if there was nothing beneath his skin except black ice. He also remembered being suddenly jolted out of his brainwashed thought process by Hisoka’s voice. The abrupt relief only lasted for a second, though. Silva must've started talking again after that.

“I don’t like it.” Illumi said, staring up into Hisoka’s glittering amber eyes. “He’s gonna come back. I don’t think I’ll be able to avoid going home if this keeps up.”

“I’m more than capable of protecting you, ya know.” Hisoka smiled knowingly and ran his fingers through Illumi’s hair once more, twirling the strands between his fingers. “So long as you stay where I can see you, you’ll be fine.”

“And how exactly did you make my father leave?” Illumi raised one eyebrow, doing his absolute best to ignore the pleasant sensation of Hisoka’s fingertips tracing random patterns on his scalp.

“A simple competition. Whoever knocked their opponent off their feet first got what they wanted, essentially. As you can tell by the stunning lack of relatives in the room, I won.” Hisoka grinned. “He did leave me with some bruises, though. They aren’t too terrible, probably won’t take longer than a week to heal up entirely.”

“Bold of you to assume I need protection.” Illumi suddenly pushed Hisoka away and sat bolt upright, seeming to have completely forgotten about his head injury. “I don’t think you’re in a good position to claim you can do such a thing. You’re lucky, you know. If not for the fact you reinforce your bones and major joints with your Nen, I guarantee you that my father would’ve left you with a lot more than just a couple nasty bruises.”

“But he didn’t, and I’m not gonna stop using my Nen defensively during combat. You’ve got nothing to worry about. Because I’m both smaller and faster than your father, the abnormal damage resistance gives me a bit of an advantage over him.” Hisoka replied, looking at his fingernails with fake modesty. “Even if he could’ve killed me, I would still wind up fighting him somehow.”

“That’s exactly your problem. You carelessly launch yourself into battles you don’t know if you can win, and you treat all of it like some stupid game. I think the worst part of it is that you’re proud of it. You don’t regret a single moment of it.” Illumi scoffed, standing up and dusting himself off. His black eyes were flashing with anger, something that Hisoka had never seen happen before. It was both interesting and worrying at the same time.

Slowly, Hisoka pushed himself to a standing position. At his full height, he was an inch or two taller than the raven-haired assassin, and quite a bit broader in the shoulders, arms and torso. While Illumi was composed of lean muscle, Hisoka was built with a much more prominent, intimidating physique.

“I’m not gonna change my ways, you know. You can’t exactly be angry with me for doing exactly what I’ve been doing since before we even met.” Hisoka reasoned, spreading his hands helplessly. “I like to fight people like your father. People who have the potential to entertain me and satiate my desire to challenge anyone stronger than or equal to in strength as me.”

“That’s what bothers me most about you. At the end of the day, the only person you really care about is yourself and your own selfish desires. You probably didn’t even think about what would happen to me if my father killed you, which was and still is extremely probable.” Illumi turned and started making his way toward the towel closet, bristling with fury.

Hisoka anticipated the movement and cut in front of Illumi, blocking the entrance to the hallway before he could get there. “I’m afraid I can’t just let you run off and hide just yet, darling.”

All of a sudden, faster than the eye could follow, Illumi flicked a needle out of his pocket and pointed it directly at the magician’s throat. “You’d do well to get out of my way.” he growled, voice dangerously low.

“Are... Are you threatening me?” Hisoka’s eyes narrowed slightly. He hadn’t been expecting this, but he also wasn’t afraid to respond in kind. He was already picturing all the ways he could violently dismember the ravenet standing in front of him.

“Yes. Move.”

“Ah, I almost wish I had figured out a way to make you this angry sooner. I love it when you look at me that way.” Hisoka hummed, producing what was left of his deck of cards from his own pocket. He only had about half the deck left (the others were either embedded in the walls of the main room or strewn out across the floor,) but that was more than enough to suffice. “But I’m not letting you go anywhere until you explain exactly why you’re taking your frustrations with your father out on me. I just helped ensure your safety for the rest of the night at least, and you repay me by threatening me with those lovely needles of yours.”

“I don’t think you’re taking this very seriously. I don’t need nor do I want your protection. Get that through your thick skull.” was Illumi’s blunt response.

“Illumi. You were dangerously close to returning home with your father, which is something you’ve told me more than once that you absolutely do not want to do. What makes you think you’re capable of protecting yourself from the extent of your own brainwashing without outside help?” Hisoka asked, trying to keep his tone even and unwavering. He recognized both the fear and the uncertainty behind Illumi’s words, and somehow understood fully that Illumi was afraid of losing him.

Illumi hesitated. It seemed he couldn’t come up with an adequate response to that, so he finally lowered his needle. “Fine. I guess I’ll just sleep on the couch or something, since you aren’t gonna let me through any time soon.”

As he made his way back into the living room, Hisoka couldn’t resist the urge to call after him, “It’s a shame, really. You can’t even admit that you’re so angry right now because you’re afraid of something bad happening to me.”

That was the straw that broke the camel’s back.

Faster than lightning, Illumi whirled around and flung his needle right at Hisoka’s face. If not for the magician’s incredible reflexes, he probably would’ve been killed. He caught the needle out of the air, craning his neck to one side as he did. But by that time, Illumi was already on the move again. He had a set of four needles clenched between his fingers, each one shimmering in the dim moonlight that filled the room, menacing toward Hisoka so quickly that he appeared to flicker in and out of existence like some sort of enraged spirit.

“Oh. I see how it is, then.” Hisoka shrugged, before rushing forward and making an honest attempt to pin Illumi’s hands behind his back. As far as Hisoka was concerned, Illumi’s hands were the most dangerous part of him. So long as he wasn’t able to reach for more needles, he could be restrained. However, that didn’t mean the rest of him wouldn’t pose any problems, either.

Illumi anticipated Hisoka’s sudden movement and leaped out of the way with almost inhuman speed and grace, whirling around and throwing two needles in rapid succession. The first was aimed at Hisoka’s chest, the other at his skull. Either one would kill him should they meet their mark. But the redheaded magician was too stubborn and quick-witted to let that happen. He pivoted sharply to one side to avoid the first needle and ducked under the second, allowing both to sail past him harmlessly. However, Illumi’s Nen type just so happened to be Manipulation, so it didn’t surprise Hisoka at all when the two needles turned right back around in mid-air and tried to impale him once more.

Hisoka flung a single card out, managing to knock both needles off their current trajectory. Satisfied that they were no longer a threat, he returned his attention to the young assassin in the middle of the room.

“If you take so much as one more step, I’ll kill you. I swear I’ll kill you.” Illumi hissed, between clenched teeth. He was quivering ever so slightly, making it obvious that he really didn’t want to make good on his threats.

“You’re not the type to just fly off the handle and get so angry like this, darling. Something’s definitely not right here.” Hisoka replied, evenly.

His heart was racing with excitement. He almost couldn’t believe his luck. He was getting to fight two of the most powerful Zoldycks in history, one after the other. But at the same time, he wanted so badly to curb his excitement. He knew that, if he allowed himself to indulge in this fight, he’d probably wind up killing Illumi. Hisoka was surprised to find that he didn’t want that. He had to figure out a safe way to incapacitate the assassin without causing either of them any permanent damage. Given the fact Illumi was capable of bending any and every object in the room to his will whenever he pleased, that would make everything a lot more complicated (this was something not many people knew about Illumi. Just when you thought he’d run out of needles, he’d start using his Nen to manipulate random objects in the room, turning them into deadly weapons.)

Hisoka bent backwards to avoid a third needle that sailed over his head and thudded into the wall behind him, only to straighten out again and run at Illumi again. Naturally, this didn’t work very well. Illumi was trained to move in all sorts of ways just to avoid allowing his opponent to touch him. He spun one direction, and then another, his fingernails elongating into claws and slashing at Hisoka’s wrists viciously. The bandages that had been wound tightly around the healing cuts on Illumi’s hands had come loose, hanging off in strips, partially revealing the nasty scabs that hadn’t quite finished forming over the wounds.

He flung his last needle out before going to retrieve another one, dancing out of Hisoka’s reach as he did. But Hisoka wasn’t the kind to allow an opportunity like this to slip by him. The moment Illumi’s hands went for another needle, Hisoka tackled him, using their difference in size and build against Illumi. Although the young assassin was strong, he couldn’t withstand the full force of Hisoka’s body weight driving against him so suddenly, so he wound up falling on his back with Hisoka on top of him, straddling his waist.

Illumi’s eyes widened ever so slightly and he immediately began struggling, twisting around and trying to flip their positions. But Hisoka wouldn’t allow that to happen. He fumbled around with the assassin until he managed to catch his wrists, pinning them high above Illumi’s head. It was at that point that Illumi realized he had lost, and immediately stopped struggling.

They stayed like that for a moment, both panting slightly from exertion and staring at each other expectantly, waiting for someone to say something. Hisoka nearly got lost in the hypnotic effect Illumi's abysmal black eyes had.

Finally, Illumi said, “If you’re going to kill me, just get it over with.”

Hisoka almost choked on his own saliva. He was not expecting that. “I’m sorry, what?”

“I attacked you with lethal force. Thus, killing me now would not only be fair but considered an act of self-defense.” was Illumi’s even response.

“I’m not going to kill you.” Hisoka shook his head, but Illumi wasn’t finished rambling yet.

“It’s only fair that you protect yourself by eliminating the threat altogether. My mother always told me that if I attack someone and they get the better of me, I must allow them to kill me without fighting back otherwise I bring dishonor to the Zoldycks’ good name, and-…"

“God _damnit,_ Illumi, I’m not going to kill you!” Hisoka interjected, pressing Illumi’s wrists hard against the floor in an attempt to shut him up. Illumi seemed to get it finally and fell silent. “It would be extremely wasteful of me to get rid of a talented creature like you. I appreciate your honesty, but at the same time, it is up to me whether I kill you or not.”

Illumi blinked a couple times before nodding compliantly. “I suppose so.”

It was only at that moment that Hisoka realized the position they were in. He was still straddling Illumi’s hips, pinning the assassin’s wrists together over his head. Their faces were mere inches apart. Illumi seemed to realize how awkwardly close they were, and the slightest hint of a delicate pink blush crept into his otherwise deathly pale face.

“How is it we keep winding up like this, hmm?” Hisoka wondered, gripping both of Illumi’s wrists with one hand so his other hand could creep down and caress Illumi’s cheek.

“I... don't know. It's a bit strange, if you ask me.” was Illumi’s terse response.

Hisoka tucked a loose strand of hair behind Illumi’s ear before saying, “It would be rather foolish of me to pass up an opportunity like this, don’t you think?”

Illumi considered this for a moment before nodding again. “Indeed, it would.”

Hisoka leaned down, closing what little distance there was between them, and pressed his lips against Illumi’s. This time, the young assassin reciprocated, back arching off the floor in an attempt to get as close as possible to the magician on top of him. Illumi wasn’t sure what he was doing, but he didn’t want to stop, either. Something about Hisoka’s warmth was intoxicating.

“Illumi...” Hisoka murmured against the assassin’s surprisingly soft lips. “I’m just gonna reiterate what I said a few days ago. I don’t want to be business partners anymore. It’s not enough. I want more of you.”

Illumi hesitated. There it was again. That possessive glimmer in Hisoka’s amber eyes that both frightened and intrigued Illumi. He wanted to know what it would be like, having a relationship that extended beyond the borders of partnership, even friendship. But at the same time, he knew how disappointed his family would be in him should they find out. Hisoka was a male, and Illumi’s family had always been against homosexuality. But... but... maybe they were wrong about things like this. Besides, he was old enough to decide for himself what he wanted. He doubted he’d ever find anyone who understood him and wanted to be near him as much as Hisoka did.

After a long moment of silence, Illumi finally said, “I suppose we could give that a try.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> If y'all thought the tension between Hisoka and Illumi was bad enough, y'all ain't ready for an established relationship. I'm just glowing because I'm so glad to finally make HisoIllu canon in this fic. It may not seem that way, but before the end of this chapter, they were only semi-canon. It feels so satisfying to finally be able to write something official and legitimate going on with them, especially after all the sexual tension I've had to write them having like OH MY LORD GUYS, STOP BEATING AROUND THE BUSH AND JUST GET TOGETHER ALREADY!!! (Trust me, us authors get as frustrated over the content of our fics as the readers do.)
> 
> Thanks so much for reading, and happy holidays! Any comments/kudos would be much appreciated! 
> 
> Please keep in mind that this fic may not be updated until sometime next week because of Christmas. I've got a couple different holiday-themed projects I need to finish up. Stay safe, take care!

**Author's Note:**

> Oh my, it feels good to finally have a story posted here. I plan on using my account to just pour out my inner HxH fanatic because HisoIllu has taken over my entire existence and I needed a place to just unleash all that XD. I hope you enjoyed the chapter! Any comments/kudos would be very much appreciated!


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